I'll Keep Your Memory
by NellyLove
Summary: After losing her sister and mother within six months of each other, Alyssa is devastated. Caught in a volatile liaison with a man still in love with another, a friend who she's found herself falling for and a web of lies once meant to protect her, Alyssa is more lost than ever. Taking chances paid off for her sister, but will it do the same for Alyssa? Miz/OC/Ted
1. Prologue

_So here it is, the beginning of Alyssa's story. I know, it's extremely short, but it is the prologue. I am working on the next chapter right now, so hopefully it won't be long before i get to update it. _

_This picks up right after Meet Me Halfway, the day of the funeral and all. Um...I'm planning on keeping this whole fic in Alyssa's POV, but i haven't completely decided yet. _

_I hope you guys enjoy this, seeing as how many people read and liked Meet Me Halfway, i hope I can deliver with this second installment of the If I Die Young Trilogy, which is part of my Like Father, Like Daughter series. _

_Thanks to everyone who voted for the poll, you guys picked the title for this fic! Also, i'm looking for a good beta, if you're a stickler for grammatical correction, message me._

_If you have any questions/comments/predictions-leave a review please. _

_Most importantly, enjoy and mahalo for reading._

_xoxoxo_

_Angel_

_Disclaimer- I do not in any way own any person or title affiliated with the WWE. I am only borrowing the names and personalities of these people for fun, I am not making any profit from writing this. The only things I do own are my original characters and the plot which i have created. Any other brands, people mentioned (that have not been stated otherwise as mine) I do not own, including music lyrics, etc. Thank you. _

_So, in effect, I only own Alyssa, Julianne & Giselle _

_*full summary*- *Part 2 of the If I Die Young Trilogy, Part of the Like Father, Like Daughter Series* After losing her sister and mother within six months of each other, Alyssa is devastated. Caught in a volatile liaison with a man still in love with another and a web of lies once meant to protect her, Alyssa is more lost than ever. Taking chances paid off for her sister, persistance answered her questions and risk brought her love but will it do the same for Alyssa? _

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_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 1- Prologue**_

I like to think of myself as a fierce dreamer. A woman with a strong backbone and the ability to make decisions for the betterment of my life. I'd been protected and sheltered by my mother and sister, yet I liked to pretend I was street smart and had experienced the ridiculous events shown in movies.

I'd never kissed in the rain, had a one night stand, dated a jock, or had sex on the beach. I was just normal, average, and nothing compared to my sister.

I didn't like to accuse my mother of favoring my sister, or loving her more, but even I could tell that my mother saw more of herself in Julianne, than in me.

I was awkward and clumsy, a klutz to the extreme sometimes. When I was nervous, I rambled, on and on about unimportant things. I went on tangents that had barely any relevance to the reason of my nervousness. I was always told I was naïve and young, sometimes immature and just too inexperienced. Everyone said the world would give me one hell of a cruel roll.

I always wondered, if I didn't take after my mom, who did I take after?

That question was answered for me by my sister, though at the time, I didn't want to believe her.

That's when I realized I was like my mother in one way. I wanted to brush the matter and the truth aside, sweep it under the rug and keep it there in hiding until I could deal with it.

My mother had swept the issue of my biological father and Julianne's under her figurative rug and left it there to collect dust and fester for years. Over twenty years.

Julianne was independent enough, but me...I'm not so independent. I could've used a father, could've used a protector, someone to chase away the monsters that crept under my bed rather than the mother that dismissed them as part of my imagination, telling a young child they simply weren't real. I never believed a word of it. Instead, I depended on Julianne. In the middle of the night when I thought I heard a monster in my closet or the boogeyman under my bed, I crept down the hall to Julianne's room. She was the fearless one and she chased away the creepers lurking in the shadows and stayed in my room until I fell asleep again.

My mother was a realist, my sister was a dreamer. What did that leave for me. They were both riding a line between optimistic and pessimistic, rarely crossing over and usually staying in that neutral zone. Where as I was either at one end of the spectrum, or another. I was emotional and nervous and a klutz. My sister was so composed, my mother so intense, did that leave me to be the one who fell apart under pressure, under change, under the burdens of life?

Did that make me the weak one?

Or was I the strong one because I was still surviving?


	2. Commiserating Hearts

_**Here we are again, about to start off another chapter of I'll Keep Your Memory. I'm glad so many people enjoyed the first chapter and hopefully you all continue to read and review and enjoy, of course. **_

_**I don't know when the next update will be, but when i get the time i will be writing. Until then I've got this interesting chapter for you. I really like Alyssa's character, already she's making it obvious to me that she's unlike any other OC i've ever written. So, i'm enjoying writing this just as much as you are reading it :) mutual enjoyment (lol)**_

_**So, I only own Alyssa, Julianne and Giselle...the rest does not belong to me. **_

_**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Those reviews are motivation for me, the longer the more I love them! **_

_**Mahalo & enjoy,**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel**_

_**PS- Yay, FF finally let me update! This chapter has been ready for a week now! But here it is!**_

_**Just a reminder, this whole chapter is in Alyssa's POV**_

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_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 2- Commiserating Hearts**_

"The world really did fuck me over, didn't it Juli?" I asked, stuffing my fingers into my pea-coat as I stared at my sisters grave. The dirt was still fresh, people will still filing through the graves, monotonously walking to their cars. Women, weeping and sobbing, being escorted by men, the men trying to stay strong because that was what men did.

I stood alone, under the willow that's deceptively sharp tendrils swept the ground just a short few feet from the graves of my sister and my mother.

I swallowed, "first mom dies, and now you? How is that fair at all. You both know I'm the one who can't deal with stuff like this. I'm not like you Jules, I couldn't just move on after mom died. How do you expect me to get on with my life now that you're gone." I wiped at my cheek with the palm of my hand and realized, I wasn't crying.

"What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't even fucking cry." I took in a shuddering breath.

"I think I've cried enough for the both of us."

I turned suddenly with a gasp. He stepped forward, his eyes never leaving Julianne's grave, and kept his hands buried in the pockets of his black slacks.

"You're-"

"Mike," he nodded.

I closed my mouth and stared at him a moment before turning back to my sister. "You're the guy my sister was talking about." It wasn't a question, it was a statement after his speech during the ceremony. It was obvious he was the man my sister had fallen in love with, after hearing his words.

It must've been nice for Julianne, being able to experience real, true and pure love before she died. Sure, she missed out on marriage and children and growing old, but all of those things come with negatives. But love, love is like a separate entity that cannot be tarnished. Real love, from what I've heard and seen, there are no low points to it. At least Julianne was lucky enough to experience that and nothing else.

"You're probably the only person who knew Julianne better than me," Mike murmured.

My eyebrows furrowed, I wanted to laugh at him. I doubted that he even knew half the things I knew about my sister. "Sure, I've known her my whole life and how long have you known my sister?" I asked, arching an eyebrow at him bitterly.

"3 months."

"Of course, because three months is the exact amount of time it takes to learn everything about a person." I said sarcastically, my sister and I did have some things in common.

"Look," he snapped, "I know you're hurt, you just lost your sister, I get it—I just lost the woman I love. You're angry, I get that too, but you don't need to take it out on me. What the hell did I ever do?"

"You stole her away from me right before she left!"

My palm swiped at my cheeks, and there they were.

The tears I'd been waiting for, they were tumbling from my eyes, leaving trails down my cheeks, dripping down onto the sleeve of my coat.

There was a knot in my chest and a roiling sea of emotions. I'd been a void since I'd received the news and then, all of a sudden I was feeling all of these emotions. Anger, shock, disbelief. A crippling pain gripped my chest and I broke down, my legs giving out on me.

Strong arms wrapped around me, and Mike fell down to his knees with me. He held me as I sobbed into his suit coat and mumbled incoherent apologies.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Regret bubbled inside my chest and just behind my eyes laid more tears of my loss and pain and my heartache.

"It's okay, I understand." Mike murmured and I felt one of his own tears splash and splatter on my hairline. "Everyday feels like an eternity in hell without her."

"I know," I whispered. And it was the truth.

-x-x-x-

My tears ended eventually, but Mike and I didn't leave. We sat together, next to each other, and talked about Julianne. Anything he didn't know already, I told him. And in return he told me about his time with Julianne on the road. He told me of all the fights she had with Shawn and how they patched things up.

It made me wonder if my relationship with Marty would be like that now that I knew he was my father. I dreaded going to the reception at our—my—house. I didn't want to talk, or even see, Marty. I wasn't ready.

Everything happened so fast, finding out he was my father, and then fighting with Julianne, our phone call and then she was dead. In such a short amount of time, so much had happened, so many things had been messed up. I didn't know how I was expected to rebound after this. I felt like at any moment I would shatter into a million irreparable pieces.

"Are you okay?" Mike leaned forward, so as to see my face.

I blinked, combing my fingers through my hair. I gave him a questioning look.

"You just, got really quiet," he explained.

"Oh," I formed the word soundlessly with my lips. "I'm fine, just thinking."

"I seem to be doing a lot of that lately, too."

"Really? What about?"

He was silent for a moment, looking uncertain about whether he was going to tell me or not.

"You don't have to tell me," I interjected softly.

He just shook his head, "what would've been going on right now if she hadn't died." He smiled softly at his own daydreaming, "we'd be still celebrating my win at WrestleMania, maybe in Texas, having dinner with Shawn and Rebecca, meeting her two half-siblings. Then we'd talk about moving in together and if she was going to stay on the road with me, now that her dad wasn't wrestling anymore. I'd try to talk her into training again, because I was certain Vince would easily give her a job." He shook his head, "it's all pointless, I know."

"It's...romantic, y'know? You're still imagining life with her even though she's gone, that's real love right there."

"You think?"

"Yeah, from what little I know, I think it is."

Our eyes connected and we were quiet. I think it was a moment where he realized how much younger than him I was. Did I seem like a child in his eyes? Or was I woman to him. Or was I in some between stage, where I was making the transition of maturation.

I couldn't help it, but I wanted him to see me as a woman, someone who was soft yet independent. A woman who needed the gentle touch of a man, but could still form her own opinions on the world. I wanted to be held while I cried, I wanted to be viewed as something fragile but with a hard edge. So many contradictions, my head spun.

It was wrong, wrong to want Mike to show me affection, wrong to want him to be attracted to me.

My lips parted slightly as we stared at each other, the wind blowing the willow, softly scattering the fresh dirt over my sister's grave.

How wrong. So wrong, it made it feel right.

"We should...head to the reception. Shawn and Paul will be wondering where we are," Mike said as he got to his knees. He extended his hand, which I took. He helped me to my feet and once I was standing on my own, he let go of my hand.

We walked side by side to his car, fittingly black, and we drove to my house, where Julianne and my mother used to live with me, and I now lived alone.

-x-x-x-

Mike held the front door open for me. Everyone was already inside, I guessed that Marty had taken care of that.

"Thanks," I muttered as I walked into the house. My eyes instantly went to the hallway, staring at the white wood door that guarded Julianne's room.

I sighed and stepped into the living room, where the people were. I received condoling smiles and comforting hands on my shoulder, some teary hugs and various other inconsequential motions that were custom for these sorts of things. It was making me sick, there were so many people, all staring at me. They were waiting for me to crack, waiting for me to buckle beneath the weight of their expectant gazes.

My foot caught on the leg of an end table.

A hand caught my arm and righted me as gently as possible.

I looked up at who had caught me, I didn't know who he was but he sent me a somber smile before nodding and continuing on to a group of other people I didn't know. Two blond women and two men.

"You alright?"

I turned and Mike was standing next to me.

"Um, yeah. I think so." I replied, biting my lip.

Our eyes met and there was this sudden moment of silence.

"Mike!" someone called, breaking us out of the reverie. Mike cleared his throat and I brushed my hair out of my face before crossing my arms over my chest.

"Um, someone's calling me but uh, that's Shawn over there. I think you should talk to him, since he's Julianne's dad and all," he shrugged, just suggesting.

I nodded, "alright, um, thanks." Why was this so awkward? Earlier, when we were alone it was so much easier for us to just talk and be in each others presence.

I looked around the room, crowded and cramped with people. It felt like I was suffocating. I took a deep breath, if Julianne had been there, she would've told me it wasn't a moment to act childish and that I needed to woman up.

So I squared my shoulders and walked towards Shawn.

His blue eyes met mine from the distance across the room. There was a moment of recognition, where he registered who I was and I took in who he was. God, Julianne must've looked like his twin when they stood next to each other. I could even see how alike they were, just using my mental memory of Julianne.

I continued to walk closer but when I was withing five feet he purposefully turned and left the room.

I blinked. That was rude.


	3. Charade Strangers

_**I'm sorry for the wait, stress and lack of writing time have really dragged me down. I don't know when the next update will be, considering i'm going out of town and finals are coming up, but i figure this will hold you off for a while. **_

_**Keep the reviews and opinions coming, I love hearing from all of you. **_

_**Again, I only own Alyssa, Julianne and Giselle. **_

_**Mahalo & enjoy**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel**_

_**PS- Happy Easter! Go be a glutton!**_

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_**I'll Keep Your Memory **_

_**Chapter 3- Charade Strangers**_

It was one of those moments where you don't know how to think, or feel or act. Where you just stand for a few paralyzed moments, shocked and thinking "what the hell?"

Shawn seemed to be a pretty reasonable, heartfelt guy from what I saw at Julianne's funeral procession. But he had just shunned me when I was walking toward him, looking for someone who could offer their equally empathetic perspective. But instead I received the cold brunt of a turned shoulder and an unwelcoming dismissal.

I'd never done anything to him, there was no reason for him to ignore me.

Cue the 'what the hell?' face.

"It's not you," a deep, scruffy voice said, a mental smack to shift me from my consternation.

"W-what do you mean by that?" I asked, turning to face the man. I blinked in surprise, he was a large, burly and completely muscular man. Long-ish blond hair and a scruffy mustache and beard made him look like a biker dude, but from Julianne's father's side I knew immediately that he was no biker—he was a wrestler. I guess he fit the type. Well-muscled, anti-social looking, constipated face—one that could be mistake for constant aggression.

His stance was tense, his face drawn in lines of distress and sadness. His emotions may not have been far off from mine, but his line to break the ice—not what I would have used.

He sighed heavily, crossing his bulging arms over his broad chest. "He didn't do that to be rude. He just...doesn't know how to react to...you. He's hurt and confused and...he doesn't want you to become a replacement for Julianne." The man, whoever he was, explained slowly, seeming to struggle for the correct words. The distraught look on his face told me he hadn't found the completely perfect ones but he shook his head and moved on. "Just give him time."

I blinked up at the man again, "time isn't something my family seems to have a good handle on."

He stared at me, surprised and I was mentally gaping at myself.

I looked away quickly, hoping he would just walk away and leave things at that.

But he didn't, humiliation just seemed to be the correct way for me to suffer.

"I also just wanted to let you know that Shawn and the rest of our," he glanced at a particularly large group of strangers—er, wrestlers—and smiled slightly, "misfit family will be in town for a few more days, just to...get over everything. Maybe try talking to Shawn later, he'll warm up to you," there was a pause, "eventually."

I grimaced, I didn't think any of these people would come to like me. Except maybe Mike, he had seemed okay and we had connected immediately, but I think our connection came from our respective relationships with my sister and how we were trying to find solace and comfort in the memories we each had of her.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the man shift uncomfortably and glanced up in time to see my Uncle Marty approaching.

"Paul," Marty said with a nod. So that was his name.

"I'll leave you two alone," Paul said before bowing out and walking off to his group of coworkers.

Uncle Marty stopped just a few feet in front of me. "Alyssa."

I turned away pointedly, I still wasn't ready to speak to him. So much had happened in such a short time. Reconciling with Marty just wasn't a priority at the top of my list.

"I don't want to do this today," I said with an exasperated sigh. "I just want to make it through today, and this week and somehow find a way to cope without my sister. I don't need to think about this drama with you right now, okay?"

I walked away without an answer, shuffling hurriedly in my heeled shoes. God how I hated the damn things. I was more of a sneaker girl, or sandals, or something without a platform on them—

I had stormed out of the house through the sliding back door and turned to where there were a few lawn chairs placed on the red cement patio only to run into a solid body—a wrestler no doubt. There were too many of them present for my liking.

Strong arms wrapped around my torso, holding me up and twisting our two bodies at a weird angle and tangling ourselves in such sudden movements.

Once we were silent and completely still he let out a long breath. "You okay?" he asked.

I nodded and felt him right me till I was standing firmly on my feet. "Thanks," I murmured softly, glancing up through my lashes to see who I had run into this time.

It was the same man who had kept me from falling the last time, when I had just stepped into the house and I'd almost tripped on a table.

"Guess I should introduce myself this time," he said, trying to put on a tough smile, maybe just for me, "I'm Ted DiBiase."

"Alyssa Scott," I said, taking his offered hand and shaking it.

The look on his face told me he already knew who I was. It felt like I was some sort of celebrity. All of these people could take one glance at me, recognize me and know a million things about me. I didn't even know half of the people at Julianne's funeral. But each and every one of them came up to me and hugged me, telling me how sorry they were and how much they missed Julianne and how they couldn't believe it had been her.

Would they have preferred it been me? Would it have made things easier if I had been the one to die and not Julianne? She would've had this gigantic network of support to help turn her grief around after I died. But me, once this whole charade was over, I would be left alone. All of these strangers would return to their normal lives and Julianne would only be a distant memory, a fleeting thought on a rainy day or slight remembrance when they returned to the city she died in.

She would be nothing special after a while, and neither would I. These people wouldn't remember my face, maybe my name, they'll remember Julianne had a sister. A few may ponder how I'm doing. None of them will check up on me, or create a friendship with me, most—if not all-will never speak to me again.

I'm all right with that, I could care less how these people feel about me and my sister. All that mattered was the emptiness inside my chest that was threatening to consume me. How could someone as strong as my sister just cease to exist.

A warm hand on my shoulder suddenly awoke me, "Alyssa, are you sure you're alright. I know it's a stupid question to ask, considering..." he trailed off but then continued, "if you need to talk, I'm here. I know a lot of people have said that today, but I honestly mean it. Julianne wasn't just a distant acquaintance to me, she was a really close friend. I was there when it happened, I called the ambulance," he throat collapsed on his words and he couldn't seem to bring himself to say anything more, he just swallowed and allowed his blue eyes to meet mine.

He was just another stranger,, trying to act like he knew Julianne, I wanted to hate him, to blame him for everything.

But his eyes held this clear melancholy and honesty. I knew he cared for Julianne, I knew he wasn't lying to me, his words weren't false.

"Thank you Ted, I appreciate you being here."

And then I turned and walked away, tears burning trails down my cheeks.


	4. Twisted Opposites

**_Not much to say except that i hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Thank you for reading/reviewing/alerting/faving/etc...I super appreciate it._**

**_I only own Alyssa, Julianne, & Giselle. All else belongs to their respective owners. _**

**_Mahalo & enjoy,_**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_Angel_**

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_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 4- Twisted Opposites**_

The day ended finally and the guests began to file out. One by one in their black mourning attire they trickled out of my front door like reluctant drops from a faucet, collecting in groups before they eventually fell and gave into the awkwardness and wanting to escape me and my stony expression.

They all hugged me once more, gave their condolences, told me they loved and missed Julianne—it sounded like they were trying to convince me of that.

My throat was scratchy and burned raw from the tears I had shed early after speaking to Ted. It was an irrational time to start crying. All he had done was tell me he was there when Julianne died, that he was her friend, that I could talk to him.

Maybe him offering an attentive ear just reminded me of how Julianne used to be the person I would go to and spill all my troubles out in blubbering sobs.

But that was a lie because when Ted said those things, I wasn't thinking about lying face down on Julianne's bed, my head in her lap as she stroked my hair, such a different color from hers. I was instead thinking about how it must've been nice for Julianne, having people like Mike and Ted love her.

I was wallowing in self pity now, going over all the people I knew in my head, realizing I didn't have any real friends. I hadn't had a boyfriend in forever. I've always had Julianne...but now.

I'm alone.

It was a scary feeling, and that's what activated my tears as I left Ted.

"Alyssa?"

I looked my, my eyes meeting the blues of Ted.

He gave me an uncertain half smile as he spoke softly, "it was...nice meeting you." There was no better, or gentler way to say it.

I just nodded, biting my lip, "same to you, Ted. I—," I looked up at him and realized I didn't know what to say. Was there anything _to _say?

"Hey Alyssa!" A voice called.

I turned toward the sound, my feet stumbling over each other so quickly my weight began to fall forward before my feet could stabilize myself. A hand caught my arm, holding me steady. I knew it was Ted without even looking.

His hand retreated and I heard him walk away and through the open front door, gone just like that. I guess there wasn't anything to say after all.

"Alyssa, everyone is pretty much gone now." It was Mike and he was rubbing the back of his head awkwardly, "would you mind showing me Julianne's room?"

I was a little taken aback by the request but I shrugged and began walking down the hall.

The door to Julianne's room was closed, it hadn't been opened since the last time she was home. When she and I had had that huge fight where I had blown up in disbelief about Uncle Marty being my biological father. I should've known it was true. Julianne was like a scientist, and she wouldn't have told me anything like that unless she had reason or fact behind it.

I remembered Mike was with me when I felt his fingers ghost along my arm.

I nodded toward the door, "this is it."

I didn't want to go in, it felt wrong. It was too soon. I couldn't look at her things, go through her closet, take down her pictures. I couldn't do it, I may never do it. My mother's room was still untouched mostly, the only thing that had been removed was her medical equipment.

Mike looked down at me as I turned away from the door. "You don't...?"

"No," I replied, rubbing my temples as I retreated down the hall, "just don't...move anything."

I didn't look at him, but I heard the door _whoosh_ open with the slightest of creaks.

I let out a slow breath as I came to a stop in the kitchen and rested my forearms on the counter, staring out the window into the backyard. The backyard where there was a large oak, our tree house was still intact, cradled like a bird's nest in it's sturdy branches. I missed the summers where we would pretend I was the princess, imprisoned in her tower by a mighty dragon. Her every dutiful sister would come and slay that dragon.

It struck me know how that scenario would almost work for my situation now, metaphorically. Some roles would change, but it was generally the same idea.

Julianne was the princess, cancer was the dragon and I was the sister supposed to save her. I failed.

Or did the roles really change at all? Was Julianne still the one who saved the princess, by taking the hit from the dragon—cancer—in order to save her sister from it.

My head pounded and I tried to shut out all the possibilities, metaphors, similes, I wanted them to just all shut up!

Julianne had always said I shouldn't be a journalist, I should be a creative writer of some sort. A poet or an author. I never had the guts to publish anything I wrote that was on the creative writing side. Though now I could see why she tried to make me. I thought in metaphors and similes, I breathed personifications.

And I was getting away from myself again, making my head hurt, my body ache. I just wanted to curl into a ball, fall into a deep sleep and never wake up.

But Mike was still in my house, it all had to wait until he left.

"Alyssa?"

I spun around to see Uncle Marty standing in the sliding glass doorway that led to the backyard, carrying a tied garbage bag.

At my confused look he explained, "I just finished cleaning up the yard." He set the bag down and looked at me. "Can we talk about things now?"

"I don't know..." this would've been the moment where I added in his name but at the moment I had no idea _what _to call him. He was my father, but I didn't want to call him any variation of that. Uncle would no longer work since I knew the truth. And 'Marty' just sounded way too formal considering I've known the man since I was born.

I rubbed my temples, "why? Why didn't anyone tell me? I understand not telling Julianne about Shawn, she didn't know him. But me? You kind of helped raise me, you were here for _everything, _why couldn't you just have been introduced to me as my dad in the first place?"

He stared at me, only breaking eye contact when he shook his head and ran his fingers through his mop of brown hair. "I just...did what your mother thought was best."

"Excuses! What you couldn't be your own man and just come out with it? Were you that pathetic and—!"

"I loved your mother."

I stopped short after he cut me off and I just looked at him. "You think I couldn't tell?"

"No, I've loved her since the moment I saw her. She never felt...exactly the same, but she had you, and you were so special Alyssa."

"But I wasn't Julianne."

His eyebrows furrowed, "what?"

"Mom loved me, I know that. But her and Julianne, they had this connection...I don't what it was, but...it's because she's Shawn's daughter, and I'm yours, right?"

He shook his head, "I don't know about that Alyssa, but I know that she loved you and she did what she thought was best for you. I may not have agreed with it, but I came to see it from her point of view."

"Which was?"

"She expected me to leave."

I stared, I felt like I was doing that a lot.

"Like Shawn did," he clarified, "she expected me to leave, and never know, and let her raise you all by herself like she did Julianne."

"But you stuck around."

"Of course. Shawn would have too."

"But he never knew about Julianne," I finished.

Marty nodded, "and he was robbed of all those years. Now he'll never get them back. Alyssa," he sighed, "I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want this whole revelation to ruin the relationship that we already have."

"I don't want it to either, but...I still need time, to think, and process, and ask questions."

"I think that's understandable. But I'll be here when you're ready. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I need to get home, I'll...see you soon, Aly." He picked the trash bag back up, kissed my temple and left out the front door.

I let out a long breath as I leaned back against the counter.

"Long day?" Mike asked causing my head to whip up. I had forgotten he was still there.

I laughed bitterly, "understatement."

We were silent for several moments and I thought maybe he would just get the hint and leave. But he didn't.

"Julianne would be proud of you, y'know?"

"For what?" I asked, slightly curious as I stared down at my feet.

"For talking things out with Marty so...calmly, it was the mature thing to do."

"Did she make it out like I was some completely immature and irresponsible college chick."

"No, she just pointed out that you and her were...slightly opposites." He paused and I felt his eyes graze over me, "I don't see it though."

"See what?" I lifted my eyes to look at him, my eyebrows furrowing.

"You two don't seem like opposites to me. I see a lot of Julianne in you."

I smiled bitterly, "well at least someone does."

We were silent again and I was about ready to ask him to leave when he finally spoke up again.

"Don't hate her."

"Why would you think that?"

"Your expression, the way you're so tense after just talking about her, several other observations."

"Have you just been watching me all day?"

"Maybe. But...I know she loved you, and she only wants the best for you, and she'd want you to remember her in all the positive ways."  
"I only have positive memories of Julianne. She had convenient ways of hiding all the bad things from Mom and I." I paused before glancing over at Mike, "but don't worry. I don't hate Julianne, you should've gotten that from this morning at the cemetery. I miss her so much, I'm upset she left me here alone, but I do not hate her. I wish...she and I could've done some things differently." I finished, my hands gripping the edge of the counter.

Mike stuffed his hands in his pockets, "I'd like, if you don't mind, to...I don't know, talk some time, get to know each other. I feel like I should know you."

"Because you were in love with my sister." I didn't expect him to reply, I expected that to be my checkmate move to get him to leave.

"Because you're the only way I can still feel like I'm with Julianne."

And in an odd, comforting twist, I felt the same way about him.


	5. Reminiscent Denial

_**So here is a long chapter to make up for the fact that i haven't updated this fic in like..what, two months? Ah! I'm horrible, but between a cruise, AP Homework, and Idol, i've had little time to write until now..when homework is being finished up, Idol auditions are done, and I return to school in a little over a week... :( :sigh: life is never ending!**_

_**Anyways, I've been nervous about writing the first time that Shawn & Alyssa relaly meet and talk, but i think it turned out well...actually, I'm quite proud of this chapter :D**_

_**For those of you who also read my fic **And It All Falls Down **I plan to update that next, so that is what I will be working on now :) I'm sorry if the narration of this chapter gets a bit weird at times, I was reading the Scarlet Letter while working on this...so blame Mr. Hawthorne for that...lol**_

_**Mahalo for all the reviews for the last chapter, but i hope I even get ANY reviews since it has been FOREVER..but anyways**_

_**Enjoy :)**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel**_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 5- Reminiscent Denial**_

I stood in front of my full-length mirror, staring at myself, my eyes raking up and down my reflection.

I needed to eat, or something. Even I could see that I looked hollow, my skin was pale, I had gotten a bit thinner, there were dark circles under my eyes. All I had really been doing lately is cry, and think, and sit in a pair of over-sized sweats as I watched crappy Lifetime movies about romance and murders.

"You need to get out of this house." I told myself, watching my lips move in the mirror, but feeling as if the words weren't my own.

Raking my fingers through my hair I turned away from my mirror and walked over to my dresser, yanking drawers open and digging through the drawers until I found a pair of black shorts. I tugged off my sweats and pulled on the shorts before heading over to the closet. I pushed aside shirt after shirt dangling from their hangers, trying to find something to wear, but nothing jumped out at me.

Finally I pulled a striped tank top off a hanger and slid it on over my head, adjusting it slightly before walking out of my room. I picked up my purse off the counter, sliding on my flip flops at the front door and then headed out of the house.

I froze at the top of the drive way, my key ring clutched tightly in my hand. I now had a decision that brought me to the fact that what was my sister's was now mine. I chewed my lip and then sighed, pressing the _unlock_ button on my car's key set.

As I started the engine in my car I realized something—I had no idea where I was going. I had wanted to get out of the house, but not where to go. I had nothing to do, no one to hang out with, I was reminded again of how alone I was.

Sure, I had friends. None of them had showed up at my sister's funeral, and I had no wish to see any of them.

My head throbbed.

"I need some caffeine." I told myself as I reversed out of my drive way.

I tried not to get absorbed into my thoughts as I drove, so in an effort to distract myself I switched on the radio, spinning the volume dial until I couldn't hear myself thinking anymore. I focused on the road, my hands clenching the wheel, the music thrumming out my speakers but it all couldn't hide away the fact that I was driving alone in my car, that I was living alone at my house, that I was going to get coffee, alone.

Shifting the car into park I turned off the engine and just sat for a moment, staring at the local Starbucks. There was an odd aura around the place for me, it felt kind of paradoxical in an odd sense. This was the last place I had seen my sister alive. And I had left her there in a storm of curses and yelling and tears. And the next time I had seen her after that I had been a wreck of curses and muttering and tears.

I opened the driver's door and got out of the car, staring at the Starbucks logo on the wall-length glass window. I was trying to focus on something other than the replaying scene in my head of Julianne telling me, _"the craziest thing is...Uncle Marty is actually...your dad."_

I sighed.

I hadn't handled that moment well at all. I had overreacted when all Julianne wanted was for me to take a deep breath, calm down and just think about how it all did make sense. But I had been so shocked that I didn't want to hear the logical side of things. I wanted to be angry and hurt, I wanted someone to blame and Julianne was the perfect unsuspecting target at the time.

The thought of how I had so easily chosen her to be the aim of all my anger so suddenly brought tears to my eyes.

I pushed them down, pulling the door to the coffee shop open and stepping inside. I approached the counter, pulling my composure together by the very nerve endings. The stress was tearing at my edges and I knew soon I was going to have to have my daily cry session.

The girl at the cashier took my order with a smile, marking my white disposable cup with black Sharpie. She then gave me my total, I paid her and then went to find a table while I waited for my coffee.

The morning rush was just ending, people were filing out quickly, heading to work, reminding me of how early it still was. I picked up a newspaper off the stand, intent on distracting myself from the small table in the corner of the room—the table where Julianne and I had been sitting the last time we were here.

But it was the man at that table that caught my eye when I did glance up through my hair.

It was hard not to recognize him when he looked like an older, male version of my sister.

"Shawn," his name came like a gust of breath from my lips, a gasp of shock as my eyes widened. I tried to turn away before he noticed my stare but I was too slow to move and his blue eyes—so much like Julianne's—caught me.

I smiled awkwardly, wondering if he would ignore me like at the funeral, but much to my shock he smiled back, just as awkward.

I knew that since we had made contact I couldn't just sit down alone at another table, so I crossed the coffee shop toward his table.

"Good morning," I greeted, plastering a smile on my lips, knowing that it probably looked as fake as it felt.

"Hello Alyssa, it's...good to see you." His eyes left me for a moment, searching for someplace else to stare at. I knew he was studying me for likenesses to Julianne just as I was doing to him, and in that same moment I found myself scrambling for a different focal point as well.

"Can I join you?" I asked, slightly hoping he would rudely say no, stand up and leave me standing there.

But, again, to my surprise his eyes landed on me and he motioned for me to take a seat, "of course."

I sat down and we were silent for the minutes until the Starbucks employee called my name, signaling that my coffee was ready.

When I sat back down, Shawn spoke.

"How have you been holding up?"

The sincerity and worry in his voice is what caught me off guard. I glanced up at him quickly and shrugged one shoulder, "as best as I can really. I feel like my eyes are going to run dry from all the tears, and I haven't been out of the house really since the funeral," I struggled over the word, "so I decided to go out for coffee today..." I trailed off before adding, "plus I'm out of coffee at home."

He smiled wryly, "you sound no better than me," he scratched at his scruffy chin and took a sip of his coffee, leaving me wondering if he was going to explain.

"Sometimes I think my chest is just going to explode, then I just...scream, at the top of my lungs, until I can't anymore. I know I've scared Paul more than a few times."

It was such a raw confession that I shuddered with the emotion behind it.

A silence settled between us, no longer awkward, but one of understanding.

But there was a question nagging at my mind and I just had to shatter the silent perfection.

"Shawn, could yo—could you tell she was sick? At all?" I asked, my voice cracking and my fingers fiddling around my coffee cup. The drink was too hot still, I had already burned my tongue on the first sip while walking back to the table.

He took a long, deep breath before answering with a shake of his head, "no, she seemed perfectly fine since I met her. She never really let on that anything serious was happening, she complained of headaches once or twice, but I never thought anything of it, people get headaches all the time,"' the hurt expression that crossed his face told me that he regretted brushing the headaches off as nothing, regretting not pursuing better answers.

I bit my lip, feeling sorry for asking him something that was obviously causing him pain. "I'm sorry I asked, I didn't mean-" he cut me off with a flick of his hand.

"You don't need to apologize, you wanted to know," he sighed softly, "the only way I'll ever begin to move on is if I confront it. And answering your questions is helping that."

I nodded, finally deciding to just drink my coffee. It was the perfect temperature and I sipped it greedily, savoring the rustic flavor with the shot of caramel. It gave me a comforting warmth as the reality of my world threatened to freeze me solid. My eyes dropped to the table top.

"You know, this is the last place that I saw Julianne...alive," I said thoughtfully.

Shawn stared at me for a moment, but stayed silent in an intuitive gesture for me to continue.

"She told me Marty was my real father, and that Mom was a wrestler...and I just blew up at her and stormed out of here," I ran a hand through my hair, sighing softly. "I mean, I did apologize..but this is the last memory of her I'll ever have and it's such a bitter one."

I looked up to she Shawn close his eyes, his face scrunching, lining his face with pain. "Julianne, wrote me a letter."

"What?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing.

"Before she died, and she told Paul to give it to me after she had passed. I got it in the hospital, right after I called you."

"She...wrote you...a letter?" I couldn't help the twinge in my chest. I hadn't received a letter, or anything, from my sister.

"In in, she told me to help...explain things to you, about your mother. So, if you ever have any questions about the past, or anything, I'm here for you." He took his receipt from his pocket, and asked me quietly for a pen. I handed him one and with it he scribbled down his cell number and then slid the small piece of paper across the table to me. "Don't be afraid to call me. I want to get to know you Alyssa...I know you don't need me to be your father, that should be Marty's position in your life, but I'd like to be a friend, if possible. And I'm sorry we had to be introduced under such horrible circumstances."

I could tell our meeting was coming to a close, and that any moment now we would both get up from our seats, awkwardly shake hands or hug and then exit the Starbucks and return to our respective cars and homes. I was ready for the departure, wanted to usher it along, but leaving and never seeing each other again just wasn't in the cards for us today.

"Alyssa, I didn't think you would be here."

I turned to see the big, burly man—Paul—walking toward our table.

He looked from me to Shawn, waiting for an explanation.

"We ran into each other here," Shawn said and Paul nodded.

"You know, I'm glad I got to see you. The rest of the group wanted me to invite you to dinner with us tonight. We're leaving town tomorrow, and we'd really like to...spend some time with you before we left, as like...a final goodbye to everything that's happened here." Paul said, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at me.

"Um," I froze, did I want to go out with them? Did I want to sit at a table with a group of people who claimed they knew my sister, but probably knew nothing? They all only knew her for three months, how is it possible they all got so close to her. It made absolutely no sense. The anger and disbelief flared in me. And then I glanced at Shawn, who was smiling softly, and I remembered the piece of paper clutched in my hand, the tender offering of a friendship. I had no one now, and maybe these people did know my sister. Maybe I could find a touch of her in them. "Sure, that would be nice." I forced a smile onto my lips and Paul returned it.

"Great," he said and then gave me the location of the restaurant, a local favorite of mine.

"So I'll see you guys tonight then," I said and they nodded.

I made my exit after soft goodbyes and I tossed my now empty coffee cup into the trash as I made my way through the glass doors and got into my car.

Alone again, I took in a deep, shuddering breath before starting the car.

-x-x-x-

There was an awkward rocking in my stomach as I stood outside my car, staring at the restaurant from the parking lot distance. I leaned back against the metal for support, trying to gain confidence from it's iron structure. I took a couple deep breaths, trying to decide whether I should just walk into the restaurant and greet everyone with a plastered on smile and fake words of how I wanted to stay in contact with them in the future. Or if I should just turn around, get back in my car and drive home, where I could curl up on the couch and watch _Zoolander _in a horrible attempt to make myself laugh again. No one in the restaurant would care that I didn't show up, they wouldn't even know I was here. I could just leave and never have to see any of these people again.

I was turning to open my care door when someone pulled into the parking space next to me. The opening of a car door in a rushing swoosh alerted me that someone was trying to catch me before I got into my car.

"Alyssa, hold up."

My hand clenched on the door handle and then released as I forced myself to turn around.

Ted straightened his muscular frame as he got out of his car, shutting the door and turning to look at me.

"Hey," he said, his voice softer as he stood, on the other side of the car from me.

"Hi," I said, adjusting my purse on my shoulder.

I didn't try to make up an excuse, it was obvious to Ted and to myself that I had been about to run.

There was a lopsided smile on his face, "you don't have to come in, you know. We won't hate you if you don't come."

I felt a blush heat my cheeks and I glanced away from him, "I just, I don't mean to be rude but you all come off as if you've known Julianne your whole lives and you've only known her for three months."

His expression was soft as he walked around the car until he was just inches away from me and he leaned back against my car, blocking me from my escape. "We aren't lying, or faking it, we feel that we know Julianne. Sure, we only met her three months ago, but a hell of a lot of things happened in those three months. Honestly, she and I talked a lot," his smile was soft and reminiscent. "Her and Mike had this huge misunderstanding, and I was a part of it. He got so jealous because she and I were eating lunch together," he shook his head with a low chuckle.

I stared at him, my eyes searching for a moment, "where you there?"

Ted looked up at me, our eyes meeting and locking, "when?"

"When she died?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, "I'm the one who called the ambulance."

I nodded, not having anything to say to that.

"Will you come inside?" He asked, offering me an endearing smile.

I was surprised at how easily I was able to return the expression. "Yeah, I guess I will."

His grin widened and he held out his arms, "hey, you're already here, aren't you?"

"That I am...alright, let's go," I said, starting to walk away from the car and toward the entrance to the restaurant.

Ted fell into step beside me and together we headed up the brick steps to the restaurant. He held the door open for me with a charming smile and motioned for me to enter.

We were instantly recognized moments after we stepped into the restaurant.

"Ted!" a blond jumped up from the table, her eyes finding Ted before sliding over to me, "you must be Alyssa," she said as we came to the long table that was reserved for the wrestlers.

"Yes, and you are?" I asked.

"Jillian," she held out her hand as her mood turned solemn, but she tried to keep the forced smile on her face. "I'm glad you came, I want to get to know you."

_Because I'm Julianne's sister, _I thought bitterly_, _but I didn't say anything aloud.

"It's great to meet you," I said, shaking her hand before letting go. I found myself turning to look at Ted, who offered me a pulled out chair. I sat down and he sat next to me. The chair on my other side was left empty, Shawn and Paul sat across from me while Jillian sat next to Ted, and another blond woman—Beth—sat across from Jillian. Paul's wife, Stephanie, was also there, as well as a few others who didn't seem as important or as close to Julianne.

We ordered drinks and then started up conversation, normal topics like the current events of the nation, we were even desperate enough to bring up politics. I knew it was all in a vain attempt to keep us away from thinking about Julianne, when I thought she was the reason we were all meeting for dinner like this.

Just as the waitress had left with our meal orders, the empty seat next to me was pulled out and a man sat down.

"Sorry I'm late everyone," Mike apologized, looking up and around the table.

The group waved him off and quickly integrated him into our frivolous conversation. Something I noticed quickly was a comparison between us. From the crease of his eyebrows and the set of his jaw, I could tell he was confused as well, that no one had even brought up Julianne since he had arrived.

Our meals came, Mike's coming a few minutes later, and we ate amid silence and small bits of sentences. We had nothing much else to say, we had tired all small talk topics and the only option that seemed left was to speak of Julianne, but everyone seemed hesitant to open their mouths and just say _something_.

As dinner plates were collected and taken away by our waitress I felt the agitation rising in me. They had invited me out to dinner with the pretense that we would be reminiscing about my sister, yet no one had so much as said her name.

The urge to cry was suddenly overwhelming but I knew I couldn't just burst into tears in front of all these people, so I tugged my composure over me like a thin blanket and hunkered down, preparing myself for the rest of the dinner, which would hopefully not be long.

It was when they tried to bring up a previous topic—the weather, or something—that I couldn't take it anymore. The legs of my chair scraped against the ground as I pushed it backward. I was on my feet and fleeing from the room quickly, hearing the restaurant doors _woosh _closed behind me.

I sucked in breath after breath, feeling the heat of tears behind my eyes and trying to hold everything at bay.

I could take anything—anger, tears, depression—from any one of them. But not denial.

Anything but denial.


	6. Alcohol Heaven

_I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update. But I finally sat down today and got this chapter out. Hopefully I can do the same for the next chapter of Seasons...but I know I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter of this fic. Things are starting to get good, now that i'm pretty much done introducing characters and setting the scene, I can move further into the story :) I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and i hope there are still readers out there! If you are still out there, give me a holler by leaving a review, and tell me if you like it or not ;) _

_Mahalo to all of those who reviewed the last chapter, I appreciate the love so, so much, it keeps me going most of the time. _

_So read, review, and of course, enjoy_

_xoxoxo_

_Angel_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_  
_**Chapter 6- Alcohol Heaven**_

I tried to calm myself as I stood outside the restaurant, but my breath was coming in large gasps as I failed at holding back my tears. I sucked in a breath through my nose, feeling the oxygen inflate my lungs before I let it out in one long exhale.

The restaurant doors opened behind me, but I ignored it. They were probably a couple who just enjoyed a peaceful, romantic dinner and now they were heading off for a walk, or to the movies, or somewhere where they could enjoy each others presence and feel loved.

Why did I miss that? Being in a relationship, feeling loved. I'd been so good about that, just like Julianne. I had learned from her that it was okay to be independent. I could live without a man. But suddenly, with everything that's happened recently, I craved the empathy that a lover or a spouse could give you. I wished I had someone to hold me at night and kiss me good morning and take me out to dinner where we didn't have to put on false fronts and fake smiles. I yearned for the connection of two people who understood each other, understood each others pain.

Instead, I was alone in this.

"Alyssa, are you okay?" A hand on my shoulder alerted me that whoever had just walked through those doors was not a happy couple, like I had assumed. Instead, it was Mike.

"Mike, um," I didn't have anything to say, I wasn't expecting any of them to come after me.

"I just, you left so suddenly. Is something wrong?" He asked, his blue eyes searching my face.

I turned away from him, facing the street, glancing down at our shadows which stood, almost merging together under the ray of a streetlamp. I suddenly wanted to forget about my loneliness, the ache in my chest, I didn't want to feel sorry for myself or about anything anymore.

I turned to face Mike suddenly, "do you want to get a drink?"

This peculiar look crossed his face and he was silent for a moment, like he was trying to decide how to react to me in a way that wouldn't upset me, like I was a fragile fucking glass doll. That alone angered me.

"Are you even legal?" He asked, mouth tilting on one side, he was trying to make a joke. Using comedy to escape the awkwardness between us.

I snapped defensively, like a plucked rubber-band, "of course i'm legal," my eyebrows furrowed angerly, "I'm not as naïve as Julianne might have told you." I glanced aside, my next words lower, "not as innocent either."

Mike held up his hands, "hey, it was just a joke. I didn't mean anything by it. Trying to break the ice, you're a lot more confusing than Julianne. And trust me, she was a hard one to crack."

I glanced up at him, i'd never been described as more confusing than my sister. She was the tricky one, she had the quirks, she was the one with all the protective barriers around herself. His comment made me wonder what side of my sister Mike had gotten to know—the side she presented to the world as a whole, or the side she saved for our home, with me and mom, and our close friends.

"I'm gonna head to my local spot, do you want to come or not?" I asked, starting to walk toward my car.

He debated it for a brief second, mentally I'm guessing since he said nothing, and then he nodded, following me to my car.

"Did you not drive here?" I asked as I unlocked my doors.

"Took a cab," he replied.

I just nodded, getting into my car and starting up the engine.

-x-x-x-

"So, are you single?" Mike asked me as we sat across from each other at a small table in the darkened bar.

I took the shot that was in front of me and downed it before replying, "yeah."

He looked me over, "are you sure you're legal?" he asked again, mockingly.

"Wanna check my ID?" I replied, "I'm 21, almost 22."

He raised his eyes to give me this look, like because of my age something had changed for him, "really, you're an adult?"

I glared at him as he took a sip from his bear, "yeah," he was kind of pissing me off at the moment. I wasn't some frickin' kid, I was an adult capable of being responsible for my own decisions and actions. "How bout I prove to you I'm a _woman_," I exaggerated the word purposefully, "and not a kid."

His raised an eyebrows, "how are you going to do that."

"We make a bet. Fifty bucks says I can get three guys to ask me back to their place in under an hour," I said.

"Clocks ticking," he replied with a smirk.

I sent him a grin as I stood from my chair. I slipped off my jacket, revealing the red, off-the-shoulder dress I was wearing. I winked at Mike before heading to the bar to mingle, and win the bet.

-x-x-x-

"That's alright hun, maybe next time," I winked at the guy and walked away. Flashing two fingers at Mike I smirked. I'd already gotten two guys to ask me back to their places, and I knew it's been only a half hour or less.

Mike raised his eyebrows, showing he was impressed before taking another drink of his beer.

I glanced around the bar, the crowd inside was thicker now that it was getting later. More people were milling around or leaning against the bar. Music was playing throughout the room and the smell of booze and cigarrettes was strong.

I spotted my next target standing in a group of men. He was in a suit, a working man at a bar after a long day in the office, looking for some fun. I made my way over to him, tapping him on the shoulder, "wanna dance?" I asked, putting on my most dazzling smile and playing with a strand of my light brown hair.

He was quite a bit older than me, late thirties probably, but we hadn't put an age requirement on the bet, so I didn't care. Nothing was going to happen anyways.

The man smiled at me, "sure," and he separated from his group and I took his hand, leading him to the small dancefloor in front of where the live band was playing.

"My name's Alyssa, what's yours?" I asked, leaning closer to his ear as I spoke.

"Josh," he replied. And that was all that was said between us. We danced, I don't know how long for, but it last for a few songs. Our bodies were close, rubbing against each other's and his hand was on the small of my back.

His hand slipped down suddenly, cupping my ass and I froze instantly, my eyes flicking up to him. He just smirked down at me. He thought I was wasted, that I had no control over what the hell was going on. I suddenly felt a little helpless and tried to pull away and make up an excuse.

He pulled me back to him roughly, his fingers sliding into my hair as he slant his lips against mine. My eyes widened and I pushed my palms flat against his chest, but he was larger than me, stronger than me.

His mouth moved up to my ear, his hands locked on my waist, "why don't we-" he was cut off when his shoulder was pulled back roughly, breaking the hold he had on me.

"I think you should go," Mike said, stepping between me and the guy, glowering at the man.

Josh obviously wasn't looking for a fight, he just held his hands up innocently, "thought she wanted it, man."

"Well, she doesn't," Mike's turned us away, placing a hand on the small of my back to steer me through the crowd of unaware bar patrons. He grabbed my purse and jacket from our table and then we were suddenly on the street outside.

I didn't realize it but I was shaking. I curled my arms around myself as we walked down the street to where we had left my car.

"Here," Mike said softly, helping me put my jacket on. I didn't respond, just let him hold my jacket as I slipped one arm through the sleeve and then the other.

"Are you okay?" he asked finally, breaking the silence that had settled between us.

"Yeah," I stopped walking, glancing up at him, "t-thank you for...what you did back there," I didn't know how to saw the words out loud. But I was grateful he had stopped things from going a little bit too far.

"You proved your point Alyssa, but I didn't doubt you were an adult, in any sense of the word. It was stupid of me to egg you on," he sighed, his eyes meeting mine. "But I didn't want anything to happen to you because of that stupid bet, and that douchebag...he was going to take it too far," he said, then he waited for me to reply.

I don't know if it was the large amounts of alcohol in our blood, or the way the moonlight made his face shine against the dark sky or if it was the fact that he had the decency to stand up for me and protect, but for some reason I found our lips connected and my insides were clenching and I felt almost whole again, almost human again.

And I think Mike felt the same way because he clutched me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me and closing his eyes, savoring the heaven we had created for ourselves in that moment.

The heaven that would lead to our hell.


	7. Untrustworthy Hangover

_**Don't want to make this author's not long so...here we go. 1) Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I love you all soo much. 2) For those of you waiting for a SCBPD update, that is next on my list...3) Happy belated Thanksgiving!**_

_**So, moving right along, here is the chapter.**_

_**Mahalo**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel**_

_**PS- I only own Alyssa, Julianne and Giselle, that is all...**_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 7- Untrustworthy Hangover **_

I felt the hangover before I even opened my eyes. My body was unnaturally warm and heavy, my eyelids aches, as well as my head. My muscles felt stiff and it felt like I had two heartbeats.

That last thought caused me to blink my eyes open. I stared at the wall of the room, feeling heat radiate off something beneath me. Slowly I lifted my cheek, my head pounding, and I turned to glance in the other direction.

His face was slack with sleep, not lined with tension and worry and sorrow like I had seen it previously. There was no lopsided smirk, or awkward set to his mouth. In sleep he lost all of the emotional barriers that were between us previously. His perfectly gelled hair was considerably out of place, and his blue eyes closed. His smooth chest rose and fell as I laid atop of it, my head had been resting just over his slow-beating heart.

My breath caught as I felt the extent of my naked chest and torso pressed along his skin and curled into his side sensuously.

I sat up suddenly. His arm, which had been curled around my waist fell onto the sheets behind me and I froze, hoping that the one motion had not woken him up.

His level breathing continued, and his eyes did not open. I let out a relieved sigh before looking down at myself.

My eyes widened as I stared down at my naked body. In a panic I reached for the sheet and tugged it around myself quickly, not caring that I had to tug the blanket out from underneath part of Mike's form. In the process of trying to regain some physical modesty, I woke Mike up.

I stared in shock, my breathing shallow, as his hand came up to cover his eyes and then rub down his face slowly. Once his hand was no longer obscuring his vision, his eyes found mine and we both stopped breathing for a moment.

I couldn't find any words at that moment, and neither could he, so we just stared. Slowly, after the shock wore off, he sat up and pulled the comforter to cover his own naked body. I quickly pulled the sheet around me, tucking on end under the other to keep it covering me.

He was staring at the wall, and after a long moment his blue eyes turned to me. There was this distanced look in his eyes as something seemed to come to light in his mind. Then he pushed himself till he was sitting on the edge of the bed, with his back to me.

He found his clothes within reach and pulled them on. He stood and glanced down at the clock on my bedside table.

"Shit," he muttered, the first word spoke that morning, and then he turned to me. "I—I have to go, I have a flight to catch."

I nodded mutely, my mind couldn't seem to wrap itself around the idea that Mike and I had had sex the previous night, and now he was just going to leave me. Like I was some kind of cheap whore he found on the street, like he was about to leave his bills on my dresser top.

I worked my bottom lip between my teeth as he shrugged his shirt on, buttoning it up the front before looking over at me again. I hadn't moved, I still sat on the bed with my legs folded under me. He didn't know what to say to me, it was obvious. So I really just hoped he said nothing at all.

He didn't speak again till he had put his shoes on and he was ready to leave. He approached the bed and stopped at the edge, just staring at me. He leaned across the bed, placing his lips on my cheek and then he straightened himself and walked out of my bedroom. I blinked when I heard the front door close, and he was gone.

-x-x-x-

"Yeah, thank you for calling, I promise I'm doing fine. Alright, bye."

I placed the phone back in it's cradle with a small sigh. I tugged a hand through my hair as I turned and looked around the living room aimlessly. The couch was still in its normal position, the TV had barely been turned on, there was dust on the coffee table and the DVD collection.

Two months and I had refused to change anything, to rearrange a single feature in our home. It made me smirk to think about all the times I'd complained about the angle of the couch and the TV, and the way we organized our DVDs from favorite to least favorite instead of in alphabetical order. And now, when I had the opportunity to change the house to however I liked it, I refused to touch a single thing.

I turned and walked down the hallway leading to the bedrooms. I had every intention of walking into my bedroom, plopping down on my bed and falling asleep curled up in my blankets. Another night completely alone in this house.

But instead, my feet took me down a different path, past the door that would lead to my bedroom and instead to the last door at the end of the hallway, across from the small bathroom that I used.

I froze as my fingers encircled the knob. I hadn't been in this room in over three months.

I took a deep breath and twisted the knob, pushing the door open gentle.

For a moment I just stood there in front of the slightly opened door, not daring to move a muscle, afraid of what I might find inside.

Gently, I shouldered the door open further as I slid inside the room. There was nothing different. I didn't find anything I didn't expect to see. It was still Julianne's room. Simple, quaint picture frames held weathered photos of me and my sister, or of Julianne and our mother, or of me and Uncle Marty. We all looked so happy in those pictures—smiling faces, bright eyes, laughing mouths.

I picked up a frame that held a picture of Julianne and I. It was from her graduation, she was in her cap and gown. I was in a floral summer dress. We were hugging and smiling with the sun in the sky behind us above the crowd of graduates and their families.

I wished I could go back to that day and change everything. Change the decisions I made about college, about how I should react to mom being sick, to how I reacted to Julianne leaving to find her own father.

It was too late, obviously. They were both gone now, and there was no possible way to bring them back.

That fact, that knowledge, that condemning thought brought tears to my eyes. I slid down the wall, still holding the picture frame in my hand. I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs and let the tears fall.

I don't how long I sat there, it could've been hours, I wasn't sure. But I lifted my eyes slightly when I heard the front door open. It could only be one person, so I chose not to move as Uncle Marty made his way through the house, calling out to me.

I saw his shadow fall across the open doorway. I heard him take a deep breath before he stepped into the room, hi eyes finding my curled up form immediately.

As our eyes met the tears that I had pushed down rose back up, choking in my throat and bubbling over my eyelids. Uncle Marty—my father—scooped me up into his arms.

"It's late Alyssa, we'll talk in the morning," he murmured as he pressed a fatherly kiss to my temple. He carried me from Julianne's room to mine, where he set me down on my bed and tucked me in.

"C-can we go see them tomorrow?" I asked softly.

"I have work, but I do think you should go," he said, giving me a sad smile.

I nodded before snuggling into my bed and closing my eyes.

"Goodnight Alyssa," Uncle Marty whispered as he closed my bedroom door.

-x-x-x-

I was still several yards away from the graves of my sister and my mother when I saw him.

Leaning against the willow that dangled its branches and leaves over the graves was Mike.

The morning where I had woken up in bed next to him flashed through my mind momentarily. But that one thought had my heart beating faster, my cheeks heating up, and my feet tripping over each other.

My feet brushed through the grass, making a soft _whooshing_ crunch as I walked. He heard me approach and lifted his head, his blue eyes meeting mine from the few feet that separated us.

"Long time no see," I said flatly as I placed the bouquet of roses on my mother's grave and the carnations on Julianne's, ignoring the bouquet Mike had already placed there.

He was silent as he stared at me.

I hadn't realized it until that moment but I hated him. I hated him for the way he just up and left that morning. Silly me to have thought that he and I had a connection and that sleeping together wasn't just some mistake.

I was obviously wrong because the minute he had woken up his pants had been on and he was halfway to the door. How stupid could I be?

The anger was burning just under my skin as we stood there in silence. It was warm out, nearing summer now and the sun was beginning to glare down on us. I refused to look over at him, but I felt his eyes boring into me.

"Look, I'm sorry for how I reacted. I...kind of freaked out-" I cut him off.

"You kind of reacted like a douche," I shot back, folding my arms across my chest.

"You're right, I did." He admitted.

I rolled my eyes. I didn't want him to agree with me. I didn't want him to be a nice guy. I wanted him to get defensive, so I could get angrier, so we could yell at each other...So I could...

What would I get out of any of that?

I sighed heavily.

I hated him because he had made me feel whole again, and then he had disappeared and left me to pick up the pieces.

"I want to make this up to you," he said softly. "I don't know how, or why, but I don't want you to hate me."

I looked up at him suddenly as I swallowed thickly. I didn't know how he could make this up to me. I had trusted him, and he had broken that. It was foolish of me to have trusted him in the first place. But I had just thought that because we connected over Julianne that we could...I don't know what I expected, but it was something better than this.

"How have you been doing?" He seemed to honestly want to know.

And I was surprised to find myself answering honestly, "better than I thought I would, but i'm lonely. Uncle Marty stops in every once in a while but most of the time its just me, and it sucks sitting in that house surrounded by everything that reminds me of Mom and Julianne. It's depressing."

Mike nodded. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped, and was silent for a moment before finally saying, "what if I could...get you out of here for a while?"

I raised my eyebrows as I looked over at him, "it what sense?"

He smirked dryly, "out of here, out of Arizona?"

"How?"

"Come on the road with me."


	8. Paradoxical Presences

_**Lots up updating coming from me...geez, it's a miracle right?**_

_**Anyways, here's another chapter...it was originally supposed to contain a whole other part to it, but it got so long i decided to just end it at a good part...So, the next chapter should be pretty fun ;) **_

_**Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter! I appreciate it sooo much. Don't be shy, leave me a review for this chapter! **_

_**Mahalo & enjoy**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel**_

_**PS- anyone know for sure what color eyes Ted DiBiase has? I've received various answers from the net and I can never tell in pictures :) Thank you! **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 8- Paradoxical Presences **_

Uncle Marty came over for dinner that night.

I couldn't get used to even thinking of him as 'my father', much less call him that out loud. So I just avoided using his name at all.

As he helped me set the table my nerves began to set in and I found myself tripping over my feet, and rambling on about insignificant things as I finished cooking our meal.

Marty noticed all of this, of course, he'd watched me grow up. He knew most everything about me, about how I acted.

"What's got you all wound up?" he asked as we sat down at the table.

"I-I've decided to take a trip, get out of here for a while." I said, easing into the subject.

"How long? Where to?" he asked, serving himself up some of the chicken I had made.

"Um...I'm not quite sure on the time, and I'll be stopping at various place. Kind of like a road trip sort of thing."

"A road trip by yourself? C'mon Alyssa, that's not any better than staying home alone like you have."

"Well, I won't be alone. I'm traveling with a...group."

I don't know why I didn't just come out and break him the news truthfully, with the real details. I was just afraid of how he'd react, because I didn't know how he would respond. I didn't know whether he'd react like my laid-back Uncle Marty would, or if, since I now knew he was my father, that he'd explode and refuse to let me go.

But I wasn't a teenager, I was over 18, he had no say in what I could or couldn't do.

I was just afraid of losing him too over something that would seem trivial in the future.

But at the moment it was a big deal. To me at least. It was a huge decision, which could prove to be a mistake in the future. But at that moment I was desperate to get out of that house, out of that city, out of the state. I wanted to travel, it had always been a dream of mine. I wanted love, what girl didn't somewhere deep down in their heart.

For a moment I felt sick. Was I really trying to fall for the guy that my sister had been completely absorbed in right before she died. Mike had told me how much he loved her. And yet we had slept together. I understand, he was confused. But what was I?

Desperate.

Yeah, that's where it left me. Desperate for love, affection, a connection to someone. It didn't help that I was incredibly attracted to Mike.

The look Uncle Marty gave me brought me back to our conversation.

"Where are you really going?"

"I'm going to travel on the road with Mike." I rushed the words out.

"Mike Mizanin? The wrestler?"

I didn't respond, just looked away.

"No, no. Absolutely not. The last thing you need to be subjected to at your age is the lifestyle of professional wrestlers." He said, standing up as he spoke fervently.

"Marty," I paused only slightly, letting the word do its intended job, "it doesn't matter what you think. I'm going. I've already decided."

"Why, what made you decide? What is in it for you?"

"Well, wouldn't you say that it's in my blood," I swallowed, "seeing as both of my parents were wrestlers," I was referring to all the things that had made me hate Julianne so much.

"You're not meant to be a wrestler Alyssa. That life's not for you."

"That's not for you to decide." My phone rang, and Mike's name flashed across the screen. "I'm leaving," I said, looking up and meeting Marty's eyes. I moved into the hall, grabbing the handle of my suitcase, and headed for the door.

"Right now?" he asked, following me through the living room.

"Yes, Mike's waiting outside. I'll call you once we've...both cooled down." I said, yanking open the door and stepping outside in the warm evening air.

I walked quickly to Mike's car, dumping in my suitcase in the backseat before getting into the passenger side.

Mike glanced at me, worry and confusion laced in his expression, "everything all right?"

"Just drive."

-x-x-x-

"So when are you going to tell me what happened back at your house between you and your...um, father?" Mike asked.

We'd flown into the next city on his schedule and rented a hotel room, with two beds, thankfully. He'd gotten me a pass so I could go backstage with him at shows and not be bothered by security and such. And now I was accompanying him to RAW.

The arena was huge, and the backstage area amazed me. I'd never been backstage before at any arena and it was an exciting experience, even though I was just there to hang out.

I glanced over at him as he lead me through the halls. I was already utterly lost, but as long as I had Mike with me I knew I'd be okay.

To be honest, the past couple days had been kind of awkward between us. We didn't really know each other and suddenly we were roommates.

Neither of us had slept well the past couple nights, so when it was dark, we would lay in our separate beds, staring up at the ceiling and talk about Julianne. I learned, through those late night conversations, what their relationship was like—despite its briefness. I could see how deep his feelings ran for my sister, and they were obviously still there. I could hear it in the way he spoke of her. She was that one thing he had gotten right in his life—fighting to be with her, falling in love with her—it had paid off for him. But good things don't last, and he lost her.

I was jealous of the connection he had with my sister, and the deep, recent memories he had. But I was her sister. I had a blood tie, a lifelong relationship with her. He had never been much more than a boyfriend, a lover. He had never gotten to be her husband. And I knew he knew that, and I knew it was something he regretted, something he sorrowed over.

But tonight was something different, I was getting to experience professional wrestling for the first time. Mike had been preparing me all day, filling me in on everything he could possibly think of. I was excited and thrilled by the talk and explanations and all conversations of Julianne had left our minds, wiping away the sadness and despair for the short day, before it would return again as soon as we laid down in our separate beds tonight.

"Are you not going to answer?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, "I told you, it was nothing. Marty just wasn't very happy with my decision, but he'll get over it."

"Like you got over things with Julianne," came his smart remark.

I sent him a glare, he had brought her up. Things were going so well but suddenly I was consumed by all the things that had been worrying me since I got in his car. The guilt drowned me every time he brought her up.

What was I doing with the man that was practically my sister's husband—he was my sister's soul mate. But here I was traveling around the country with him, sharing rooms with him, staying up late at night just to talk to him. It was so wrong and sickening, and it made me feel so guilty.

But I couldn't stop. When he asked me to travel with him, I couldn't say no.

I felt attached to him, I wanted to be around him, and I think the feeling was mutual because, he was the one who asked me to travel around the country with him.

"Hey," he placed a hand on my shoulder, which made me realize, today we'd been a lot more physical than any other day since our one night stand, "it'll be okay. I'm sorry for that, it was rude."

"Yeah, it was," I said and then smirked and he grinned back at me.

"So, I hope you don't mind but I have to go get ready for my match. I'm gonna lead you to catering and I'm sure someone will be there that you recognize." He said.

I bit my lip uncertainly. I wasn't an anti-social person, I just didn't like walking into a place where I didn't really know anyone, and no one knew me. The one person I did feel comfortable with was abandoning me.

We walked into an open area with various tables holding snacks, foods and drink and a couple of tables with folding chairs.

"Ah, hey Ted!" Mike called.

I recognized the man he had called from the funeral. He had said he was a good friend of Julianne's, the one who had called the ambulance, the one who had offered a kind ear if I ever needed to talk. I had thought I'd never speak to him again, but then I had seen him at the disastrous dinner, and now again.

He turned and walked toward us and his eyes fell on me. "Alyssa," his voice was soft, but I caught the surprise. There was no displeasure in his tone, but instead there seemed to be a happiness in his eyes.

"So we meet again," I said, raising my eyebrows.

"It seems so. What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I asked her to come on the road with me, and she agreed," Mike interjected quickly. "Do you mind hanging with her until after my match?"

A strange look fell over Ted's face at Mike's answer but the expression changed quickly into a smile, "nah, it's no problem. I didn't say if Alyssa ever needed someone to talk to, I'd be here." His eyes met mine and I was caught for a moment by his soft eyes.

"Well, great," Mike said before turning to. "Promise to root for me during my match?"

"Of course," I replied and he beamed at me.

"I'll see you after I shower up after my match. We'll probably head out to a local club, the group usually does that after the show." He informed me, placing a hand on my arm before walking away.

"I'll be sure to dress accordingly," I muttered and turned back to Ted.

"Didn't think I'd ever be seeing you again, after that night at the restaurant," he said, motioning for me to follow him.

"I didn't think I'd see any of you after that night either, but then Mike showed up at the cemetery last week." I replied.

Ted just nodded, stopping at an empty table. We both sat down and he smiled over at me, "I'm glad though, that you're here."

"Why is that?" I asked, tilting my head slightly.

"It's going to sound corny, but I want to get to know you, I thought, and maybe it's just me, but I thought we had a connection." He looked a little sheepish as he said that, and it was cute—the uncertainty, the earnestness of it.

As I looked at him I realized that I felt the same way. I had felt a connection with him, he made me feel at ease which is different from what I felt with Mike. With Mike, I felt closer to my sister, like I was sharing the one thing she cherished above all else, but it was emotional. I was constantly torn between the tension, the guilt, the depression and then the strange elated floating of my chest when I was around Mike.

"I probably just made things really awkward," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing away.

My eyes widened as I realized I hadn't spoken and a few moments had already passed. "No," I said quickly, "it's not just you," I nodded, I wasn't about to explain to him how it wasn't just him, and how he made me feel calm and safe, "I feel so relaxed around you, like I can just breathe," or maybe I was.

That was totally embarrassing, but his eyes met mine again and he smiled softly. It was a heartwarming smile, that made me smile in response.

We sat in silence for a moment, but it was peaceful, not awkward. Finally I remembered something he had mentioned when we spoke outside of the restaurant in Arizona.

"You said you talked a lot with Julianne?"

He nodded, "yeah, I did."

"What about?"

He shrugged, "anything really." He grinned at something for a moment, "I think she liked comparing our childhoods. We both had fathers in the business yet our youths were complete opposites and I think she liked to contrast our two lifestyles."

The conversation flowed as we talked about my sister. It was refreshing to hear about my sister though the eyes and memories of someone who hadn't been crazy in love with her. Ted had been her friend, her good friend—I now believed him. He'd been there at a lot of moments that Mike hadn't. And times when they had both been there, Ted had a completely different view of it all.

Our conversation eventually changed topics, and we still talked endlessly, like we couldn't run out of things to say to each other. It was so easy to just speak with him, whereas with Mike, I was pretty cautious about what I said, or what I brought up because I didn't know if it was something that held a connotation with my sister that would kill the mood.

Ted glanced up at the TV that was balanced atop a stack of crates and blinked. "Mike's match is starting," he motioned with his hand toward the TV.

I blinked and turned eyes in that direction, watching. But every so often my eyes would slide over to Ted, to find him watching me with those soft eyes that held me captive for a moment longer than need be.

But I never stopped smiling to myself.


	9. Departing Lust

_**Kind of short, but this chapter gets where it is supposed to get. I hope you guys enjoy it! Thank you to everyone who reviewed/read the last chapter. Great to know you're still out there :) **_

_**So here it is, ready, review & enjoy...**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 9- Departing Lust**_

After he had showered and redressed, Mike found me where he had left me, in catering with Ted. Once Mike's match had finished Ted and I had started up another conversation almost instantly. This time our topic was that of the business as Ted explained to me issues that I had never even considered.

"Did Julianne ever show an interest in...y'know, training?" I asked.

Ted smiled sadly, "we tried to talk her into it several times. I don't think she ever would have though. She was better at treating the wounded, not being the wounded," he smiled slightly and shook his head. "She would've been one hell of a fighter, I'm sure she had some of Shawn's charisma in her."

"It would've been interesting to see," I murmured.

"Could you ever see yourself in the business?" Ted asked, "since you're dad was a wrestler as well."

I shrugged and was silent for a moment, honestly turning the idea over. "I don't know, I am-" I faltered, "-was a journalism student. I don't think I could ever be a professional athlete. I'm better at reporting about the wounded, not being the wounded," I smirked slightly as I used a variation of his own phrase.

He smiled and then sobered, "you make it sound like you're not in school anymore. I swear Julianne told me you were."

"Actually, I dropped out not long after Julianne left to go meet Shawn. After my mom died, and Julianne left, I was lost for a while. School didn't seem as important to me anymore, so I canceled my attendance for spring semester."

"You never told Julianne?"

"No, she would've been furious, and she would've made me go back, and I know now, I don't really want to. College isn't for everyone," I smiled unconvincingly.

He was about to say something in return when Mike placed a hand on my shoulder, "hey, you guys ready to go?"

I blinked, I had totally forgotten about the plans we'd made for after the show. I looked down at myself as Ted and I stood up. "Do I look okay?"

Mike smiled at me, "you look great, as usual."

"You're such a flirt," Ted said, clapping Mike on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go find Beth and Jillian, let 'em know you're here. I'll see you guys at the club." Ted sent me a wink before leaving Mike and I alone.

"I see you've made a friend," Mike said as we turned to leave the room and began walking towards his rental.

"Ted's nice, I enjoyed talking with him."

"Well that's good. I wouldn't want you to be bored while you're here."

Bored wasn't a word I would use in my current situation.

The WWE Superstars and Divas certainly knew how to party. VIP lounge at a local hotspot, rounds of drinks that never ended, great music for dancing. The night felt like it would last forever.

I'd been introduced to several other WWE employees the moment I stepped into the place on Mike's arm. I'd danced with Mike several times, another attractive guy named Cody, and various others whose names I had already forgotten.

Drinks had been passed into my hands throughout the night, and they'd left my hands empty. By the time Ted found me I was well on my way to drunk.

"You look like you're having fun," he spoke into my ear, loud enough so I could hear him over the base-thumping music.

I laughed and placed my arms around his neck, "dance with me."

"I can do that," he replied and we grinned at each other.

One song slid by and another, Ted and I somehow had begun a conversation. We had to repeat ourselves quite a few times, and lean in closer to each others ears, but we didn't seem to notice the proximity, or what it may have looked like to outsiders.

"Mind if I cut in?" a voice asked all of a sudden as a hand squeezed it's way in between my body and Ted's.

We leaned back from each other and I turned my head to see that Mike was the one who had spoken.

"Hey," I instantly moved my arms so they were around Mike.

"Thanks for the dance Ted," I called to the Southern man as he smiled slightly and backed away from Mike and I.

We danced in silence for a few moments before he pulled me over to the bar. He ordered two shots, one for him and one for me.

After downing his he spoke, "so I've been thinking."

"Thinking is good."

"About you and me. I've made an observation."

"How observant of you." We both grinned at each other, the alcohol thoroughly working over our systems.

"I've come up with two theories."

"Alright, what are they."

"Okay. One. We had our one night stand because we're both very attractive people and we were both very lonely. It was just coincidence, we could've slept with anyone, but we just happened to have each other on that day."

"Alright, that's one theory," I said, holding up the number on my fingers.

"My second theory is that there's an insane amount of unexplainable sexual tension between us and that the one time we did have sex will not be the last time."

Our eyes met and I should've known that the latter of the two theories was the correct one. It should've been obvious since the moment I agreed to come on the road with him.

I groaned as I rolled over onto my stomach and buried my head into the pillow. It felt like a heavy sledgehammer was chipping away at my skull.

"Mm...good morning, I guess," a voice mumbled.

My eyes popped open and I looked up slightly to see Mike sitting on the edge of the bed, already dressed.

He looked equally as hungover as I did.

"Morning," I whispered.

We'd slept together, again. And it was the first of many times that we did while I traveled on the road with him.

It felt like every other night I woke up in the same bed as Mike. I knew in reality it was only once or twice a week, but it was enough to make us deem a hotel room with two beds as pointless.

We spent every day together, and for the most part we got along well. Sure we didn't agree on everything, we had some issues over small things, but we always found ourselves smiling together at the end of the day as we got into bed.

It was a strange relationship, and a strange dynamic. I didn't know how to describe Mike and I. We were friends, but there was a lot more sexual tension between us. But we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. Some might label us as friends with benefits, but we didn't have sex to just have sex. We never planned for it to happen either. It always just...happened.

And in all that "happening" I found myself slipping off that precarious edge. Every now and then I would stumble over that line that divided us from being physically attached to emotionally attached. I felt it happening, and there wasn't much I could do.

It was frightening. One moment we could be in the middle of ripping each others clothes off and then Mike would tuck a strand of my hair back and kiss my forehead and the moment suddenly changed. Our caresses would gentle and smooth out, our kisses held less of a frenzied passion, and the night was so much more sentimental than usual.

I wasn't sure if he knew it or not, but he held my heart in his hand. As much as it disgusted me, and made me feel guilty, I couldn't help but feel a thrill roll down my spine when I thought of that.

The feelings I held for Mike were far from carnal and lustful. They may have started off as an intense longing and a vicarious connection with my sister, but now my heart was becoming connected to his in a much more connected way.

But I didn't know how Mike felt.

Another morning like several others I woke up, my head lying on Mike's pillow. He was already awake, watching me from his spot on the edge of the bed. I lifted my head up slightly to grin at him and he returned the expression, running his fingers through my straight hair.

My smile slowly faded as I studied him.

"Mike, why do we only have sex when we're hopelessly drunk?" I asked softly, laying my head back down on the pillow. I couldn't keep eye contact while I waited for his answer.

"Because when we're drunk, we're honest about everything, including our feelings."


	10. Popular Pariah

_**So, it took me forever to finally sit down and continue planning out the fic. But i have now done so, so here's an update :) **_

_**Thanks for the reviews, i appreciate them :) Sorry for any grammatical errors...ummm...I only own Alyssa & Julianne...that is all.**_

_**Enjoy**_

_**xoxoxo**_

**_Angel _**

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 10- Popular Pariah**_

_"Because when we're drunk, we're honest about everything, including our feelings." _

That one sentence stuck with me. What were my feelings?

And what the fuck were Mike's feelings?

-x/x/x-

"Hey, you ready for this?" Ted asked as I opened my hotel room door.

I smiled, laughing at the ridiculous expression on his face. "I thought so, now I'm not so sure."

He rolled his eyes as he walked into the room. "I got Chinese takeout this time and we have Wrestlemania 22 on DVD," He said setting the bag of boxes down on the table before tossing me the DVD.

Both Mike and Ted had been hard at work converting me in a major professional wrestling fan. And their efforts had paid off. I would gladly admit that I was hooked. Plus, having two professionals as your mentors didn't hurt. I got opinions and experiences from both aspects of the wrestling world—as a talent and as a fan.

Mike had been teaching me about current affairs and recent ones, whereas Ted had been taking care of the historic aspect of it. Every weekend for the past 5 and a half months that I've been on the road with them, we've watched every Wrestlemania chronologically.

Honestly I loved all of it. And I was glad I could call Ted a friend. I spent most of my time with him or Mike. I didn't socialize with anyone else. I'd talked with Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes a couple times, because they were Ted's good friends, but they weren't anything more than acquaintances to me.

I didn't mind though. But I did feel like Julianne all of a sudden. In high school, I'd always been the girl with a huge group of friends, who knew everyone, had a handful of "friends" in every class. Whereas Julianne had only a tight-knit group of friends and didn't try to bring anyone else into that group.

Now I was like that. I had my small group of people who I got along well with, and for the most part, trust. So what if the group only included myself and two other people. How man friends did I really need?

Honestly, I needed a trip home, where all my childhood friends were. But going home meant confronting Marty and I'd been doing a fantastic job avoiding his calls and messages so far. I don't know if I was ready to have the conversation with him that I knew we would eventually have to have.

"Hey, are we watching 'Mania or what?" Ted asked, gaining my attention.

I smiled, "of course," I put the DVD in as he settled down on the bed in the room.

I know Ted knew that Mike and I roomed together, but I wondered if he ever noticed that there was only ever one bed in my hotel room. He never made a comment, never asked any questions about it, so I just assumed that he didn't notice, didn't care, or made up excuses for it in his own head. Whatever he did, it was nice and reassuring. I didn't need one of my two friends bugging me all the time about something that I just didn't know how to explain.

I made myself a plate and then joined him on the bed, lying on my stomach next to him, with my food in front of me. Something simple in the mix of this whole unexplainable situation I was in.

-x-x-x-

"So, I trust I can leave you to your won devices while I go get ready for my segment, right?" Mike said as we were walking down the halls of another arena, on another episode of Monday Night Raw.

"Of course, I'm gonna go meet up with Ted before his match." I said.

"Cause you didn't just see him yesterday," Mike said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes, "are you jealous Mikey?"

"Jealous," he guffawed, "you wish."

I punched his arm before we both burst into laughter. It was nice to pretend sometimes that we were just two really good friends who were both secretly into each other and flirted naturally.

But that wasn't really us.

But I was hoping that our act, not that it was an act, fooled people.

I caught a couple Divas glancing over at Mike and I, before they whispered something to each other. I recognized one of them. Jillian, she had been on of Julianne's friends. The other was Mickie James. I watched her matches, she was an amazing wrestler and a former champion, but she'd never been introduced to me and she didn't seem to want to know me.

I looked away from the two and back at Mike, who was watching me.

"You alright?" he asked.

I gave him a look, "of course I am, why wouldn't I be? You go get ready, I'm gonna go find Ted."

"Alright, I'll see you after," and with that we went separate ways.

I pulled my cell out, sending a text to Ted, asking him where he was.

"Alyssa," someone called out my name and I stopped walking. I turned and spotted Paul walking towards me.

I hadn't seen much of him since I'd come on the road. I'd run into him once or twice, but he was always on his way to do something or go to a meeting or whatever it is he did.

"Paul, hello," I said, smiling at the man.

"Hello, how are you?" He asked, "enjoying traveling?"

I smiled honestly, "I'm good, yeah I love the whole wrestling life. I'm being schooled in all things WWE by Mike and Ted."

"That's good, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. I just," he paused, "I talked to Shawn a couple days ago, and he wondered how you were doing. I told him you were on the road with the company. He wanted me to tell you he said hi and he hoped you were doing well." He smiled uncertainly afterward.

I tried to hide my surprise, "oh, well next time you talk to him tell him I said hi back. And that I'm doing well. Um.." I didn't know what else to say, was there anything else to say?

"I will, well, I have to get going. Stephanie's waiting on me," he said with a nod.

"Alright, I'll talk to you later then," I said as he made his way around me and off to wherever he was headed.

"Hey, there you are," it was Ted now and he was grinning at me.

"Hey," I hugged him and he returned it.

"You hungry?" he asked.

"A little, why? We hitting up catering?" I asked.

"Yup, I haven't eaten since breakfast."

I laughed.

Ted and I sat together in catering for the next hour. We never seemed to run out of things to tell each other. I just felt so comfortable around Ted. Something about his presence relaxed me.

I leaned my head on his shoulder as we sat in silence for a few moments.

Then suddenly, Ted broke the silence.

"Sometimes I wish Julianne was here. With us. Things would be so different if she was."

I smiled softly, sadly.

I don't know if he realized it or not, but if Julianne was still alive, he and I probably wouldn't be as close as we are now. I wouldn't be on the road either.

I'd be at home, still trying to cope with the fact that Marty was my father, hating my sister for finding her father, and then her soul mate, and leaving me alone.

Her soul mate, Mike.

If Julianne was still alive, Mike and I wouldn't be caught in the web that we're trapped in.

But, instead of telling Ted those things, I just agreed with him.

"Yeah, I wish she was here too."

He wrapped an arm around me, and in one of those rare moments where he showed the inexplicably tender side of himself, he kissed my forehead and I felt myself warm.

He checked the time on his phone. "I have to meet Maryse at the curtain. I've got ten minutes till my match. Will you walk me there?" he asked.

I sat up and nodded. "Yeah, sure."

I didn't want that serene, tender moment to end. I stared at Ted as we headed to the curtain and he began talking about something that I just wasn't comprehending.

Ted made me feel safe.

As we walked, side by side, my fingers brushed his and I felt a shock run up my arm.

He didn't seem to notice, or maybe he didn't feel anything. So I stayed silent and finally turned into the conversation.

"So they put me in the storyline with Maryse. They're looking for that big romantic angle. But I don't think this will do much, we're both heels, so it's not like the majority of the fans will take our side or like us. I wish they'd give me just one big opportunity," he sighed, frustrated.

I smiled sympathetically at him as we approached the curtain.

I saw Maryse, blonde hair, tight dress, talking with some other wrestler.

"Good luck in your mach," I told Ted.

He smiled, "thanks, I'll see you tomorrow, lunch?"

"Sounds like a plan."

I smiled at Ted as he walked backwards toward the curtain.

"Kick ass!" I told him.

"Naturally," he winked before turning and saying something to Maryse, who had been made his valet a couple months ago. Before they headed out in front of the fans Maryse looked back at me and our eyes connected for a moment.

Her glare is what caught me off guard. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to think of why she would look at me with such—such disapproval. But before I could even respond back with my own glare, she had turned away and walked through the curtain to Ted's music.

Thoroughly confused I turned on my heel and walked away. I decided to head to catering, since I had nothing better to do. Mike was recording a segment soon, then he'd have his match, and then he'd have to shower up—which meant I had a lot of time on my hands to do nothing.

Once in catering I pulled out a book I had gotten at the airport and opened it to the page where I had left off. With a soft sigh I began reading.

I don't know how long I sat there reading, I was left alone for a long time. Between ignoring the world around me, the lack of people in catering, and the fact that even though I'd been traveling with the roster for six months, I still didn't talk to a lot of people. Mostly just Mike and Ted. It was obvious the Divas didn't like me much. I don't know why, I've never done anything, or really said anything to any of them. I'd talk to Beth & Jillian a couple times. But Beth was out on injury and Jillian just plain avoided me mostly.

But what distracted me from my peaceful reading was when a figure finally fell into my peripheral vision. I glanced up from my book, seeing a platinum blond woman standing before me.

Maryse, the one who had glared at me earlier. I straightened up in my chair slightly, but left my book open.

"Hi," I said, my voice quiet with an edge to it. I was trying hard not to show how unpleasant her interruption was.

Maryse ignored my half-assed greeting and glanced back over her shoulder, her eyes surveying catering. I looked around as well, noticing that we were alone. The show must have been over, or close to it.

I turned back to Maryse, who had already finished checking if the coast was clear and was now staring at me intently, with open disapproval and dislike.

"I have one question to ask and then I will go back to ignoring you, like all the other Divas do." She announced, her accent thick her voice hard.

My eyebrows furrowed, "okay," I extended the word, exaggerating the a sound as I shook my head minutely.

I don't know what I expected her question to be, but what she asked caught me completely off guard.

"Are you and Mike..." she searched the air as if the correct word would appear from it, "dating?" Her eyes locked onto mine as she waited for my answer.

I blinked in shock. Well that was straight forward and unexpected.

I didn't know how to answer her question. And the reasons I didn't is because I didn't know what to call the relationship I had with Mike. We were friends, but when we were drunk we were lovers—not in a romantic way, either.

It just reminded me again about how I needed to ask Mike about his feelings.

I focused back on Maryse and her question. I forced an incredulous expression on my face as I began to act shocked and disgusted at her question. "No! Mike and I are definitely not dating. Why would you think that?"

She raised an eyebrow, "now, you don't exist." And she turned on her high-heeled shoe and walked away.

I sat back in my chair, letting out a breath. What had just happened?

I glanced up at movement. Mike was walking into catering as Maryse walked out. Maryse walked by him without a second glance as he tried to make some sort of greeting. His eyebrows knitted together, obviously confused as he looked down. Then his eyes found me. I sent him a reassuring smile.

"What's her issue?" he asked, stopping next to my chair.

I shrugged, "dunno, she just walked in here , grabbed some fruit and left," I lied, smiling at Mike.

He returned my expression. "So, do you wanna go out tonight?" he asked.

We both knew what that would entail.

I needed to ask him, and although we were painfully honest when we were drunk, I wanted to get his answer while he was sober.

"Nah, I'm pretty tired, and you must be too after your match," I answered, even though I hadn't even watched his match.

He smiled softly, "yeah, I am pretty sore. So, night in? We can pick up food on the way back to the hotel."

"Sounds good, let's go, I'm ready to leave." I replied.

"Me too," he said, motioning to his bag.

We left catering together, and the arena. And as we walked through the hallways with other Superstars and Divas who were also heading back to the hotel or out to the club, I realized none of them glanced up at me, or paid me any attention.

After my sister died, they had practically been fighting over who got to talk to me, but once they'd left Arizona I'd lost my importance and my interest. And when I came on the road, they either didn't remember who I was or just didn't care.

But now, they just acted like I didn't exist.

Maryse's words replayed over in my mind.

_"Now, you don't exist."_

And I obviously didn't belong here either.


	11. Inescapably Conversational

_**This chapter was so hard to write for me. I just couldn't get the tailend of it to come out right. I still don't quite like it, but i've rewritten it so many times that i really just want to be done with it. **_

_**So here it is, chapter 11...enjoy :) **_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel**_

_**PS- haven't done this in a while, I only own Alyssa, Julianne & Giselle Scott. Everything/everyone else belongs to their respective owners. **_

_**Oh also, there will be about 20 chapters to this fic, including the epilogue...so...9 chapters left & counting! **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 11- Inescapably Conversational **_

I couldn't help my wondering. I wanted to know Mike's feelings, how he viewed our relationship.

If you could really call it a relationship.

I mean, was he still in love with Julianne?

She'd been in our conversations less and less lately. Since we started...

Since we started fucking consistently, Mike and I had stopped bringing her up. I was beginning to think it wasn't respect for the dead, but more for the guilt we felt—or at least the guilt I felt. I don't know if Mike feels guilty.

The guilt was certainly consuming me, distracting me.

It was noticeable, it had to be, because Mike was suddenly on edge, snappy, constantly grumpy.

The guilt wasn't the only thing bothering me. My own cowardice was also making me itch with tension.

I was too scared to actually just be forthright and ask him how he felt. I was afraid of the rejection I could possibly face. I'd never been good with rejection. I was always the person who broke up with the other, not the one who was dumped, because I couldn't handle it. I'd crumble and break down. So I never put myself in that position.

But, I was even more afraid of the opposite. I was afraid that maybe Mike did have feelings for me, than it was more than just a physical attraction. That would create so many complicated things for the both of us.

It would be a source of more guilt for me.

I mean, wouldn't seem like one big cosmic joke for me to fall in love with the man who was my sister's soul mate?

It lacked humor, but it was ironic, and it was cruel.

But I didn't love him. At least, I don't think I do. Isn't love characterized by butterflies, and tingles and fireworks. Intense need to be around the person, to be touching, to hear their voice. I didn't necessarily have those sensations for Mike, at least, not in the "love" context.

Sure, he made me shiver as his lips descended down my neck in a fiery trail. But it wasn't excitement or because of the connection I felt to him as he stripped my clothes away. It was lust. Plain and simple.

Maybe that's all that it was that I felt. I lusted for him. I didn't like him. I was attracted to him for his physical qualities and actions. Not because we had several things in common, or we trusted each other unconditionally. Because we didn't. We weren't all that alike. And I honestly wouldn't trust him with my life. I didn't feel like I could tell him everything, because there were certain subjects that I tiptoed around with him. There were conversations that I didn't want to have.

I sighed. I was getting nowhere thinking this way. I was distracting myself from the point, deluding myself, confusing myself.

I sighed again.

"Hey, did you hear what I said?" A hand waved in front of my face. I lifted my eyes to meet Mike's.

He was in his ring gear, his match was coming up soon, and I was sitting in the locker room he shared with a few of the others guys. No one else was in there, I realized, which meant that while I had been ignoring his voice assuming he had been talking to someone else, he had really been talking to me. Whoops.

"No, sorry, I'm pretty tired."

"Yeah, you've been spacey a lot lately," he muttered, straightening up. "Anyway, I said I was heading out for my match and that after the show everyone's going out. Are you gonna grace us with you presence tonight? You've rain checked the last three times." He spoke as he headed toward the door, and when he asked his question, he turned his head to look at me. His eyebrow was arched. I knew how he wasn't too thrilled every time I had refused to go out, and made up some lame excuse for staying in. Lately, he'd just decided to go without me, and leave me in the hotel room by myself. All this thinking I'd been silently doing had clearly created a vast space between us.

I really didn't want him to be made at me. I forced a smile onto my lips, "yeah, sure. That'd be fun." I said.

He smiled in return, looking relieved. "All right, cool. I gotta go."

"Good luck," I called after him as he left the room. I leaned back against the couch and let out a long sigh.

"Well that doesn't sound good," a voice said.

I jumped, sitting up straight as my eyes flew to the source of the voice, and my hand flew to my chest.

"Ted, oh my god, don't do that ever again." I said, breathing quickly.

He tried to choke down his laughter, but a soft chuckle escaped him. "Sorry," he apologized.

"That didn't sound very believable," I said, noting his smirk and expression.

He sat down next to me, "so what seems to be the problem?"

"Who said there was a problem?" I countered.

"Oh come on, give me some credit here, I think I know you well enough to be able to judge when something's on your mind. You've been acting strange lately. Especially when you're around Mike." He said, resting his elbows on his knees as he turned his head to face me, his eyes searching my face, waiting for my answer.

I swallowed, "I'm just...confused about a few things."

"Like what?" He asked.

I didn't know how to respond, I didn't want to sound rude, but I kinda of wanted to tell him to mind his own damn business. But a part of me found his curiosity and his worry to be sweet.

"I've just been thinking too much. I tend to over think things a lot. I work myself up over things by thinking about them when I could just ask someone the question I've been wondering, but I just won't. Instead I sit here and I think about it and-"

Ted's thumb laid over my lips gently, and I stopped mid sentence, my eyes snapping up to meet his.

"You're rambling."

I sighed, "I know."

He smiled slightly, leaning back, his finger leaving my lips. I stared at him for a moment as he looked away, his blue eyes focusing on the floor of the locker room.

"Well, if you want to talk about this issue that you've been thinking about so much, I'm always here." He said.

I smiled softly as he looked up and our eyes locked.

"Maybe, some other time." I replied.

He gave me a half-smile and a slight nod which was followed by a thick silence.

After a while I couldn't take it anymore, "was there something you needed to talk to me about, is that why you came and found me?"

That seemed to remind him of something, he straightened up, his face brightening to its usual good-natured and jovial expression.

"Oh, right. I got an...idea the other day."

"An idea?" I asked, arching an eyebrow, not sure if I should be curious or worried.

He grinned at my expression, "nothing bad, I promise. I was thinking, maybe you'd be interested in being trained. By me."

"As a wrestler?"

"No, as a baker." He rolled his eyes, "yes, as a wrestler."

"By you?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

I went silent for a moment, thinking over the proposition. Training to be a wrestler couldn't do anything but good for me. Maybe if I was a wrestler, people around here would start to thing that I did belong, that I wasn't just mooching off my dead sister's boyfriend. Maybe they would start to like me, or at least tolerate me. I hated only having two people to talk to. I needed more friends.

Ted had taken my silence as a rejection. "Well, I mean, we could get help training. Shawn would probably be willing, and Mike would help, since you two are...close."

He was scrambling to try to convince me, to reassure me.

I grinned at him, "no, I think you being my trainer would be great. Let's do it."

He looked shocked, "really?"

"Yeah, why not? It's kind of in my blood, isn't it?"

"A little," he laughed, "I can't believe you said yes."

"Well, you better believe it, coach."

He rolled his eyes, "don't call me that, but we better start getting you into shape. Gym, tomorrow, six o'clock."

"In the morning?" I asked.

"Do I hear you complaining?" He said, using an authoritative tone.

I started laughing, "maybe."

"Oh, this is going to be fun." He commented.

"It was your idea."

My thoughts got the better of me again later that night. At the club, I was spacey and disconnected from the crowds of people around us, not at all good company. Mike had been a little disappointed, and more rude about it than he needed to be.

But I was worried about a lot of things.

Like, for one, did the Divas and Superstars know that Mike and I had the habit of sleeping together when we both got drunk?

I hadn't said anything to anyone, not even Ted. I didn't think Mike had told anyone either, but maybe he had, maybe that's why the Divas didn't like me. It didn't make sense, it wasn't any of their business. I didn't know what to the think.

"You look stressed, you're supposed to be having fun," Ted said as he leaned against the edge of the booth I was sitting at.

I shrugged, "I'm not really in the mood anymore."

"C'mon, do a shot with me. Just one, it'll help you loosen up."

I let him talk me into it, and after one shot, I ordered another. And another. And another.

Soon, I was well on my way to a hell of a hangover, but I didn't seem to care anymore.

The more alcohol I consumed, the less I thought about my dilemma with Mike. I liked the clearness of my swimming head. There were no jumbling, troubling thoughts. Just the buzz of alcohol as it did something to my brain that Julianne probably could've been able to explain if she had been there.

But she wasn't.

She wasn't here. She was dead. Mike was alive. I was alive.

Why couldn't I have Mike? Julianne was dead.

But what about Ted?

_What_ about Ted?

Ted.

My only friend on the road.

Mike wasn't really a friend, he didn't count because I was having sex with him.

Ted was my friend. A good friend.

I liked Ted. I liked Ted a lot.

He was attractive. He was sweet. And he worried about me.

Did Mike worry about me? Probably not.

I was thinking again. I wasn't supposed to be thinking.

I took another shot.

"Whoa, slow down there, sweetheart," Ted said, catching my hand before I went to wave the bartender over for another shot. He sent me a lopsided smile that made my heart flip flop.

Yes, Ted was all of those amazing qualities a guy needed to have to be considered "a good man." Sweet, considerate, adorable, charming, funny.

I sighed slightly, and Ted quirked an eyebrow.

"Something on your mind?"

"Isn't there always," I responded exasperatedly.

"Well, people do usually tend to do this thing, it's called thinking."

"Oh, is that it?" I smirked, "I think I've encountered that a couple times."

"Good, it means your normal. Wanna tell me what you're thinking about?"

"You're kinda perfect."

He looked surprised, his eyes wide, eyebrows raised. "That's what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

I nodded with a wide grin, alcohol whirling through my system. I couldn't even remember what the name of the club was anymore, or what city we were currently in.

"How am I perfect? Because in all actuality, I'm far from it."

"You're the kind of guy I should fall in love with."

"But you're not in love with me."

"I might be. I-I don't know. It's all so confusing. I'm not like Julianne, I don't know what love is, I don't know anything. I-I've never done anything in my life. I couldn't even finish college!"

"College isn't for everyone."

"College was for Julianne."

"You're not Julianne."

That was the most perfect thing he could've said to me.

I'd been battling with identity crisis since I met Mike. Sometimes I wondered if Mike even realized how different I was fro my sister or if he just bypassed all the differences and made up ways I was alike her.

"I know, I'm not."

"And that's what I like about you."  
Our eyes met and I smiled slightly. My eyes fell to his lips before lifting back up to meet his gaze. He breathed in slowly, and I watched as his muscled chest moves with his breathing, and I wondered what it would feel like to run my hand up his hard abdomen and his strong chest.

My breath caught in my throat at the thought as a burst of heat shot through my body. I leaned in to Ted, about to-

"Hey, come here Lyssa," suddenly I was being led away from Ted.

It was Mike, he was smiling at me partially, while his eyes hardened as he looked past me over the top of my head. I didn't try to dissect it or anything. I let him pull me away.

"You having fun now?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

I smiled and bopped my head in an affirmative nod. "Yeah, feeling a lot better now. What about you? Anything sparking your interest tonight?"

"Besides you, nothing really."

"Aw, how smooth."

His hand was on my hip, stroking rhythmically while his other arm encircled my waist. Our lips were just inches apart as his blues eyes surveyed me.

"Wanna get out of here?" He asked.

"In a minute," I replied.

Out of no where I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. It was drunken, and impulsive, and stupid because all of his co-workers were there, including Ted. If everyone didn't know before, they would figure it out now.

But Mike didn't react how I had expected him to. Instead, he ripped himself away from me, separating our bodies completely so not even a centimeter of us touched each other.

He took another step back, "what the fuck was that?"

My mouth gaped open at him, not comprehending what was happening in my drunken state. "I-I don't, I don't. I wasn't thinking."

"Yeah, that's where you're problem started." He shot back quickly, "what made you think you could do that?"

I shook my head, at a loss for words. My mind was completely blank form the shock as Mike turned on me.

"I thought-"

"No Alyssa, just...no. We're not, like that."

And before I couldn't even try to retort about how we fucked each other, so how could we not be like that, he was gone. Storming out of the club, leaving the stares of the crowd to focus on me. My cheeks burned in embarrassment, and my eyes fell to the floor as my arms hugged myself protectively.

I was a fool. I was so stupid.

I needed to get out of there. The room was stifling, I was suffocating. I couldn't stand the stares.

I fled from the scene quickly, finding a cab to take me back to the hotel.

Mike wasn't in our hotel room, but there was a note left by him. It informed me of what I had already guess. He was staying with someone else for the night, so we could clear our head.

That one night turned into a whole week.

Mike didn't breathe a word to me for the next seven days. I caught glimpses of him in the hallways, but he never approached me and I never approached him.

Ted was with me some of the days. Somehow, he hadn't witnessed the scene at the club, or if he had, he never said anything about it. I was thankful for that. It was the one blessing in this whole mess. Ted couldn't and wouldn't judge me.

I'd called Marty to check in, there wasn't much for us to talk about. Well there was, but most of it I wasn't willing to share with Marty. My father. Who would tell their father about their fucked up love life, how they were fuck buddies with their dead sister's soul mate while there was a perfectly good guy around that she should certainly be focusing her attention on.

I realized during this week, that I didn't just like Ted as a person. No, I was also very, very attracted to him. And if I wasn't in such a mess with Mike, maybe if I had never met Mike, then I would've looked for a relationship with Ted.

Okay, maybe I wasn't just attracted to Ted. Maybe I had budding feelings for him as well. So sue me. He was the one man who treated me with decency that didn't want to just sleep with me to feel like he was closer to my sister. He really cared about me, about what I thought, what I felt.

But, my love life was fucked up as it was, I didn't need to fuck Ted's love life up as well.

He'd started training me, though. Just the basics, simple rules of the ring, basic lands and spots, creating a good foundation for the more complicated things I would learn later. He'd also started me out on a rigorous work out schedule to get me into shape. I actually liked getting up early and going to the gym, running on the treadmill and the likes. It was a nice time to just listen to music, and focus on a task that didn't contain something complicated, like emotions.

But, it was Monday again. Which meant seeing Mike most likely.

I was definitely trying to avoid him as I made my way down the halls to catering. I had my book in my hand. I had ridden to the arena with Ted, but he had a dark match, which meant he was up first. So he had left me to my own devices.

As I walked quietly down the halls, trying to speed up my steps to get to my destination even quicker, in fear that I may run into Mike. Or someone else just as unpleasant.

When I passed by a locker room with a door slightly ajar, raised voices caught my attention. Familiar voices caught my attention. I paused and retreated back a few paces to the door. I was standing behind it so whoever was in the room couldn't see me eavesdropping.

"What the hell are you thinking?" A woman's thick accented voice yelled.

"I don't know Maryse!"

"Messing around with her sister? Do you know how wrong that is, how fucked up it is? You're disrespecting Julianne every time you put your hands on Alyssa." Maryse yelled.

It was obvious who she was yelling at. It was Maryse and Mike in that locker room.

"She's her _sister_. You do realize that Alyssa is not Julianne. They are two very different people."

"How do you even know that, you won't even talk to Alyssa!"

"Don't turn this around on me. You're the one in the wrong. You shouldn't be fucking your dead girlfriend's sister! It's fucked up because I know you don't even really care about her. You're just using her!"

That couldn't be true. Could it?

"I'm not-" she cut him off.

"Don't lie to me, and more importantly, don't lie to yourself Mike. You're not in love with her, and you certainly shouldn't be having sex with the poor girl. She's young, she's confused. She just lost her sister, and her mother, and here you are fucking with her head, her emotions and her body."

"Do people know?"

"That you've been fucking her since she came on the road? No, but there are rumors. People here aren't stupid, Mike. They'll figure it out if you two pull another stunt like you did last week, just like I figured it out. I think it'd be best if you just come clean with her. Tell her the truth."

"Maryse-"

I couldn't listen to any more, I ran away from the locker room. Trying to block out their voices as the conversation I had just witnessed rang in my head, over and over again.

That was why Maryse didn't like me. She put two and two together with Mike and I, and she obviously disapproves of the relationship. She sees it as a big "fuck you" to my sister's memory.

I sat down behind a stack of crates in the hall way, leaning my back against the wall as I held my face in my hands. I didn't know what to think. And I still didn't know Mike's honest feelings. Maryse could be wrong.

Who the fuck was I kidding?

I didn't cry, I continued on as if everything was normal. I didn't even catch a glimpse of Mike for the rest of the show. Ted found me once he was showered and done for the night. He informed me that everyone was heading out like they usually did. I agreed to accompany him.

It was like a repeat of last week. In order to stop the thoughts invading my mind I turned to the alcohol.

I saw the looks Ted was giving me as I downed another drink, but I ignored the disapproval in his gaze, instead I sent him a smile.

The moment Mike walked into the club, my confidence spiked through the roof.

"Well hello Michael. Can't avoid me now, can you?" I questioned the man as I approached him and stood directly in front of him, blocking him so he couldn't walk away.

"Look, I'll make this short and sweet for you, okay, so you won't have to disrespect the memory of Julianne any more than you already have."

The expression on his face was priceless as he realized that I had overhead his chat with Maryse.

"Alyssa, please don't do this here."

"Shut up, I'm doing the talking here. So Mike, do you have feelings for me at all, or have you just been fucking with my head?"

"Let's talk about this outside," he said, reaching out and taking hold of my elbow.

I ripped my arm out of his grasp quickly, "no, I think we should do this out in the open, in front of all of your friends and co workers," I said.

"Alyssa, c'mon," his hand encircled my wrist and in my drunken state I couldn't put up much of a fight as he pulled me out of the club.

I stumbled after him out into the night, catching myself against the wall, pulling away from him.

"God, you're so drunk, I can smell it."

"You don't complain about it too much when you're just as plastered as I am."

"Alyssa." His voice was stern.

"C'mon Mike, just be honest with me. I've been going crazy for days, trying to feel you out and see if you have any feelings for me. It's really fucking annoying that I can't read you at all." Our eyes met, "could Julianne read you like an open book."

I didn't expect him to answer, but he did.

"Yes."

I swallowed thickly, "you're a prick, a fucking asshole. I'm so fucking stupid. Stupid for fucking falling for you." I turned away from him, covering my face with my hands.

"Alyssa."

"Please don't, don't touch me." I shied away from him as he reached out to me. "I need to go," I slipped back into the club, wishing the ground would split in two and swallow me whole for a bedtime snack.

Ted spotted me immediately and was at my side, placing an arm around me.

"Alyssa, what's wrong?"

"Everything," I whispered as the tears began to fall.

He pulled me into a hug, stroking my hair, "shh, it's okay. Let's get out of here, you can tell me about it once we get out of here," he murmured, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

I just nodded, allowing him to lead me out of the club.

Mike was already gone, but I tried not to think about him at the moment.

Ted led me to his car, opening the door for me, getting me settled inside. He got in the driver's seat, but didn't start the car. Instead he turned to me.

"Alyssa, what happened back there?"

"I realized how stupid I've been. I should've never come on the road with Mike. It was a mistake." I wiped at my eyes, trying to stop the tears.

Ted reached out, catching a tear I had missed with the pad of his thumb.

"If you hadn't come on the road then I wouldn't have met you."

"You probably would've been better off without me." I muttered.

He shook his head, turning his body so he faced me, leaning his shoulder against the back of the seat. He took a deep breath.

"I like you Alyssa. I really, really like you."

And I kissed him.


	12. Comparing Denial

_**Here's another chapter after I ended the last one so abruptly :O **_

_**I hope you all enjoy this chapter, please leave a review, they're much appreciated**_

_**I'm planning on finishing this fic by the end of summer...so, technically we are in the home stretch of the fic, there are less than 10 chapters left. **_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 12- Comparing Denial**_

I'd never woken up in bed with someone else. Which may seem strange, since I have had sex with Mike on several occasions. But he was always careful to be up and out of bed before me. It was easy seeing as I was a heavy sleeper and not exactly a morning person. Never once did he falter in the routine. We didn't wake up in each others arms, smiling groggily at each other. It wasn't a fairytale honeymoon feeling. I woke up and his side of the bed was practically cold, like he had never been there at all. I would get up and get ready for the day, and we wouldn't speak a word about what happened the previous night. We would nurse our hangovers together, but that was all.

So waking up and feeling a warm, solid, strong body pressed against mine was a completely new experience. I found myself wondering what the hell had happened last night to make Mike forgo his usual routine and break his silent rule of quick separation.

I didn't want to ruin the moment though. I didn't open my eyes, just leveled out my breathing and enjoyed the silence and the closeness.

There was barely any movement, and from the slow rise and fall of his chest, I assumed he was still asleep. I wanted badly to look up and take in his peaceful face as he slipped. But I used some of my self control, knowing Mike wasn't as heavy a sleeper as I was and the smallest movement may just wake him up and ruin everything.

Fingers suddenly slid along the side of my face that wasn't pressed into his chest, they brushed my hair back out of my face, lingering in my straight hair, grazing my scalp slightly in a way that made me want to shiver, but I refrained from doing so.

Obviously he was awake, but yet he still wasn't getting up.

Did he always do this? Did he always show this tenderness while I was still asleep and he was just waking up? How could I not feel this every morning? And if he acted like this towards me in the morning did he mean he really did have feelings for me? God, I still didn't have an answer to that question and it bothered me.

His fingers moved, sliding down my neck, along my arm to where my hand lay on his torso. I blinked. He had a six pack; hard, defined abs. My eyebrows furrowed. I'd seen Mike's body many a times, and while he had a beautiful, toned physique, he didn't have a six pack like this.

My breath caught in my throat suddenly.

"Alyssa, you up?"

I lifted my head and turned, my eyes meeting Ted's.

Ted.

My heart thudded in my chest. So loud I was certain Ted could hear, as well as whoever was in the hotel room next door.

He registered the shocked and mortified expression on my face immediately. His hand left mine like it was on fire and he drew himself up on the bed slightly. I sat up and glanced down at myself, blinking.

I couldn't help the sigh that left me when I mentally checked off that all my clothing was still on my body except my shoes.

I looked back up at Ted, guiltily.

He wasn't looking at me, he had his fingers linked and resting over his stomach as he stared out the window.

I pulled my feet closer to me, adjusting them so they were under me slightly. "Ted, I-"

"Nothing happened, I promise. I would never...take advantage of you like that," his voice was hard, and I immediately knew what he had interpreted my reaction as.

He thought I was disgusted by the thought that we may have slept together, that he would have sex with me even though I was so drunk I couldn't remember a thing that happened to me last night.

He could've been lying to me and I wouldn't have known any better. But I believed him. The sincerity and the hurt in his voice made it hard not to believe him.

"I didn't think you would," my response was soft, but sounded so loud in the silence of the room.

He turned his face back to me, our eyes locking. "I would want it to be special, not some drunken one night stand." I don't know why he said, and I don't think he knew why either. But the words were out there then and he looked slightly surprised and embarrassed by his moment of honesty. "Just...so you know," he murmured, looking away.

Something about that slip of the tongue was so endearing and reassuring that it made my heart melt. I smiled to myself as we both glanced away from each other.

"You um...I just helped you back to the hotel, you didn't remember what room you were in, so I just brought you here. That's all that happened," he said after a few moments of silence.

I nodded, "thank you for...taking care of me. God," I rubbed my temple, now that I was no longer preoccupied with waking up next to a warm body or Ted being sweet, it felt like a building had collapsed on my head.

I caught Ted's smirk as he slid out of bed. "Feeling it now?" he asked.

"Yeah, I certainly am," I muttered, watching him as he walked over to the mini fridge and pulled a bottle of water out of it.

"Drink," he ordered as he handed me the water bottle after twisting the cap off. Then he walked over to his suitcase as I took a long drink of the water. He returned with a small pill bottle and out of it he produced Advil which he handed out to me.

I took the pills, swallowing them down with water before giving him a hoarse, "thank you."

He smoothed my hair back as he sat down on the bed next to me, "any time."

We were silent for a long while, just sitting together comfortably. Not speaking a word as I greedily drank down the water bottle. When it was empty I handed it to him and he placed it on the bedside table before turning his body toward me and locking his eyes with mine.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked.

I tucked some of my hair behind my ear and nodded, "sure."

He opened his mouth, but stopped short, no sound coming out. He glanced away, running a hand through his short hair. He sighed.

"Is there anything going on between you and Mike?" The question came out rushed, but I caught his words quickly.

My instincts kicked in immediately, telling me to deny it. Deny.

"What?" I forced myself to sound incredulous, but thought I didn't sound too convincing as I continued, "Mike and I?" I scoffed, "no, definitely not."

Ted just looked at me for a long time, staring right at me, into my eyes. I silently prayed that he wouldn't call me out on it.

He nodded finally, sliding his palms down his thighs as he sighed. It was a sign that he was nervous, or uncomfortable.

"Can I ask you something else?" He asked.

I shrugged, "why not?"

One side of his mouth lifted. "Have you talked to your dad recently?"  
"You mean Marty?"

He rolled his eyes as he gave me a look, "yes, you're _father_," he emphasized the word.

"Right," I mumbled. "I called him the other day to check in."

"No, I mean really talk. About what happened."

"And what instance would that be? When he and my mom lied to me about who my father was my whole life? The fact that my mother died and then my sister did as well three months later? Or,"

"Hey," Ted reached out, his palm sliding up to cup my cheek, drawing my eyes to him. "Not trying to be rude, or upset you. I was just asking..."

"And?" I knew he wanted to say more.

"I don't understand how you wouldn't be happy that he's your father. You were already close to him before, I don't see how it's any different."

"It's different because he's not my uncle anymore, he's my dad. It changes everything."

"Does it really?"

"Ye-" I went to say 'yes' but I stopped short, thinking it over. Did it really change _everything _that Marty was my biological father. It was a change of title, but he'd always been a major figure in my life. He'd been a father figure, without me even knowing he was my father.

"No," I answered softly.

Ted's gaze softened on me and he dropped his hand to mine, squeezing my fingers in his.

"What should I do Ted?" I asked softly.

"Talk it out with him. You really need to. You can't just leave your relationship hanging and acting like things aren't different. They are, but not in a bad way. Right?"

"Right." I nodded, "thank you Ted, for everything."

He smiled at me, a cute, lopsided smile. "You don't need to thank me Alyssa, never."

His eyes held mine for a moment longer before I broke the connection, standing up. "I need to go back to my room and change and take a shower." I moved toward the door, sliding my feet into my wedges which I had worn the night before. Ted followed me over.

"Get some rest, best way to get over your hangover is to sleep and not do too much today. All right?"

"Okay." I answered as I picked up my purse which he had left near my shows by the door.

He stopped me, taking my arm gently. "Promise me you'll take it easy. And if you need anything, call me. Promise?"

He studied me as I studied him. I nodded, "promise," I whispered.

He seemed to relax and he smiled widely at me. "Okay, I'll see you around. No workout tomorrow, you can have the day off."

I smirked, "you don't have to go easy on me because I have a hangover."

"Who said I'm doing that?" He opened the door and held it open for me.

I rolled my eyes, "bye Ted," I said as I quickly rose up on my tip toes and kissed his cheek before leaving his room. I heard the door close behind me after a few suspended seconds, and only then did I let the breath rush out of my lungs.

I searched around in my purse and finally found my key card. Now that I was mostly sober I could remember my room number and I found it with ease. I unlocked the door and stepped inside, toeing off my shoes and setting my bag down. I was so focused on taking off my shoes and such that I didn't even notice the other person in the hotel room.

"You're okay," Mike breathed and suddenly his arms were around me.

I blinked in shock, my body stiffening.

"Yes...am I not supposed to be?" I arched an eyebrow.

He pulled back, separating himself from me, "no, it's just that, you never came back tot he room. I was worried. I called your cell but I got your voice mail each time." He actually looked worried. "After last night, I..."

My eyebrows furrowed. "After what last night?"

He blinked, totally shocked, "y-you don't remember?"

I shook my head, "I was so drunk, I don't remember much of anything." Well, that was a lie. I vaguely remember Mike and I contesting in a yelling match. I don't remember what about, or who won. I didn't really feel like finding out the details either. I was willing to let it go.

"We fought...about.."

I held my hand up to stop him, "forget it, I don't really want to know."

After an awkward moment of silence he asked, "where were you all night?"

"I slept with Ted," I answered automatically, not realizing how my answer sounded until after it was already spoken.

Mike's eyes were wide as saucers as he sputtered, "what?"

I held my hands up, my own eyes wide, "uh, that came out wrong. We slept, but not like that. I was...Ted let me stay in his room. But nothing sexual happened." Not that it mattered, why should Mike care what I did with Ted, whether it be sexual or nonsexual. But I really didn't want Mike to think I was a promiscuous whore.

He only looked slightly relieved, but he didn't comment. There was really nothing to be said.

What really bugged me, was that even though I didn't remember what we fought about, or who started it, or who was at fault, he never once tried to apologize. That irked me, it made me look at him in an unflattering light. He wasn't the type to apologize, even if he was in the wrong.

Ted wouldn't hesitate to apologize if he felt he was the guilty party, or even to just smooth over feelings.

My eyebrows furrowed, why had I compared Mike to Ted?

I shook my head slightly.

"You okay?" Mike asked.

"Just a hangover, I'll survive."


	13. Craving Nostalgia

_**Hello my darling readers :) Here's another chappy for you guys...and it's really, REALLY long**_

_**Thank you to **KiwiStar, Sonib89, ArokLynee, DeathDaisy, xDarlingNikki, and RatedrKjErIcHo **for reviewing the last chapter. We've got seven more chapters until this fic is done! I'd like to reach 100 reviews by then, but that's up to you guys, eh? **_

_**Anywho, some songs that kinda inspired and helped me write this chapter were Homecoming by Green Day and Hurt by Christina Aguilera**_

_**Again, I only own Alyssa, Julianne and their mother, Giselle. Other than that, I do not own anything, but the idea for this fic :) **_

_**read, review & enjoy**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 13- Craving Nostalgia**_

For several days after the night I spent in Ted's room Mike was distant and removed. When I asked him what was wrong he would reply with 'nothing.' We both knew that was a lie, but I lacked the courage to confront him and demand the truth, and he seemed content to keep me in the dark about whatever he was so focused on.

Nothing changed between Ted and I. If anything, I was coming closer to labeling him as my best friend. Ted was comforting, and drama-free, and he was honest with me. He told me his opinions, how he felt, whether I agreed with them or not. Sure we disagreed, but we were never tip-toeing around each other. I never felt guilty about talking with Ted about Julianne. It felt natural, two friends grieving over a mutual loss. Both trying to move on.

When I spoke with Mike about Julianne, it felt like I was trying to move us forward, but his feet were stuck in the mud, refusing to budge even an inch. He wasn't ready to leave that place.

But when he looked at me with those blue eyes, and alcohol was taking control of my better judgment, I couldn't quite say no to Mike. Even if he had been ignoring me for days, or he had snapped at me for mentioning Julianne or he was pissed that I was spending so much time with Ted, when he approached me with only one thing on his mind, I immediately bent to his will.

Obviously, things went back to normal between Mike and I. Eventually we forgot about the night I stayed with Ted, and I ignored Mike's rude and frank attitude, and we continued on with this affair that we both knew was wrong. I don't know if I just didn't care, or if I was so convinced that what I felt for Mike was love, but I was blind and naïve and stupid.

That's when things started to get complicated.

Ted—sweet, gentle, amazing Ted—was being his perfect and attractive self. Suddenly I found my heart speeding up every time his hand brushed my arm while we were working out, my throat went dry when he would lean over me as I sat reading in catering and I could feel his breath ghost along the back of my neck, my cheeks would blush every time he gave me a compliment while training.

God, I had a huge crush on Ted.

I don't even know if crush is the right word. I'd had crushes before, but none of them had ever felt like this. So raw and fiery. My stomach wasn't in butterflies, it was in knots, and my lips were always dry and my mind was plagued by thoughts like _what if I woke up to Ted every morning? _

But Ted was my friend, the one person I could trust on the road, who would be honest with me and not try to spare my feelings because he was sleeping with me. I couldn't talk to Mike about things, couldn't talk to him about Marty, or Julianne, or our situation. Well, I didn't talk to Ted about my situation with Mike either, but, still. I could talk more openly with Ted than I could with Mike.

I didn't want to ruin that with feelings. Our friendship was good, healthy, it kept me sane most of the time. I didn't want to lose that, because what if he didn't feel the same way back?

I sighed heavily. I needed to get away, I need time to think. There were a lot of things I needed to do.

Like get a job, for instance, I don't know how the bills are being paid at home.

I rubbed my temples as I sat with my back against the headboard.

Mike stuck his head out of the bathroom doorway, "you alright?"

I tugged the sheet up covertly, trying to cover myself up as I smiled at him reassuringly, "yeah, just a headache."

He nodded then disappeared back into the bathroom.

I know, I'm stupid for going back to him, for falling back into our old routine.

I don't know why I even went back to him anyways.

But we were us again. Back to getting drunk, sleeping together, and then waking up without Mike in bed next to me.

I couldn't help but remember waking up to Ted after he took care of me that one night. It made my heart swell to think about how gentle and sweet he was.

Fuck my life.

I made a decision.

"Mike," I called.

He stepped back out into the bedroom, "yeah?"

"I'm going home for the week," and with that I slid from the bed, pulling my clothes on as I went, stopping in front of my suitcase.

Mike was silent, and shocked, I think.

I brushed past him, into the bathroom, plucking my things off the counter and bringing them back to my suitcase. I zipped the case shut and retried my leather jacket from the back of the office chair. "I'll...call you, later."

"How are you going to get to the airport?" He was trying to find a way to discourage me and stop me from leaving, I could tell.

"I'll catch a cab or something."

"I cou-"

I cut him off with a wave of my hand, "you have a signing to be at. Don't worry about me," I opened the door, "it's not like you normally do anyway." And with that I left.

Once I was in the hallway, I felt a little stupid. I didn't even have the number for a cab company, didn't even know the name of the nearest airport.

"Fuck," I cursed loudly, thinking I was alone in the hallway.

"Whoa hey there girly," a voice said.

I turned around, feeling my cheeks burn, "I-I thought I was alone."

"Apparently not," his smile was good-matured, "it's okay, I won't tell anyone," he whispered jokingly.

"Thanks," I laughed slightly, I bit my lip as my laughter died. "I feel really bad right now, I know you're Zack Ryder, but I have no clue what your real name is." I scratched the back of my neck, trying to drown out my embarrassment.

He laughed, that bright smile still on his face, "it's cool. I'm Matt," he extended his hand.

"Matt, that's easy enough," I replied while shaking his hand.

"So, what has you cursing out in the halls this early in the morning?" he asked.

"I-I'm flying home, but I don't have a rental, and I don't have the number for a cab company, so I'm trying to think of how I'm going to get tot he airport."

"I can take you."

My eyebrows jumped, and I blinked at him, "really?" Then my senses took over, "no, that's okay, really. I'll find some way to get there."

"No, seriously, I'll take you. Your good friends with Ted, right?"

I nodded, confused, "yeah."

"Any friend of Ted's is a friend of mine."

"You don't even know my name."

"Details," he said as he started walking toward the elevator. With a surprised, but pleasant smile, I followed after him.

/

Matt made the car ride pass by quickly, what with his humor and infectious jovial personality. I found my cheeks hurting from smiling so much and my sides in pain from laughing so hard.

"Well," he said as he pulled the car up to the curb in front of the airport, "I guess I'll talk to you when you return to us," he said.

I grinned, "yes you will." I opened the door but stopped and looked back at him, "if you run into Ted, can you tell him I decided to go home and see my father for a bit?" I asked.

"Yeah, I can do that."

I smiled, "thank you. For that and for driving me here, I don't know what I wouldn't done to get here."

"Hopefully nothing too drastic," he joked.

I chuckled, "but seriously, thank you."

"Any time."

"Alright, bye Matt," I got out of the car and shut the door.

"Hey wait," he called as he rolled down the passenger window.

"Yeah," I ducked down into the window.

"Your name?"

I smirked, "maybe next time."

He laughed as I walked around to the trunk and got out my suitcase. I waved to him before I walked through the sliding doors into the airport.

/

I had mixed emotions about returning to my mother's home, and Marty—my father—seemed to notice that as he followed me slowly through the front door, choosing not to speak.

I set my purse down, and rolled my suitcase against the wall as I looked around the empty home. It was obvious it hadn't been lived in for a while, a light coat of dust covered most surfaces, there was a stack of unopened envelopes on the kitchen counter, a vase of dead roses on the coffee table, the card still among the withered leaves.

"If I had known you were coming back I would've stocked the refrigerator or something," Marty said and I turned to look at him as he rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly.

He sighed when I didn't respond and instead turned my head away.

"Well, I leave you to do...whatever you came back here for. If you need anything, you know my number." He turned to leave, turning the door handle. He paused, "and if you have any questions, just ask me. I'm not afraid of answering them, I-" his voice cracked, "I want to go back to the way we were, when you trusted me, when you let me be a part of your family."

I sucked in a breath slowly, realizing how much I'd missed having Marty around. He'd been a part of my life since I was born, and I couldn't let that go. But there were so many secrets and cover ups, it hurt to think about the fact that my own mother had been lying to me my whole life.

"Were you two ever going to tell me?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper..

He sighed, "I-I don't know. I suggested telling you on your eighteenth birthday. But when that came around, your mother had already been diagnosed and she came up with every excuse she could think of not to tell you," he chuckled humorlessly. "I don't think she didn't want you to know, I think she just didn't want to admit it. She was embarrassed that she and I had..." he trailed off.

I bit my lip, so I was an embarrassment, a regret.

"She was embarrassed at what she and I had done. But she never regretted you Alyssa."

He was suddenly in front of me, his hands on my shoulders. "I wanted to tell you every time you did something that reminded me of myself. I truly did, I didn't want to keep it from you."

"Did she threaten to take me away if you told me?" I asked.

He inhaled deeply before letting it out in a long sigh, "she did."

I bit the inside of my lip so hard I could taste the blood as I broke skin.

"I love you Alyssa, and I am so proud to call you my daughter, I am so proud of the woman you have grown up to be."

The tears burned my eyes. "I could've used a father back then."

He wrapped his arms around me, "I know," he whispered into my hair, kissing the top of my head.

I let out a breath, it wasn't the first time Marty had held me while I cried. When I broke my arm when I was seven after I fell off my bike, Marty held me, rubbed my back soothingly, trying to make me laugh to distract me from the pain and the state of my arm.

He held me the day my mother first received her diagnosis, years before she died. Julianne had disappeared after mom told us. Julianne hated to cry in front of anyone. She was hellbent on being the rock of our family from that moment onward. She didn't let any of us see her cry, or see her sad. She was always in control for my sake. But due to the lack of emotion from her, I didn't like to cry in front of her either. So my Uncle Marty was there for me.

The night I found out Julianne died, Marty was there and he held me, cradled me like a small child.

"I-I know you probably won't like it, but..." I trailed off, now that the words had started, I wasn't sure if I wanted to finish. But I had his attention now, "I've been training."

He was silent, but I didn't pull back to look at his expression.

"To, to be a wrestler."

He chuckled softly, "just like your mother."

I pulled back then, my eyebrows furrowed, "what?"

"Your grandpa didn't want your mom wrestling either. But she did it anyways. He was worried she'd meet some no-good punk kid wrestler and get pregnant, and he didn't want her to do that either. She did that anyways too."

"Is that why he was never around?"

"Partially, he, he died when you were little, six or so."

"How?" I shouldn't have asked, I had already guessed the answer.

"Cancer."

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Do you think I'll get it too?" I asked.

"I pray every night that you won't."

I felt my chest tighten at his words and tears fell once more.

After a long while he sighed, "so, a wrestler, huh?"

"Yeah," I smiled softly and he nodded.

"Who's been training you?"

"Ted DiBiase."

"Senior?" He sounded shocked.

I bit my lip, "no, Junior."

"He's a good kid."

"Yeah, he is."

He smiled at me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as we walked into the kitchen, "let's order in a pizza."

"That's a fantastic idea."

/

As I walked up the path that wound it's way through the cemetery to where my sister and mother's grave lay, I sighed heavily, thinking about the last time I was there.

It was the day Mike had asked me to go on the road with him.

I had a lot to think about, a lot to decide.

I placed the roses on my mother's grave, and the carnations on Julianne's before I sat myself beneath the willow.

I blew out a breath. I didn't know where to begin.

"You should probably hate me Julianne, for everything I've done." I paused, feeling kind of stupid for talking to nothing, really. I closed my eyes, imagining I was sitting with Julianne in the coffee shop where I last saw her. "I slept with Mike...a coup—no, several times. I know, that makes me a terrible sister, seeing as he was your one and only." I sighed, my eyes opening and sliding sideways, away from her grave.

"I-I don't love him. Not like you did. For a while I thought it wasn't lust, that I really did have feelings for him. But now, I just...don't know. I wish you were here, if you were still here, Mike and I would never have happened. He'd be with you, you guys would probably be engaged or married by now. I would...be doing something, I don't know what. Well, you would've made me go back to school," I smiled slightly, "you always had bigger dreams for me than I did for myself."

I leaned forward, burying my face in my hands. Julianne had been the best sister I could've asked for. Sure, we didn't always get along, sure I sometimes felt like she was the favorite. But she'd never, ever done anything to hurt me, or betray me. She took care of everyone else before she took care of herself. It's why she didn't tell anyone she was sick. She didn't want people worrying over her and waiting on her. She wasn't like that.

She'd always been there to protect me, maybe not to comfort me, but she made sure I was safe, made sure I wasn't in situations were I would get hurt and need subsequent comforting. She wasn't the greatest with emotions, or words, but she was the perfect sister for me.

And how had I repaid her? By sleeping with her soul mate, the man that she loved more than anything else in the world.

It was a terrible thing, what I'd done.

I felt the tears prick my eyes, and slowly make their way past my lids, sliding ever so slowly down my cheeks, dripping onto my jeans.

"I'm gonna figure things out Jules. If he doesn't love me, I promise I'll stop." I stood shakily and left.

I was able to control my tears during the drive home, as the sky darkened and the sun fell. But the minute I slid beneath the sheets of my bed, the tears began like heavy rainfall.

I curled onto my side, staring into my wall as I cried. I needed someone to talk to, desperately. Despite my new found understanding and patched up relationship with Marty, my father, I didn't want him to comfort me.

My hand reached out and fumbled across my nightstand until my fingers closed around my cell phone. I pulled my hand back, unlocking my phone and opening up my contacts.

I held the phone under my ear as I still lay on my side, trying to stop my tears, but they didn't listen to my pleas.

"Alyssa? Thank god, I was worried when you hadn't called me yet," he cut off suddenly as my sobs reached his ears. "Lyssa, what's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong, Ted. I don't know what to do, I don't know," I was feeling a little hysterical now, tears were falling without any indication of stopping or even slowing down, I was shaking, my chest was rattling, my lungs felt constricted and my temple pounded. "I've fucked up everything, I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't even h-have any plans for my future, I don't even have a job. I can't expect my father to take care of me, I'm almost 22 years old. I, Julianne would hate what I've become." That was the part that stung. It was true. Julianne wouldn't be proud of me.

I continued to ramble on and on, something I did normally when I was upset. Ted just listened and murmured comforting words through the line.

He was being that Ted that could easily fall in love with, the one who was sweet and gentle, and so incredibly attractive. I trusted him completely and it made me want to spill out the truth to him.

"Ted I-" I stopped. Ted I what? Ted I lied to you when I said there was nothing going on between Mike and I. Ted I like you so much more than you probably think, but I haven't said anything because you're my only friend. Ted I am not the woman you think I am.

I couldn't say any of that, because if I did, I would lose him. And I couldn't lose him. Never.

"Alyssa, shhh," his voice was soft, a caress.

I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath.

"Sure, Julianne may not...agree with what you're doing right now. But I know one thing," he said.

"What's that?" I asked with a sniff.

"She'd love you no matter what you're doing."

I squeezed my eyes shut as more tears fell.

"Nothing could ever make her hate you."

I sobbed again, choking on the tears. He let me cry, loudly, for several more minutes. Slowly, very slowly, the tears subsided.

"Ted," I whispered, my voice tiny and fragile.

"Yeah."

"W-will you stay on the line till I fall asleep."

I could hear the small smile in the warm tone of his voice, "of course."

"I really miss her," I whispered into the phone.

"I know."

"C-can you tell me about...about the day, when she died? Tell me what you were feeling."

He hesitated, and in that heartbeat of a moment where I heard his breath hitch, I realized I wasn't the only person missing Julianne tonight.

Then, he began to talk, and he took me back to that night.

"It was the night after Wrestlemania, and Shawn had just finished addressing the fans for the last time. He'd walked backstage, and Julianne congratulated him and then they decided that the three of them—Julianne, Shawn and Mike, they were gonna go to dinner after Shawn was done saying his goodbyes. I had been standing in the gorilla, talking with Beth and Jillian when it happened," he paused, clearing his throat.

"I'd looked up and Julianne was smiling, walking with Mike and then when I looked back again, she was on the ground. I-I didn't know what was going on, there was so much noise, like everyone was talking and moving at once. My heart stopped and then Jillian started crying and I wrapped my arms around her, trying to hold her together. I thought I was going to lose it for a minute. I didn't understand what was going on. Shawn was yelling for someone to call an ambulance and I pulled out my cell and started dialing. Then the room seemed to freeze in place, and no moved or breathe," Ted's throat closed up, and I heard him inhale sharply.

My heart constricted listening to his take on that night.

"I—I could see she wasn't breathing, Lyssa. I knew it even as I told the operator that I didn't know if she was alive or not. I could just feel it, I could feel she wasn't there any more."

A tear slipped from the corner of my eye as his voice cracked.

"At the hospital, after..." he paused, "after, I thought, I thought Mike was going to do something drastic. I'd never seen him so...so lost, and so broken. Nothing anyone did could comfort him. Shawn was just as shaken up."

"What about you?" I asked.

I heard a shuffling and he coughed slightly, "I cried enough to keep a city hydrated during a drought." He took a breath, "Alyssa."

"Hmm?"

"She'd want you to be happy. She'd want all of us to move on."

"Is that why you don't talk about her dying?" Now that I was done crying, I felt exhausted.

He didn't reply right away, "I don't like to relive that night."

"But you just did, for me." My words were slurred a bit and my eyes slid shut.

"For you," he sighed, "for you I would."

"Thank you," I murmured.

"Anything for you sweetheart."

And I fell asleep.

/

I rolled over, away from the sunlight that was streaming in through my window, but in the process I rolled onto something square and hard that was now pressed up against my cheek.

With a grown, I lifted myself up onto my elbows and looked down.

I had rolled over onto my phone. My eyebrows pushed together, how did my phone get on my bed?

Then I remembered my phone call to Ted, and recognized the weary painful throb of my eyes that was the after effect of bawling my eyes out.

I sighed heavily, flopping down onto my back and staring at the ceiling.

Suddenly the ringing of my phone began to blast through the room, extremely close to my ear.

I shot up quickly, snatching the phone off my sheets and answering it.

"Hello?"

"Open your door, I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes."

"Ted?" My eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah."

I leaned over, to look at the time on the clock, it was near eleven in the morning. God I had slept a long time.

"How'd you get here so quickly?" I asked as I got out of bed and began walking out of the room.

"I caught the first flight out, it was at like six in the morning."

I pulled the front door open and hung up the phone as I raised an eyebrow at the man standing before me.

"Why are you here?" I asked, sounding confused.

He feigned a hurt expression, "oh I'm hurt, it sounds like you don't want me here."

"No I do, I'm just...shocked," I said.

I watched his expression as it softened and he gave me a crooked smile, "I was worried." His eyes left my face and traveled down my body. It was then I remembered I was in a tight tank top and tiny shorts.

My cheeks burned suddenly in embarrassment, "umm...let me go get changed and then I'll make breakfast or something." I said quickly.

He stepped inside and held up a bag, "beat you to it."

I blinked and then smiled, "alright, then I'll just go get changed."

I slipped back into my room, trying to calm my blush to no avail. I pulled on a hoodie over my tank top and switched out my shorts for a pair of pajama pants.

I walked out into the kitchen to see Ted rummaging through cupboards.

He turned when he heard me approach, "you have no coffee. How can we have breakfast, with no coffee?"

"There's a Starbucks like three minutes away from here."

He opened the refrigerator, "you need to go grocery shopping," he commented as he closed it shut.

I pointing to the list on the front of the appliance, "yeah, it's on my list of things to do."

He moved the magnet that was holding the list to the door of the refrigerator. "Well, we can get most of this stuff done today. He glanced up at me, smiling.

I blinked in surprise, "it's fine, I can just wait till you leave. Oh, that's what I wanted to ask you, how long are you staying?"

"As long as you need me to, I'm not needed at the Smackdown taping this week. They apparently have no use for me right now."

"Oh."

"Don't sound so excited to have me around," he joked as he walked over to the plastic bag he had carried into the house. He pulled out a box of doughnuts.

He placed my to-do list down on the counter top as well, "let's see, after breakfast we can do grocery shopping." He moved onto the next line, "I don't know if we'll be able to find you a job today, but we can work on that later."

I bit my lip as he moved onto the next thing.

"Pack up house..." he trailed off before looking up at me, "you're moving?"

"I can't live here."

He nodded once, "that's understandable, well, I can help you with that as well."

"You really don't have to. We can just hang out, or something."

"I think the last thing you need is time to bum around and leave yourself to your thoughts."

I stared at him, was I that easy to read, or could he just read my mind.

He smirked at my expression, "we've been hanging around each other for eight months now Alyssa, I can read your mind," he tapped my temple softly before opening the box of doughnuts and handing me a sugar one.

"How'd you know sugar doughnuts are my favorite?" I asked.

He grinned, "like I said, I can read your mind."

/

Ted did take me grocery shopping and the house was stocked with food once more. Then we picked up several dozens of boxes for packing up the house.

When we returned to the house I set to making coffee, now that I had the means to, while Ted began to put the groceries away.

It was such a domestic thing to do, and I found myself shocked by how easily Ted and I were falling into a routine. As he shuffled around the kitchen with cans and such, and I stepped to go to the sink, we danced around each other effortlessly, guessing each others movements, not bumping into each other awkwardly.

While the coffee was brewing I helped him finish putting the groceries away before retrieving two mugs for us to use.

I made his coffee for him as he sat down on one of the bar stools, crossing out the first line on my to-do list.

I sat down awkwardly, handing him his mug. I watched anxiously as he blew on it. He sipped it slowly as I stared. He glanced up at me, his lips still on the rim of the mug, and raised his eyebrow.

"I just want to make sure I made it right," I said, clenching my teeth together, pulling a worried expression.

He swallowed and pulled the mug bag before smiling at me, "it's perfect."

I let out a relieved sigh and he chuckled, "were you really that worried about it?"

I shrugged, feeling embarrassed, I muttered a "yeah."

He placed his arm around me shoulders, pulling me closer and almost off of my bar stool, I clutched his side, trying to keep myself balance in my seat.

"Well, thank you," he said before we both laughed.

I removed his arm from my shoulder and returned to my comfortable sitting position.

"So, you want to move. Where to?" he asked.

I shrugged, "I don't really know. I just know that I can't stay here, I haven' come back from traveling with you guys because I hate being here alone."

"Hasn't Marty been here?"

"Yeah, but he has his own wife and family, he can't be here 24/7."

"You're just lonely."

I bit my lip and nodded, "yeah, and this house just remind me of mom and Julianne. I..It makes me depressed."

I glanced up at him and his eyes locked with mine. There was an understanding there.

He looked away and then nodded, "do you want to stay in the area...or..." he trailed off.

I shrugged, "I-I don't really know, I didn't think past the thought 'I have to move out of here.''" I answered honestly.

He nodded again before taking a sip of coffee, reminding me I held my own mug between my hands. I took a long swig of the coffee and swallowed, staring out the window.

"I think I'd like to stay here, to be close to Julianne and my Mom. Just not in this house."

He nodded, "yeah, I know what you mean."

We were silent then, but it was comfortable, as we enjoyed the coffee and the company of each other.

After a while, he spoke, "you said Marty was here, have you..worked things out with him?"

I smiled softly and looked at Ted, "we did actually."

He beamed at me, "that's great!" he cleared his throat and calmed his enthusiasm, "that's really good, Lyssa."

I nodded, returning my eyes to the window, "I told him you've been training me. He said, and I quote, 'you're a good kid.'" I did my best impression of my dad's voice.

Ted laughed, "well, it's good to know he likes me."

"And why is that?" I asked, turning to look at him.

He stared at me, with a look in hi eyes that I couldn't quite name, his lips were slightly parted as he looked at me, but didn't say anything. After a moment, his eyes left mine and he shook his head slightly, chuckling, "just because it's good."

I didn't quite understand his answer, but I didn't push it. Instead I suggested we start packing, and that's what we did.

We spent the rest of the day packing up the study, the living room and my mom's room. Leaving the kitchen, my room and Julianne's room.

The sun was setting, casting a dim lighting throuhout the house. Ted stood next to me, staring at my face, studying me, as I stared a hole into the door that led to Julianne's room.

I looked up at him, my heart was beating erratically, "I don't know if I can go in there. Th-the last time I was in there...I..." I didn't finish I just shook my head.

His hand slid into mine, intertwining our fingers, and it was like I could feel his strength and support seep into me through the small contact. I looked down at our hand and then back up at him.

"You can do it Lyssa. I'm right here to help you, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered, the word strained as I reached out and turned the door knob. I pushed the door open slowly and reached over, flicking on the light switch.

The room was the same as it had been when I was last inside. Just the one picture frame, the one I had held as I cried last time, was left on the floor. I walked over and picked it up, wiping off the dust from the glass before setting it down on the nightstand.

Ted had followed me inside, but stayed silent, just watching me.

I took in a shuddering breath and looked around the room.

"My mom was diagnosed three months before I turned eighteen. Julianne was in college and my mom told her over the phone. Julianne wanted to drop out immediately to come home and take care of mom. I remember listening, shocked, as my mom yelled at Julianne over the phone, threatening her, telling her she'd better stay in school or she'd pull her shotgun on her," I chuckled softly, "Julianne finished out the semester before she came home. My mom had started her first round of chemo a couple days before Julianne got home, and when Jules saw her, I saw fear in her eyes. I'd never seen Julianne scared before, she wasn't afraid of anything. But she had one fear," I felt the tears threaten to fall and I wiped at my right eyes with the hell of my hand.

After a moment, I turned and looked at Ted, "it's the same fear I have."

He stepped closer to me, holding out his arms, which I willingly stepped into.

He didn't ask what the fear was, but I told him anyways.

"I'm afraid of cancer killing me too."

He buried his face into my hair as I leaned my forehead against his shoulder. I didn't cry, but I let him hold me. It felt right, and I felt safe in his strong arms.

"I can't promise you it won't happen," he whispered in my ear, his breath ghosting along my neck, making me shiver, "but I can promise that if anything ever happens, if you ever need me, I will be here. I meant what I said when I first met you. I'm here when you need me, and I plan to be here for a long, long time."

I pulled back slightly and looked up at him, really looked at him. Reading the honesty in the lines of his face, seeing the concern in his eyes, feeling the support and protection of his arms around me.

I don't know if it was all those things, or the way the light of the setting sun through the window made his eyes seems bluer than ever, but I rose up onto my toes and pressed my lips to his. It was an innocent, brief touch. I pulled back and then leaned my head against his chest, my ear over his beating heart and closed my eyes, savoring the moment.

/

"So, we'll work on house hunting some other time," Ted said as he rolled his suitcase behind him as we headed for the door.

I nodded, rolling my own suitcase behind me, "sounds like a plan, Stan," I grinned.

"You must have me confused with some other guy," he joked and we both laughed, he held the door open for me. I waked behind my mother's car, popping the trunk as Ted joined me and he lifted our cases, placing them inside.

The past week had been, for lack of a sufficient word, amazing. I was so glad Ted had decided to show up. I wouldn't have been able to pack up my mother's house without his help. Marty had even stopped by a couple of the days to help Ted and I out.

Seeing my father and Ted get along so well made a satisfied and content smile curl my lips.

After telling my father about my plans of moving he had offered me a room at his house, but I'd quickly refused, stating that I didn't want to impose on him or his family. He assured me it wouldn't be imposing, but I refused again. I wanted my own place, my own responsibility. Marty had nodded in understanding and let it go.

I'd applied at several places, looking for a job, and now it was all a part of the waiting game. Since the house was packed, and I hadn't started looking for a new place to live, it was easy for Ted to convince me to come back on the road until I actually got a job. So that's what I was doing for the time being.

Having a friend to fly with was much funner than flying by yourself and time passed quickly as Ted and I talked about whatever we wanted. I fell asleep on the plane and woke up with my head on Ted's shoulder, his arm around me, and his head resting atop mine, asleep as well.

The woman in he window sleep caught my eye and grinned at me, assuming Ted and I were a couple.

I didn't have the heart to correct her, so instead I just smiled back before closing my eyes and falling back to sleep.

/

When we arrived at the arena for RAW, Ted and I were both laughing at some joke he had made. Finally, when our laughter died I looked up at Ted.

"I'm gonna go find Mike, let him know I'm back. I'll meet you in catering?"

He grinned, "yeah, of course," before we headed our separate ways.

I found the locker room and knocked on the door, Matt opened the door, his big beaming smile on his face.

"Hey oh nameless one." He greeted and I smiled back at him.

"Hey Matt."

"Glad to see you're back. How was your little trip?" He asked.

"Good, I got a lot of thinking done," I said.

He nodded.

"I'm actually looking for Mike, is he here?"

He nodded and then called over his shoulder, "hey Mike, there's this hot chick here for you."

Mike appeared, eyebrows furrowed, "what are you talking about man?" He asked as he finished taping up his wrist. When he looked up he saw me and a smile reached his lips.

"Alyssa," he said, looking relieved and happy to see me.

Matt looked at me, "so that's your name!"

I laughed, "yeah, Alyssa Jeanetty," I don't know why I used my father's last name, it had just kinda fell out.

"Jeanetty? Like, Marty Jeanetty?" Matt asked, looking shocked and confused.

"Yeah, he's my dad."

"Wow, you get cooler and cooler each time we talk," he said.

Mike pushed his chest, "she's here to talk to me, man."

Matt held up his hands innocenty and stepped away, "whatever man," he looked at me and winked, "bye Miss Jeanetty."

I chuckled as Mike stepped out into the hall, closing the locker room door behind him.

He looked up at me, "so you're calling Marty your father now?"

I let out a relieved breath, "yeah, we, we got to talk. It was really good. Things are good now."

"That's good," he replied, "so...tonight? You gonna come out with me and the guys?"

I blinked.

I realized nothing had changed.

It was time for me to put that decision into action.

"Yeah, I've missed going out with you and the guys." I forced the smile to my lips.

I was going to figure this out, I was going to find out if he really had feelings for me or not.


	14. Confessing Exploitation

_**Well, one of my reviewers really hit the nail on the head. But I'm not gonna say who ;p cause I'm evil like that.**_

_**Anyways. Thank you to **xDarlingNikki, Sonib89, RatedrKjErIcHo, DeathDaisy, Miz Kaitlyn **and **KiwiStar **for the reviews. They make me smile :) I love to hear what you guys like, don't like, hate, love, etc...So, lay it on me! **_

_**Read, review and enjoy, as always.**_

_**Xoxoxo**_

_**Angel **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 14- Confessing Exploitation**_

"Alyssa, I really like you. As, as much more than a friend."

Those words were not the ones I had been expecting when Ted pulled me aside before I could enter the catering area, murmuring that he had something he needed to tell me.

I hadn't been expecting him to pull me into his arms and kiss me, full on the mouth, with an intensity that shook me and a tenderness that melted me.

I hadn't been expecting him to pull away so quickly and then speak.

Now, after all this shock and unexpectedness I just stared at him, mouth hanging open, completely lost.

He studied my face, waiting for some kind of response for me. A response that I couldn't formulate so soon after a mind-blowing kiss.

Kissing Mike had never felt like that.

Well, I'd only ever kissed Mike as a precursor to sex.

Ted didn't look like he was trying to rush me back to his hotel room.

No, he looked crushed.

Fuck. That's my fault.

He ran a hand over his face, through his hair, sighing in defeat, his shoulders sagging, all the confidence and hope and adrenaline now gone from his system.

"I-I shouldn't have said anything. I should've waited. I just thought, that, that after the last week. I had assumed..." he trailed off as he realized I still wasn't saying anything, I was still just staring.

He dropped his hand to his side, "that big of a shocker, huh," the hurt that crossed his face then was unbearable and it snapped me into action immediately as my heart constricted painfully in my chest. I didn't want him to hate me, I didn't want him to be hurt.

"Ted, give me a second. You—You can't just spring that on a girl," I said, sounding out of breath, like I'd been running a marathon. I searched his face now as it turned neutral. He didn't look relieved, but he didn't look sad any more either. I didn't want that defeated frown to fall upon his lips again.

So how was I going to explain this to him.

Yes, it was true I had feelings for Ted that were a lot more than friendly, especially after our time in Arizona together. Those days, those moments had been incredible. The way he treated me, the way he talked to me, it was like I was his equal. But not only that, it was like I was one of a kind to him, precious and irreplaceable.

But I'd lied to him about being involved with Mike, and I didn't want to reveal everything to him now, not like this. Not after his confession, which he had obviously spent a lot of time working up the courage to say.

I sighed heavily. If I told him I felt the same way, I'd have to tell him.

I still hadn't figured out Mike's feelings. That was another thing.

I couldn't let myself reciprocate Ted's feelings until after I'd worked everything out concerning Mike.

There was no way this conversation was going to end well.

"Ted, I, I'm really confused about my feelings right now. A-and you're my best friend."

I flinched. There it was, the hurt expression, the tightening of his eyes, the way he leaned back slightly, away from me, the way his body tensed and his teeth bit down on the inside of his cheek. It wasn't just hurt, it was anger.

He made a sound in the back of his throat and began to turn around.

I reached out quickly, my hand wrapping around his bicep, tugging him slightly so that he was sort of facing me.

"You can't be mad at me about this, Ted. You brought this up out of the blue, you kiss me out of nowhere, I-I can't just-"

"Can't what, Alyssa? Can't love me back? Why is that?"

My throat collapsed in on itself.

He didn't wait for me to take back control of my vocal cords. He ripped his arm out of my grasp and turned, walking way, hands in pockets, head down.

I closed my eyes briefly, feeling the tears well up to the edges.

I started walking, not knowing where I was or where I was going, but I had no destination in mind, so it didn't matter.

I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, hoping to push the tears back that way. The last thing I wanted or needed was to start crying and have some random Diva or Superstar find me.

I took in a deep breath and thought, _what would Julianne have done in that situation? _

I blew out the breath, letting my shoulders and chest drop. She would've stayed and talked it out rationally. She would've responded quicker so he wouldn't have felt hurt or gotten angry. She would've told him the truth. She would've said yes to the man she was falling in love with./

Fuck. I was falling in love with Ted. Fuck.

I looked up and my eyes connected with bright blues that looked so familiar it sent a pang through my chest.

I stopped in front of him, and he looked back at me, we were silent for a moment.

"She had your eyes." My voice was hoarse and cracked.

He didn't respond, but he lifted his chin slightly, his eyes staying locked with mine.

I ran a hand through my straight hair, pulling my bangs back and holding them out of the way with my hand. "That was the first thing I thought when I saw you. It was like looking at Julianne again."

Shawn let out a shaky breath, "I think that every morning when I look at myself in the mirror."

"D-do you still think about her?" I asked, letting my hand fall away from my hair, wrapping my arms around my torso.

"Every day."

I nodded, "me too. B-but not in a good way," I felt the tears, they were making a reappearance.

"How so?" He asked and I felt his hand pressing between my shoulder blades, leading me over to a folding chair that was near a stack of storage crates. I sat down and wiped at my eyes before looking up at him.

"You won't judge me, right?"

He shook his head without a word. It was a silent promise between us. Anything said in that moment would never leave either of us.

I sucked in a huge breath, but didn't hesitate as I began to speak, didn't even think twice.

"I've been sleeping with Mike. For, for months now. I don't know why it started, it just happened one day. We got drunk that night that I left the dinner with you and all those other people. I didn't plan it, I didn't realize what had happened till he was up and getting dressed and then he left."

I saw Shawn wince. I'm sure he had always seen Mike as a good guy for the most part, and now he was probably seeing that Mike did have his faults.

But so did I.

"It kept happening after I came on the road with him. I had seen it as an escape because I didn't want to sit alone in that house and I didn't want to be around Marty because I still hadn't accepted that he was my dad. But now, I wish I hadn't said yes to Mike. He just gets me drunk so we can have sex and...Then there's Ted." I sucked in a shuddering breath as a tear leaked down my cheek.

"Ted's amazing and...he, he likes me. He treats me so well. I think I could fall in love with him, I-I think I am. But I don't know, I've never been in love before, I'm only 21. I don't know!

"But I can't be with Ted until I figure out things with Mike. And I feel like I never get anywhere with Mike. I don't know what I feel for him. I feel like such a terrible person, because Julianne loved him and she's dead. God, I'm so fucking stupid," I was crying now, and Shawn's hand squeezed my shoulder reassuringly.

I looked up at him, "Mike doesn't love me, does he?"

He hesitated for the briefest moment, "I can't say darling."

I turned my face back into my hands, shaking my head. "No one knows about this Shawn. No one really knows. Everyone would hate me if they knew, especially Ted."

"If he really loves you, then I don't think he could hate you. I think he could find it in himself to forgive you for being confused and making mistakes. You're human Alyssa."

"You don't hate me for sleeping with your daughter's boyfriend?"

He shook his head slowly, "I can't hate you when-" he stopped, and didn't continue.

"What?" my eyebrows furrowed, "just tell me, no need to spare my feelings."

"I can't hate you when I think someone is just taking advantage of you." He concluded.

I stared up at him and he stared back at me.

"Thank you for listening Shawn, you didn't have to."

"I told you months ago that I would be here, if you had questions or needed a friend. I don't say things I don't mean Alyssa."

"Julianne was like that too, that's why she was so reluctant to ever promise things unless she was a hundred percent sure she could make good on that promise."

"She didn't say things she didn't mean." He added.

I nodded, "yeah."

"Then you're like her in that way."

I blinked at him.

He smiled slightly, "you're more like Julianne than you think. You're both so much like your mother."

I saw it, the longing, the regret that sparkled in his blue eyes when he mentioned my mom.

"I can see why she loved you her whole life," I said, "I always wondered why my mom never dated, never say anyone. But I get it now." A corner of my mouth tilted up tentatively, "she loved you for the rest of her life, all the way up until the end, and even now. That was never going to change, so she didn't pretend that it would."

Shawn didn't know what to say, so he just looked away and nodded, smooth his hair back.

After a moment he looked back up at me and nodded, "well, I'll see you around Alyssa."

"Thank you for listening. A-and not being judgmental."

"Love is a confusing emotion. You'll get used to it," he grinned slightly before sending me a nod and turning, walking off down the hall.

I wasn't so sure I would get used to it.

But tonight, I was going to figure out one thing, I was going to answer one question.

Was Mike just taking advantage of me and using me, or did he really have feelings for me?

/

I couldn't believe I was doing this. I was regretting it already.

Maybe I shouldn't have sworn to myself that I wasn't going to get drunk.

But if I hadn't, I won't remember any of the answers Mike could possibly give me.

He was drunk. That was for sure. Stumbling, slurring, making obscene comments. I looked over at the other guys who were at the bar with us.

"I'm gonna take him back to the hotel, he can't do any good here," I said.

They all nodded in agreement and said their quick goodbyes.

Mike suddenly wrapped an arm around me, leaning in close to my ear, "let's get out of here."

I forced a smile onto my face, "that's exactly what I was thinking."

Getting Mike back to the hotel wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, he wasn't being too unruly. He kept his arm around me, and his hands roamed quite a bit, but it didn't blind me in the haze like it usually did. That night, I had a purpose.

Once we were inside his room and the door was closed and locked behind me, I started my interrogation.

"Do you miss Julianne?"  
The question sobered him slightly as he turned to look at me, in the middle of taking off his shirt.

"Let's not talk about her tonight," he said, throwing his shirt off to the side before approaching me with outstretched arms.

I shook my head, taking a step back, "no, nothings happening until we talk about this."

He sighed, and I thought he wasn't going to say anything and just let it go, but then he said, "yes, of course I miss her."

"Are you still in love with her?"

He hesitated, but saw I was willing to wait until he answered me honestly, "I have never stopped loving her."

I let his hand brush my arm and he leaned in, placing his lips against my throat.

I swallowed.

"Do you love me?"

I felt him smirk against my skin, "if that's what it'll take to get your clothes off, then yeah."

My face fell, and I immediately closed up.

I pulled back slightly, "do you have any feelings for me?" I asked, trying to get him to meet my eyes, but he was busy unbuttoning my shirt.

"I-I don't know what you want me to say Alyssa. I think it's kind of obvious what this is between us. It's not love, it's not a relationship." He pulled me flush against him as he slid my shirt off my shoulders. "It's all about the physical."

/

I still couldn't believe what had happened.

I'd immediately gone unresponsive after that one word.

_"Julianne."_

I squeezed my eyes shut.

He'd called me Julianne, in the middle of having sex. He was imagining I was her. I knew it.

He'd said it himself, this wasn't a relationship, and it sure as hell wasn't love.

Shawn had been right, Mike has been taking advantage of me. Using me as a replacement for my sister, just a warm body that vaguely resembled her.

But I'd been using him just as well. I used him so I could feel like I had a connection with someone. When that connection was the memory of my sister. I felt that no one understood my loss except Mike.

I was wrong. Shawn understood it. Marty did.

Ted understood it too.

I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling. I knew I wouldn't be getting any sleep, so I laid there.

And I waited, knowing what I would have to do when Mike woke up.


	15. Extending Vindications

_**Well, this chapter is shorter...but it's important and it's got important scenes in it so...you guys will be okay until the next update...**_

_**Five chapters left! AH!**_

_**Thanks to my lovely reviewers, **KiwiStar**, **xDarlingNikki**, **ArokLynne**, **Sonib89**, **RatedrKjErIcHo**, **Miz Kaitlyn**, and **DeathDaisy. **You guys make my day when I wake up in the morning and see all your lovely reviews waiting in my inbox! So thank you! You make me want to keep updating :) **_

_**Read, review and enjoy**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 15- Extending Vindications**_

The tables were turned this time when Mike woke up.

Instead of the usual where Mike is up before I am, and he's already dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed—this time, I was up already showered and dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed waiting as he stirred awake.

He looked like his head was hurting, but not just from the hangover, from the confusion of seeing me sitting and waiting for him to awaken.

"Alyssa?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he rubbed his temple.

"Good, you remember my name now," I muttered bitterly but quickly pushed the anger I felt aside. This wasn't supposed to be mean, I wasn't supposed to be spiteful, it wasn't about my anger. It was about me making the right decision for the both of us.

He looked even more confused after my comment.

"Mike, this." I paused and then motioned between us, "this needs to stop."

He blinked, focused and awake suddenly.

"W-what? Why?" He sounded like an indignant, spoiled child being told no for the first time.

"You heard me Mike."

"This is crazy! Why should we stop?"

"Does there really need to be a reason? I don't want this anymore. Having meaningless sex isn't what I wanted to begin with."

"You could've fooled me." He muttered.

"Yeah, I get it, I've been stupid and naive. I realize now I've been giving off signals that I didn't realize I was, and I'm sorry for leading you on like this. It got really out of hand, I thought it meant something, but you obviously have never felt this way. I realize that now, and I'm making the best decision. I'm ending this. It's the best thing that could happen, for the both of us." I said.

He stared at me, "did I call you Julianne last night?"

"That's beside the point."

"But I did." His shoulders slumped, defeated.

"You did. But that's not what finalized my decision, Mike."

He sighed, shutting his eyes, "god I've fucked up everything."

I was taken aback by the anguish in his tone.

"I-I'm sorry for, for dragging you into this Alyssa, for using you like this."

Well, at least he knew what he had been doing.

I didn't know what to say in return, it didn't feel like there was anything that could be said.

"I-"

I cut him off, "you don't love me Mike. And you'll never love me because I'm like Julianne and I'm not like Julianne all at the same time."

He stared at the wall blankly as I stood from the bed, straightening out my shirt and picking up the handle of my suitcase before I headed toward the door.

"Where will you go?" He asked.

The corner of my mouth twitched upward briefly as my hand closed around the handle.

"Don't worry about it." I said, opening the door and stepping out into the hall.

Well, my plan from there on out was simple. Find Ted. Confess my feelings. Hope he's not too upset and that he'll take me back.

Take me back isn't the best way to put it. I didn't really know how to phrase it.

All I knew was that I wanted Ted to know that his feelings weren't one-sided, that I return them, that I am probably falling in love with him.

I forced myself to calm down and take even breaths as I turned in the direction of Ted's hotel room. As I walked, I thought about the way our conversation had ended the night before.

_"Can't what, Alyssa? Can't love me back? Why is that?"_

Ted's words echoed in my ears.

A brief smile found purchase on my lips as I realized that if he asked me those questions this time, I'd be able to answer back quickly instead of stand there dumbfounded. I'd already decided I would tell him I returned his feelings, tell him the truth about my involvement with Mike and tell him that I'd ended things with Mike and was no longer confused about my feelings.

I took in a deep breath as I stood in front of Ted's hotel door. This was it. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, like I was about to throw up. My hand went to my midsection as I swallowed, trying to steady myself. Finally the nausea passed.

I raised my hand, rapping my knuckles against the hard surface before I fidgeted nervously while waiting for him to open the door.

When it did open, Ted's expression spelled out exactly how he felt.

He was shocked to see me there. Also, I was the last person _on Earth_ he wanted to be at his door at that moment.

I chewed my lip as I blinked up at him.

I had to fucking do something before he closed the door.

"Ted, can we talk?"

His expression mirrored the one I had seen yesterday, the pain and disappointment which tightened across his features made my chest ache. I didn't like the look of sadness on him.

"I don't think there's anything to say." He replied.

"And I really disagree with that."

His anger seemed to ignite out of nowhere. "Alyssa, this is bullshit. Why are you here? Shouldn't you be with Mike?"

"W-what?" The word wheezed out of my mouth.

"I saw you two last night, leaving the club, stumbling your way back to the hotel. Lord only knows what you two got into, what you two have gotten into over the past eight months."

I flinched. This wasn't how he was supposed to find out. We were supposed to have a calm, adult conversation about this, where I could tell him how wrong I had been to mistaken lust for love.

"Ted, it's not what it looks like!"

"Really? Because I think it is exactly what it looks like. I think you lied to me about fucking around with Mike."

I couldn't argue that, couldn't deny it, because it was the truth.

It must have been obvious on my face because he just shook his head. "You should leave Alyssa. I-I care about you, but I can't be around you when you're hyped up on Mike and all the shit he's feeding you."

He waited, for the briefest of moments, for me to say something, for me to redeem myself.

Instead I just stood there, letting my tears get the better of me, and he closed the door.

I stood in front of his closed door for a long moment before turned, gripping my suitcase handle tightly, and walked to the elevator.

I was done here. There wasn't anything I could do at the moment, and I realized that. I couldn't go back and stay with Mike. Ted didn't want me around.

I had no choice but to go home, regroup, and figure my life out. I had a lot of other things to deal with besides Ted and Mike.

/

I was surprised that I made it to the airport and through the flight before I burst into tears. The minute Marty had put his arms around me in the baggage claim area, I had let the flood go and he had held me like any father would hold his crying daughter. Rubbing my back soothingly, smoothing my hair out of my face, kissing the top of my head.

He'd done this when I broke my arm, when my first boyfriend dumped me, when Mom was diagnosed, when Mom died, when Alyssa died.

He'd been much more than an Uncle my whole life. That had just been his title. But he'd always been like a father to me.

"Let's get you home," Marty murmured, squeezing my shoulder before leading me out of the airport and to his car.

/

There was a box of six sugar doughnuts waiting for me on the kitchen table when I woke up, and a pot of coffee freshly brewed. Marty had left a note on the box of doughnuts, telling me he'd stop by later in the afternoon, that he had some things to take care of first.

I sat down, looking around the house. It was practically empty after all the packing Ted and I had done the previous week.

Ted had bought me sugar doughnuts.

I felt the tears prick my eyes.

I pushed them away as I stood, grabbing my favorite coffee mug from beside the coffee maker. The coffee maker and my mug were the only things not packed in boxes yet in the kitchen.

After making my cup of coffee, I sat back down at the kitchen table, picking out a doughnut and taking a big bite.

I desperately wanted to check my phone to see if Ted had called. But I knew without looking that he hadn't called, that he probably wouldn't call, that I probably wouldn't talk to him again, at least not for a long time.

Not until he had calmed down, not until he was willing to listen.

I sighed before taking a sip of coffee.

I decided today I would start looking for an apartment and applying for jobs. I needed to move on past this wrestling fad I was going through.

I spent the rest of the morning and the early afternoon looking at rental listings online and filling out job applications online.

The unlocking and opening of the front door caused me to pause and look up to see Marty walking toward me.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for a job." I answered.

"Why?"

"Because I need to learn to be self sufficient."

"I thought that's why you were training."

I went silent, staring at the computer screen.

"Change into workout clothes. I want to see what this boy has taught you."

I blinked, looking up at Marty to see he was in workout clothes.

I realized what he was doing, he was extending the olive branch on this one. He was giving me his blessing to train, and he was going to help me.

I smiled. "Okay, Dad."

And that was my acceptance of the olive branch.


	16. Unworthy Results

_**Oh my gosh..your reviews totally made me sit down and start writing this right away! Especially since RatedrKjErIcHo said the suspense was killing her. I don't want to kill anyone, that's not what I'm here for.**_

_**So to save her life, I am updating quickly.**_

_**Remember, jut because there's only four chapters left after this one doesn't mean the drama is over..**_

_**The drama is never over...**_

_**as you will soon see...**_

_**Anywho! Thank you SOOOO much for the wonderful reviews, they make me smile, they make me happy, and I love reading them. So thank to my reviewers **ArokLynne**, **RatedrKjErIcHo**, **KiwiStar**, **DeathDaisy**, **xDarlingNikki**, **Sonib89**, **my Anonymous reviewer**, and **Miz Kaitlyn**! You guys are the best. I can't wait to read your comments on this chapter. **_

_**So read, review and enjoy! **_

_**Xoxoxo**_

_**Angel **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 16- Unworthy Results **_

"Well, that's the last of the boxes," my father sighed as he set the cardboard box labeled 'kitchen' down on the stack of other boxes.

He raised an eyebrow at me as I leaned against the counter, one hand on my stomach, jaw locked, face scrunched up in pain.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, I've just been feeling really nauseous and drained lately."

"Well, you've been under a lot of stress lately. It can do that to you," he supplied, rubbing a comforting hand along my shoulder blades.

"That's true," I said, trying to ignore the roiling in my stomach. I hadn't told Marty all the details of what happened, but I'd confessed about having 'boy troubles.' He'd been really good about it, despite the shock he felt at realizing his 21 year old daughter was sexually active.

"You should wait to unpack till tomorrow, when you feel better. Just relax today," he said.

I nodded, "not gonna disagree with that suggestion." I forced a smile onto my lips, and he knew it was fake.

He sighed, "I don't have to go, I can stay for a little while-"

I cut him off, "the past week you've been spending more time with me than your wife. I'm sure she'd like to see you. Plus I'm fine, I'm just going to grab a soda and watch a movie or something, totally chill. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself," I said.

He looked reluctant, but he gave in with a nod, "okay," he started walking to the door, but looked over his shoulder at me, "if you need anything, call."

"You got it." I said, turning to my refrigerator and retrieving a soda as he left my apartment. I locked the door before heading into my living room and sitting down on my new couch. My dad and I had moved a lot of my mother's furniture into storage, seeing as there was no way I could use all of it in my two bedroom apartment. So I'd used some of the money mom left to me to buy new furniture that didn't remind me of my mother and sister, or the fact that they were no longer here.

The apartment was nice, perfect for me, small and cozy.

What was also nice, was my dad training me. His local gym had a ring, and he'd been teaching me all sorts of things. I didn't know where it would lead me, but it was nice to have something for us to bond with.

My cell phone suddenly started ringing and I reached forward to pick it up off the coffee table.

My eyebrows furrowed, I didn't recognize the number. Shrugging, I answered it anyways.

"Hello?"

"Hey Alyssa, it's Matt."

I blinked, how the hell did he get my number?

"I-I uh got your number from Ted's cell because I'm seriously worried."

"Worried about what?" I asked.

"About Ted. He's been acting really weird lately. All mood and grumpy and shit. Do you have any clue why? Did he mention something happened to you?"

So Matt didn't know Ted and I weren't talking. I decided not to tell him that Ted and I were no longer speaking, and instead said, "he has said anything to me."

"But haven't you noticed he's been acting strange?"

"I-uh, I haven't seen him in person in a while."

"You haven't? Oh, that's why I haven't seen you around. Where you at?"

"At home, I moved houses and stuff." I said.

"Oh...well, now you know he's acting weird. If you figure it out, let me know."

"Alright Matt, thanks for letting me know."

"Anytime girl. Bye."

"Bye."

I sighed as I set my phone back on the coffee table and I rubbed my temples. The nausea was suddenly back full force and I doubled over, head between my knees, trying to suck in deep, even breaths.

Trying to recall what Julianne had always told me to do when I thought I was going to throw up was extremely hard when I felt like I was going to release my stomach's contents.

I blinked, something else Julianne had mentioned once popped into my head.

I stood shakily, trying to push past the stomach pains and walked over to my calendar which was attached to the front of my refrigerator by a magnet.

There was a small red 'x' on one of the days. But that red 'x' was a week ago.

Shit. My period was late.

I reached for my car keys, walked briskly over to the coffee table and picked up my cell phone, before heading out the door. I took a brief moment to lock the front door and then I jogged down the steps and rushed to my car, throwing the door open and getting inside.

I was back in my apartment in fifteen minutes with three pregnancy tests all sitting on the bathroom counter as I sat on the floor with my back against the wall.

Fear clutched my chest, and with each breath I took, my ribs rattled.

A baby was not something I saw myself having, at least not for several more years.

A child, my own child.

I'd be a terrible mother. Absolutely horrid at it. I could barely take care of myself, how could I be held responsible for another human being?

I couldn't. If I was pregnant, I couldn't have this baby.

This baby that could only be Mike's.

I felt short of breath, like I was going to suffocate.

How would I tell Mike if I was pregnant? I didn't plan on talking to him ever again after ending things with him. I never saw myself being his friend after everything at happened. How could I just show up at his place and tell him I was pregnant. He would certainly think I was just after his money.

I couldn't tell him.

If I'm pregnant, I won't tell him.

Fuck, I don't even know if I am pregnant. I'm too much of a coward to even look.

Suddenly, there was a ringing sound coming from my purse, which I had thrown against the wall in the bathroom when I rushed inside to take the test.

I was ready to just ignore it when the thought that it might be Ted crossed my mind.

I leaned over, yanking my purse open and retrieving my cell.

_Ted. _

It was him.

I sucked in a deep breath, feeling the tears clog my throat. I answered.

"H-hello?"

"Alyssa? Alyssa are you okay? I-I haven't seen you anywhere, not backstage, not at the hotel, not with Mike. I'm worried about you." His words were rushed, but I caught them.

I forced myself not to burst into tears.

"I-I'm fine Ted."

He cut me off suddenly, "I talked to Mike."

I blinked, but didn't say anything.

"He told me you had ended things with him. He, uh, he explained things. The things that I didn't give you a chance to say," he sounded apologetic, and guilty.

My eyes were fixed on the three pregnancy tests on the counter. I couldn't focus on this conversation with Ted when the possibility of me being pregnant was hanging over me.

"Ted, I-I uh I can't talk right now."

"Alyssa, I'm going to-"

I didn't hear him finish because I'd ended the call and stood up, throwing my phone onto my purse.

I closed my eyes and picked up the first test.

Took a deep breath.

Opened my eyes.

Positive.

I let out the breath, and closed my eyes again. Repeated the motions.

Positive.

And just because I wished I was skeptical of the results and accuracy, I looked at the third test.

Also positive.

The tears fell now as I realized the mistake I had made with Mike would have bigger consequences than I had ever expected or anticipated.

I heard my phone ringing. The noise was shrill and it made my head pound. I leaned against the counter for support. I had to make the noise stop.

I reached over, picking up my phone and answering without checking the caller ID, I knew who it was.

"Ted, I really can't talk now." I wondered if he could even understand me through my sobs.

"Alyssa?"

That wasn't Ted.

"I'm coming over now." It was my dad.

I leaned against the wall and slowly began to curl inwards on myself until I was sitting on the floor, knees to chest, head down.

That's how Marty found me, still clutching the three pregnancy tests, immediately he realized what was happening.

He made me a cup of tea and sat me down on the couch, watching me closely.

Neither of us said anything for a long time, until finally Marty let the question "Is, is it Mike's" stumble out of his mouth.

I bit my lip before looking up at him, "I wish it wasn't."

We were silent again.

This time it was I who broke it.

"I-I can't have this baby. It's wrong."

"Well you can't have an abortion." He said quickly, back straightening.

"It's my decision." I said lowly, biting my lip.

He stared at me, realizing I was actually considering it.

"Julianne would want you to have this baby." And with that he left.

As the door fell shut behind him I whispered, "Julianne should be the one having this baby."

/

I sat at my sister's grave, holding the pregnancy tests tightly in my hand.

"I don't know what to do Julianne. I need some help, or a sign or something."

I sighed, "I know you hated even the idea of abortion. But I think in this situation..." I trailed off, "if you were still alive and I was pregnant with Mike's baby..." I sighed again, "if you were alive this situation would never have happened."

The tears were back, and they were falling like heavy rain.

"I'm so sorry Julianne. I'm sorry I slept with the man you loved, I'm sorry that I'm now pregnant with his baby, I'm sorry that it's me and not you that's still alive." I sobbed, "I'm so sorry that I can't do this."

"Alyssa."

I straightened up, startled by the sudden sound.

That wasn't my dad's voice.


	17. Stifling Doubts

_**You guys get me so motivated. And I really, really want to finish this fic, because we're sooo close. So I'm just going to keep chugging along and working on the last few chapters as quickly as possible. After this, we only have 3 left, and I've already written out one of those three so...we're almost there!**_

_**This chapter wouldn't be out so fast without you wonderful reviewers! So, thank you to **xDarlingNikki**, **KatieKazaMizAwesome**, **ArokLynne**, **KiwiStar**, **Miz Kaitlyn**, **RatedrKjErIcHo**, **Sonib89**, and **DeathDaisy_

_**So the lyrics from the first verse of It's Been A While by Staind kinda struck me as perfect for Alyssa at this moment. The whole song doesn't apply, but these lines do: **_

_And all the things I can't remember_

_As fucked up as it all may seem_

_The consequences that are rendered_

_I stretch myself beyond my means_

_**Other than that, vote on my poll please if you haven't already!**_

_**As always, read, review and enjoy**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel **_

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 17- Stifling Doubts**_

I wasn't ready for this moment. I wasn't ready for this conversation.

I froze, clutching the pregnancy tests, wondering what I should do with them.

Should I try to hide them? Throw them out into the grass, stuff them under my legs and out of sight?

Before I could even move, his hand closed around mine, around the pregnancy tests.

I looked up into his blue eyes.

I couldn't think of anything to say as he stared at the positive pregnancy tests.

He didn't speak either.

I wanted him to say something. Willed him to say something. Needed him to say something.

No words left his lips, and in the silence, I created a list of all the reasons why I shouldn't keep the baby.

One. This child shouldn't be mine, it should have been Julianne and Mike's, not mine and Mike's.

Two. I'm not cut out to be a mother, I'm barely mature enough to look after myself. I obviously can't even make good decisions for myself. I make huge, life-altering mistakes all the time.

Three. Cancer is pretty much guaranteed in my family tree. If I brought this baby into the world, she'd probably just die from cancer anyways.

Four. The baby would ruin my chances of ever being with Ted. What man would want to raise another man's child? I couldn't expect him to take on me and a baby. It would never happen, it would never work.

His blue eyes lifted from the pregnancy tests and locked with mine. I felt my breath hitch in my throat at the intensity of his expression.

"Ted," His name stuck to my lips and my throat collapsed for a brief second, "I can't keep this baby."

He let me throw myself into his arms, pressing my face into the curve of his neck as the tears burned trails down my cheeks.

His arms encircled, warm hands rubbing my back gently, his cheek pressed to the top of my head.

"God, Ted, I'm so stupid," I whispered against his throat, "look what I've done now. I'm pregnant with a baby that should be my sister's. Julianne should be the one who's alive and expecting a baby. I should've been the one who died. It should've been me, Julianne was so much better than me. She'd know what to do right now, she wouldn't question keeping this baby, she'd be excited.

"I'm just terrified. I'd be a terrible mother, I can't raise a child, not right now. I'm not ready, I'm not the type of person you trust with the responsibility of a child." I hiccuped slightly, "I have to either give the baby up for adoption, or...or have an abortion, I can't—I can't...I can't do this, Ted."

His arms tightened around me as the silence spread between us. I let my hand fall over his heart, feeling it beat rhythmically beneath my palm. I let myself just zone out, I let myself relish in being in his arms for what would probably be the last time.

"We'll tell everyone that the baby is mine."

I pulled back from him suddenly, staring up at him like he had sprouted a second head.

"B-but it won't be your baby."

"Biologically, no. But in every other way, yes it could be."

"Ted, you don't have to do this, you don't owe me anything. I can't expect you to raise another man's kid."

"I can't let you have an abortion," he cupped my chin, "that baby is a piece of you and I could never let anything ever harm any part of you Alyssa."

His eyes were locked with mine intensely.

"This baby will be ours."

I stared at him, wide-eyed in shock and awe and we were silent for a long time.

"But, what if people start asking questions? What if Mike asks?"

"Well, no one really knew about...you and Mike, so it's not like anyone will be skeptical about the father of the baby. We'll just tell everyone that we have been together. And if Mike asks, we tell him it happened that night you stayed in my room."

"So we lie, to everyone."

"It's just an option. You can tell Mike, he is the father."

"I don't want him to be the father. I don't want him in my life, or in this child's life. It will only ever remind me that I'm not Julianne and that all Mike wants is another Julianne. He'll hate this baby if he or she isn't like Julianne."

Ted was silent as he pressed a kiss to my temple. "So."

"So..." I trailed off, letting out a breath. We were silent for a long while. "Is that your way of asking me out?"

"Is that a yes?"

I smiled slightly, letting him pull me back into his arms, kissing me fiercely and tenderly all at the same time.

/

My foot tapped against the tile in my kitchen as I waited for my dad to answer his phone.

He didn't and it went to voice mail.

I sighed, "hi Dad. I-I really need you to call me back, we need to talk. I-I've been thinking things through, and I want you here, okay? Please Dad. Call me back." I hung up with another sigh, feeling drained. I let my shoulders slump.

"Hey," Ted cupped my face between his hand gently, "he'll come around."

"It's because I threatened abortion," I whispered. "I think it hit a weak spot in him."

Ted just nodded before pulling me into him, wrapping his arms around me, swaying us together soothingly.

"Are you sure about this Ted? I, I really don't expect you to take this on. I completely understand if-" he cut me off with a finger on my lips.

"Stop, I told you yes. It was my idea to begin with. This is what I want."

I stared at him, still slightly disbelieving that he was 100% okay with this.

He must've recognized the disbelief on my face because he rolled his eyes, "sure, I didn't think we'd be having a baby within the year, but I thought bout it."

My eyes widened, "y-you thought about that kind of stuff?" He let me go, moving away to make himself a cup of coffee, which I had been officially cut off from.

"Despite popular belief, guys do fantasize about a future with the woman they love."

Both of my eyebrows lifted and he glanced sideways over at me.

He rubbed the back of his neck, and his cheeks tinted pink slightly.

"So that wasn't the smoothest way of saying it. I-I had this speech all planned in my head when I flew out here but...When I got to your mom's house, there was a for sale sign up, and no one around. I didn't know where you had moved, no way to call Marty and ask. I went to the cemetery hoping you'd be there and I lucked out. But, due to the situation, the speech kinda got put off, and all together deemed unnecessary."

I stared at him, a small grin curling my lips, "I'd still like to hear this speech of yours." I said, sitting down on one of the two bar stools.

He stood on the other side of the counter and leaned against it, grinning back at me.

"Well, it started with something like-"

He was cut off by several quick, hard knocks on my door.

Our eyes met and I quickly slid off the stool.

"Maybe some other time," Ted said, looking down at the counter top as I went to the door.

I opened the door and there stood my father.

"You can't have an abortion."

I blinked, "I'm not."

He looked immediately relieved. I stepped aside so he could come in.

He entered and opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he saw Ted standing in my kitchen.

"And he is here why?" My dad asked, turning to me with a raised eyebrow.

"Um, ah, Ted and I, uh..." I stumbled over my words, trying to think of the right way to phrase things.

"I plan to help her raise this baby, sir." Ted's voice was strong, unmoving, no argument could be made against it.

My dad looked surprised as he turned back to Ted, "really?" It came out like a slight gasp, incredulous and surprised.

Ted's eyes flitted over to me and then back to my dad, he nodded once, "yes."

"Are you the one who talked her out of terminating the baby?" Dad asked and I flinched.

Ted's gaze met my dad's steadily, not wavering in the slightest. The scariest thing in the world is a father protecting his daughter, but Ted looked quite formidable. "Yes."

After a tense moment my father suddenly broke out in a large grin, "then you're alright by me."

I let out a breath, not realizing I had been holding in one.

Ted looked relieved too, a smile coming to his face as well.

They shook hands before the three of us moved into the living room, sitting down together.

"So how will you tell Mike?" Marty asked after a few moment.

I chewed my lip, "we won't tell him."

Marty blinked, "but, he has a right to be in this child's life. It is his child, you—you can't keep a child from it's father."

"Ted will be the baby's father."

Marty stared at me, but he didn't say anything more. Even without words, I knew he didn't agree with my decision not to tell Mike but I hadn't expected him to.

"I'm just glad you're keeping the baby," he stared down at the coffee table, "your mom," he sighed, "she wanted to have an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with you."

I blinked, surprised by the confession. My mom had never mentioned this to me. Well, she'd never told me the truth about my parentage either.

"Well, obviously she didn't," my dad laughed bitterly, "It took me days to talk her out of it. And she told me she'd keep you under one condition." He looked up at me.

"What was that?"

"That you would never know I'm your father and that I would not act as such."

_**So...tell me what you think about that.**_

_**But remember, I have my reasons. **_


	18. Promising Enchantment

_**So, I have some pretty awesome news. The If I Die Young Series (aka Meet Me Halfway, and this fic) is actually a trilogy. Which means, there is another fic after this one. Alyssa won't be the main character though, instead the fic will focus around Mike and a completely new OC, named Staci. So, I will post an update on this fic when I do post it so you all can go read it!**_

_**But first, let us get through the last few chapters of this fic! **_

_**Thank you to my lovely reviewers! I love hearing your opinions, you guys are great. Thank you **KiwiStar**, **Showni13**, **RatedrKjErIcHo**, **xDarlingNikki**, **ArokLynne**, **KatieKazaMizAwesome**, **BallerinaGal321**,** DeathDaisy**, and **Miz Kaitlyn**! Your reviews are the greatest guys! I love them to death!**_

_**Two more chapters after this. We're almost there.**_

_**Read, review and enjoy.**_

_**Onward and upward, my friends**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel**_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 18- Promising Enchantment**_

It was strange to feel so incomprehensibly mad at someone who was no longer in the same life as you. It was ridiculous to be this upset with a decision that happened before you were even born. It was weird to know that a person you one loved so unconditionally had kept something from you that could scar you to the core.

That was how I felt toward my mother. My deceased mother.

The woman who had made my biological father promise to never tell me he was my real dad.

The woman who kept the one thing from me that I had always wanted in my life.

Julianne had grown accustomed to being fatherless, she was okay without having a father figure, despite the fact that we went to a nice private school where every child had two parents, even if they were divorced. Julianne, being the older one, had been picked on and made fun of for it long before I was.

She was used to it. It didn't bother her.

It had always bothered me. I'd go over my friends' houses and see them interact with their dads, being called a daddy's girl, and I wanted that. Because back then, Marty was just and uncle and sometimes I hated him because he wasn't my father.

And then when Julianne had told me he was in fact my daughter, I'd hated him, I'd hated Julianne for even telling me.

I thought she was ridiculous.

But she was right.

Our mother was the ridiculous, selfish and completely insane one.

She kept my father from me just because he wasn't the man of her dreams, because he wasn't the man she wanted to be the father of her children. She wanted Shawn, and that was so selfish of her. To keep Marty at arms reach when I had so desperately wanted and needed a father.

There was a soft knock on the bedroom door, "Hey Alyssa, can I come in?"

I quickly pushed my hair back and wiped my eyes, clearing my throat, "um, yeah."

Ted stepped into my room, his expression solemn as he took in the broken picture frame that lay at his feet.

"Marty just left."

I nodded. After my dad had dropped the bomb on us that my mother had threatened to keep him away from me if he tried to act on his paternal rights, I had rushed into my bedroom in a rage, slamming the door shut and throwing the picture of my mother that I kept on my nightstand at the door.

I acted out when I was angry. Julianne had always counted that as one of my flaws. When she got angry she went quiet for a long time before she exploded. I just exploded.

He sat down next to me on the edge of the bed. He reached over and took my hand in his, linking our fingers together and resting them on his thigh.

"Do you need anything?" he asked.

I suddenly straightened, my spine forming a solid vertical line, "I think I'm going to throw up."

Before Ted could respond, I was on my knees in the connecting bathroom, leaning over the toilet bowl.

I rested my forearms on the toilet seat after I finished the first bout of sickness. I must be getting better because I suddenly felt self-conscious and I really didn't want Ted to see me like this right after we had gotten together and he'd pretty much told me he loved me.

I felt a hand smooth across the back of my head. My arm immediately shot out, trying to brush him away.

"Leave, please. I'm definitely not looking very attractive right now. I don't want you to see this," I said, my voice echoing slightly in the toilet bowl.

He ignored my plea entirely and instead collected my hair at the nape of my neck and reached over onto the counter, grabbing a large clip that was sitting there. He clipped my hair up and out of my face before his hand felt down to rest between my shoulder blade, rubbing soothingly in circles.

"Ted," I whined, really wanting him to go as I felt the sudden urge to vomit again.

"I wanted to finish the conversation we were having earlier," he said.

I opened my mouth to ask "what conversation" but instead of speaking, my stomach decided it needed to empty itself again via my esophagus.

Ted held my shoulder as my body went rigid and my chest heaved upwards suddenly.

"If thing had gone a bit differently then they my speech would've sounded something like this."

He cleared his throat as I scrunched my eyes closed. God I hated throwing up.

His voice started up again. "Alyssa. I know I shocked you that day when I told you that I liked you. I know know that it was the wrong time and the wrong way. But I couldn't help myself."

It was a beautiful distraction as I leaned my forehead against one of my arms, closing my eyes, just listening to him, trying to ignore the nausea.

His thumb brushed gently along my temple as he smoothed my hair back again and he sat down on the floor instead of kneeling next to me.

"I couldn't stand seeing you every day anymore and pretending I could live with you just being my friend because I realized long ago that I couldn't do that. I was lying to myself when I said I could do it." He inhaled slowly, "I didn't want to hurt you that day. I know I did. I know I hurt you when I refused to talk to you. I know I hurt you when I told you I couldn't be around you, when I wouldn't let you explain things to me. But I was so blinded by my own pain that for a little while, I didn't care. That was so selfish of me, and I'm so incredibly sorry for that."

"Was that it?" I asked, smiling slightly, even though he couldn't see it.

He kissed just behind my ear and a shiver ran down my spine, "no, there's a bit more."

"Okay, but, before you continue, I think I'm good," I said as I lifted my head, slowly, cautiously. He helped me to my feet and handed me my toothbrush before he flushed the toilet.

I spread a healthy amount of toothpaste on my brush before I got down to scrubbing the terrible taste out of my mouth.

Ted leaned against the counter as I brushed my teeth and tongue. He was smiling at me slightly with this weird look in his eyes.

I arched an eyebrow, "what?" I asked around my toothbrush.

He shook his head, "it's strange...I'm excited."

"About..." I blinked as I realized what he was talking about, "about the baby?"

His smile suddenly widened, "yeah."

We both seemed to be a little surprised and confused by his confession but the smile and bright-eyed look on his face spoke all the truth I needed to hear to know he wasn't just saying things to make me happy.

"Have you always wanted kids?"

"Well yes, I grew up with brothers. So I've always imagined having a couple boys."

"Typical male response," I said as I spit out my toothpaste and rinsed out my mouth.

"Ouch. Sorry that I'm a man who wants a son so that I can teach him how to be a real man. God knows the world needs a few more good men around."

"You have a point there." I said wiping my face on a towel before turning and leaning my hip against the counter, "but what if it's a girl?"

He grinned as he turned his head to completely face me, "then I'll be just as happy." He replied before his smile disappeared for a moment, "and a little worried."

My eyebrows furrowed, "and why is that?"

"Well if she looks anything like her mother..." he trailed off. I laughed, leaning against him as he placed an arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist and locking them together. I smiled to myself.

"Promise me you'll always try to make me laugh. I..I can go to some pretty dark places sometimes and I need someone to bring me out of those."

His fingers slid into my hair and he tucked his chin to kiss my forehead. "I promise," he murmured, his lips lingering there. "I want to be there for everything, for when you need someone to hold you, when you need someone to make you laugh, when you need someone to challenge you, encourage you or keep you in check." We both chuckled a little at the last one. "I want to be someone who's permanent in your life because..." he took a deep breath, "because I love you."

I felt the tears prick my eyes. Of course, I knew he felt this way, he'd said as much already, just not using the outright words. But it was still so raw and beautiful the way he said it, like he was still nervous I'd turn him away or tell him I didn't love him back.

I did. I really honestly did.

It had to be love, what I felt for him. It was completely different than the emotions I felt for Mike, and now I knew that was entirely lust and a million other negative emotions.

No, what I felt for Ted was like warm rain on the beach on a summer day, or like getting every present that was on your Christmas list. It was perfect, it made you above happy, it was everything you wanted.

He made me short of breath, made me feel young and mature all at the same time, made me want to do anything he asked, no matter what it was. He felt like an equal, like he wanted me for who I was because who I was complimented him perfectly.

Where I was sensitive and weak, he was strong and steady. Where I was impulsive and uncertain he was assured and ready for anything. Where he was quick to assume I was open and understanding.

"Alyssa," he murmured.

"Hmm?"

"That's all I have. That's the end of my speech."

I smiled, resting my cheek on his shoulder, "I liked it."

"Well, that's good." He murmured.

"Ted?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you too. A-and I'm not just saying that because you've promised to raise my baby," I said quickly, and he chuckled slightly. "I really do love you, and that day you ambushed me, I really wanted to tell you that I had feelings for you too, but I was so confused at that moment, I didn't know what I felt exactly. Before you pulled me aside and kissed me, I had decided that that night I was going to figure things out about that night. I had told myself that if I realized it wasn't love, I would end things with Mike immediately. And, and I did. That's why I went to your hotel room the next morning, to tell you that I was in love with you...but you had seen me with Mike...and I didn't speak up."

"We were both in the wrong, then," Ted said as he leaned back to look down at me.

I nodded.

He turned serious, a frown settling on his lips and he sighed heavily. "So, what exactly did go on with you and Mike...I...besides the obvious?" He asked, and I could tell that even though he didn't really want to know, he had to know.

"Promise you won't get angry?"

"Is it that bad?" he arched his eyebrows, trying to joke.

I gave him a serious look and he sobered with a nod. "I promise."

"Okay, it started right after I met him. That night, a couple days after Julianne's funeral, where I left the dinner and Mike followed." I looked up to Ted to confirm that he remembered. He nodded.

"Well, we got drunk...really, really drunk and we slept together. I really don't remember much of that night except waking up the next morning and Mike freaking out, saying he had a flight to catch and he had to go. He practically ran out of my house." I sighed, "he showed up a month later and asked me to start traveling with him. That's when it started to happen regularly."

"And just to be crystal clear, by 'it' you mean you had sex?" He asked.

I bit down on my lip, "yeah."

"Okay."

"We were drunk, every time. It was the only way we could do it. I don't think he could've slept with me while he was sober, because if he was sober then he'd know it was really me and not Julianne he was having sex with."

Ted tensed, "he...he would...imagine that you're Julianne?" He sounded shocked..and angry.

I stared down at the floor, "I was stupid...I didn't figure it out until the last time. The night you saw Mike and I at the club, it was the last time. I stayed completely sober because I wanted to ask him some things, and he'd only be honest when he was drunk. He was bluntly honest, and it hurt, but it only confirmed what I had guessed. And then, it the middle of having sex he called me Julianne. I don't know if he'd done it before, but I'm guessing yes, but I was just always too drunk to notice or remember." I ran my hand over my hair and looked up at Ted.

He cupped my face gently, "I'm sorry you had to experience that."

I shrugged, "know I now. Life experience."

"I would never, ever," he squeezed his eyes shut, "use you like that. That is wrong, and disgusting on so many levels." He let out a heavy breath and I knew he was about to say something revealing and vulnerable, "I would always, always cherish you. Each time would be special, like the first time. I...Alyssa, it wouldn't be sex, as cheesy as it sounds, I would make love to you. Every night for the rest of my life, if you'll let me."

His cheeks were slightly pink, and it was adorable and endearing. And there he was, my sweet, tender, gentle and attentive best friend.

"I would kiss you right now, but I was just throwing up." I said, chewing on my bottom lip.  
"You say that like you disgust me." He didn't give me time to respond as he kissed me. It was sweet and soft and slow. Perfect for my delicate little heart at that moment.

When he broke the kiss he smiled down at me softly, his eyes studying my face, "you need sleep." He murmured.

I went to protest, but it quickly turned into a yawn the minute I opened my mouth.

He smirked knowingly, "let's get you to bed," he murmured, taking my hand and leading me back out to my bedroom. He pulled the covers back for me and stepped aside so I could slide into bed.

I looked up at him and he smiled, "I'll see you in the morning," he murmured.

I blinked, and watched as he leaned in to kiss my forehead before turning to leave the room. I reached out, wrapping my fingers around his. He stopped and looked back at me.

"You don't have to sleep on the couch."

I lifted an eyebrow and I nodded toward the bed.

"You sure?" he asked.

I didn't respond, instead I just turned toward my bed and pulled him along behind me. I let go of his hand as we stopped on what would become his side of the bed. I walked over to my dresser, took a deep breath and then pulled my t-shirt off slowly.

I jumped slightly, my breath hitching as Ted's hand slid over my stomach. I dropped my t-shirt on the floor as Ted rested his chin on my shoulder.

He had already taken his shirt off, because I could feel the heat of his bare chest against my mostly naked back.

I looked down at his hand as it settled over my stomach and I smiled slightly to myself. I placed my hand over his.

"Hmm, sorry," he apologized half-heartedly as he nuzzled my neck, "I couldn't help myself."

"You seem to have issues with self-control Mr. DiBiase." I remarked.

"I don't hear you complaining," he whispered in my ear.

I rolled my shoulders, leaning back against him, "I'm not."

He grinned and kissed my hair. "Hurry up and change before I undress you myself."

"Doesn't sound like such a bad idea," I murmured.

"Don't tempt me," he growled in my ear as he squeezed my waist and a thrill ran up and down my spine.

He slowly removed his arms from around me and I heard him walk over to the bed as he took off his jeans. I heard him pull back the covers and slid into bed.

I slid my own jeans off before walked over to where he had left his shirt when he discarded it. With a smirk I slid it on over my head before crawling over Ted to get into bed.

He watched me with a smug smile on his face.

"Good night," I murmured, leaning over and pecking him on the lips.

"Night." He replied.

I laid my head down on his chest as his arm curled around me. In that position I fell asleep. I slept through the whole night, not once waking up until I did so naturally in the morning.

I opened my eyes, blinking slowly as I registered the fact that the heat behind me was originating from Ted. One of his arms was draped over my waist, hand on my hip, and my back was pressed to his front.

I smile softly to myself and rolled over onto my stomach and lifted my eyes to study him.

I didn't know if he was awake or not, but it did matter whether he heard me or whether he was still asleep.

"I want this. I really, really want this. A nice, loving family. Raising my child with the man I love. I can see all of it with you. I want to experience all of it with you. You answered my prayers when you said you wanted this baby to be yours." I was staring at him intently, but so lost in my words that I hadn't noticed he had opened his blue eyes and was watching me.

"Then we will experience it all, together," he reached his hand out, taking mine in his.

I smiled softly, leaning in to kiss him good morning.

"Hmm, I could wake up to that every morning," he murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist as I settled my arms on his chest, my chin resting atop them.

"Well, as far as I'm concerned, you will be." I replied and he smiled up at me widely.

"Good."

He was silent for a moment, just running his fingers through my hair. A smile tilted his lips, "you know, I was thinking..."

I tilted my head to the side curiously, "about what?"

"You coming back on the road with me, at least for a couple more months." He said the words slowly, waiting to gauge my reaction.

I raised my eyebrows at him, "do you think that's a good idea?"

"Well, I'll be able to see you a whole lot more if you're on the road with me." He reasoned with a shrug of his shoulders.

I smiled sweetly at him, "hmmm, you mean, I could do this," I paused to press my lips against his before pulling back, "every day."

He grinned, "every day."

"Then I think my answer's a yes. Until I get too pregnant."  
He looked so happy, and a little surprised.

He rolled us over so he was hovering over me, "I love you," he murmured, ghosting his lips against mine, keeping them close to mine but not close enough. "I've loved you since I stopped you from falling that first day we met." As he spoke, his lips brushed mine, sending a shiver to run from my head to my toes.

"Right now, I can't pinpoint a date or a time, but I do love you." I whispered back.

"And that's good enough for me," he murmured before kissing me heatedly, his hands exploring, his body molding mine to his. We fit perfectly I realized, and it made my heard warm to think of that.

I threw myself into the kiss, wanting him to feel how much I loved him because I couldn't put it into spoken words.

/

"Ted, I'm nervous," I whispered as I stopped short of the door that would lead us into the arena.

Ted, my boyfriend, the father of my child for all intents and purpose, stopped beside me and tucked my bangs behind my ear affectionately. "There's nothing to be nervous about Lyssa. No one knows or thinks that anything happened between you and Mike. No one will question you about it, I promise." He turned and we began to walk again, "besides, everyone is going to be distracted by the fact that we've gotten together."

After he opened the door for me, he followed me inside and took my hand in his, interlocking our fingers as we walked.

I looked up at him to see him smiling as he watched me out of the corner of his eye.

"I'll walk you to catering and then I have to go get ready, okay?" he said.

I nodded, "sounds good." I had my book in my purse, so I'd have a way to pass the time.

He led me through the halls to catering and when we finally arrived there, he stopped just before the doorway and turned to face me.

His smile was infectious and mischievous.

"What are you going to do?" I asked, knowing he was up to something.

He didn't respond in words, but instead showed me what he was planning by leaning in and pressing his lips to mine and a low burning kiss which made my heart skip a beat.

When he pulled back he smirked at my surprised face. He pecked my lips softly, "I'll see you after my match."

He squeezed my waist softly before he turned and walked off down the hall.

I shook myself out of my daze before turning to the doorway that led into catering. There standing in the doorway was Matt, slack-jawed and looking completely shocked.

"If you leave your mouth open like that you'll start to catch flies," I remarked.

His expression quickly morphed into a smirk, "I knew it!" He said.

"Knew what?" I asked as I began to walk past him into catering.

He fell into step beside me, "I knew that you and Ted had a think for each other."

"Oh really?" I asked.

"Yeah! I mean, you were missing last week and he was all grumpy. It makes sense. Were you guys fighting or something?"

"You could say that."

"You guys look cute together," he commented.

I stopped and looked up at him with a happy grin, "I know, we do, huh?"

"Yeah, well, I was actually on my way out. I, uh, I hate to leave you here, but I really need to go." He rubbed the back of his neck, looking apologetic.

I waved him off with my hand, "don't worry about it. I can entertain myself."

He shrugged, "all right, I'll catch you later Alyssa."

"Bye Matt."

I found and empty table and sat down, retrieving my book from my purse and I settled into my seat, flipping the book open to the page where I had left off.

I propped my legs up on another chair as I chewed my lip and read, totally oblivious to the world around me.

"Um, excuse me, Alyssa?"

I looked up from my book to see two blonds standing at the edge of the table. One of them I recognized, Beth, she'd been one of Julianne's friends here in the WWE.

"Um hi Beth, you-you're back from injury," I said with a hesitant smile.

"Yeah, and um, this is my friend Nattie." She said, motioning to the blond beside her.

"Hi," I offered my hand, "I'm Alyssa Jannetty. You're Jim Neidhart's daughter, right?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded, "that is correct."

"Would you mind if we sat with you?" Beth asked, drawing my attention back to her.

I blinked, stunned for a moment before I shook my head and smiled, "I wouldn't mind at all."

I was surprised, but we did fall into conversation, talking with ease, getting to know each other a bit. It was nice to talk to a couple of girls for once. I'd only had guy friends for a long time now.

"So, I heard you and Ted DiBiase are together," Nattie whispered conspiratorially behind her hand at me.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, "news travels fast around here."

"Sure does, especially when Matt Cardona is the one spreading the word." Beth said.

"So it's true?" Nattie asked.

I nodded, "yep."

"Oh, do tell us the details," Beth said, leaning in.

"When, where and how?" Nattie asked with a big smile.

I didn't even know where to begin or how to answer those questions without giving myself away. I hadn't expected to talk to people, so I hadn't even begun to formulate our slightly untrue cover up story.

Thankfully we were interrupted before I could reply.

"Alyssa?"

I looked up and my eyes me those of Mike's.

I swallowed as I looked up at him. "Um, hi Mike."

He looked at Beth and Natttie who had turned to look at him. "Do you guys mind if I talk to Alyssa alone?" He asked.

"Um..." Beth looked back at me, arching an eyebrow in question.

I just nodded to let her know it was okay with me.

"Yeah, alright, we can do that," Beth said as she stood and Nattie followed suit.

"You'll just have to fill us in on all the dirty details later," Nattie said, turning back and sending me a wink.

I felt the blush rise to my cheeks but I grinned at the woman and shook my head.

Mike sat down across from me once the women were out of earshot.

"So you and Ted are together now."

"Yes."

"And he knows...what we did?"

"Yes."

He tensed, eyes tightening, "Okay. Obviously you have no time in the world for me." The hurt in his voice honestly pissed me off a little.

"Mike, don't act like you're hurt by all this. What we did, what we said, it wasn't real. Let's be honest, we were never meant for each other, we were just using each other to fill the space Julianne left when she died. I'm in love with Ted and you can't blame me for picking love over lust."

"You barely know him."

"I know him so much better than I know you. I've spent just as much time with him, he talks to me, not at me. He doesn't just want me for sex. He doesn't want me to be Julianne and he doesn't get angry at me for not being Julianne." I said.

Mike's stare felt as if it went straight through me, "whatever."

And with that, he stood and left.

I sighed and watched him walk away.

I didn't feel sorry for him. I didn't regret anything I'd said.

No, instead, I was happy that I'd found something real. With Ted.

/

I let out a breath as I stepped out of my apartment. Ted locked the door behind me before taking my hand in his and helping me down the stairs.

"You know, I can totally do this on my own," I said, "I'm only three months along."

"Yeah, I know, but I like to pamper you," he said.

"Pampering me would be carrying me down these stairs," I said. When we reached the next floor down he stopped and scooped me into his arms bridal style, carrying me down the steps.

"Is this better?" he asked.

"No, this is just dangerous. I doubt you can see where the steps are."

"Nothing pleases you, does it?"

"I'm here to make your life difficult, remember?"

He stopped and pecked my lips before setting me down, "you certainly do remind me. Every day."

"Not funny," I whined as I punched his arms lightly.

"You're abusive too." He said.

I rolled my eyes.

It was kind of strange, how we'd fallen into this easy routine of life together in just a little over two months. When he had days off, we'd return to my apartment in Arizona and we created a routine together, we spent most of our time together. And even though some days it led to little squabbles, we always made up and went back to our easy-going life.

The baby was healthy and growing. Ted had gone with me to every doctor's appointment so far. He'd been reading pregnancy books and books on becoming a father. It was cute how excited he was.

We never mentioned that the baby wasn't biologically his, not even to each other. We acted like he or she was Ted's.

I'd decided, even after my father's revelation of what my mother made him promise, that I wasn't going to tell Mike. After my last meeting with him, it was obvious that having Mike as a constant fixture in my life wouldn't do me any good, and I couldn't see him doing any better for the baby. Ted let me make that decision on my own, putting in as little of his own opinion as possible, he didn't want to sway my choice.

Things were going surprisingly well a year after my sister had died.

After my sister had died, I had imagined myself mourning for years, never getting over it. I imagined myself being a tearful mess on the first anniversary of Julianne's death.

Instead, I was smiling as Ted bent over slightly to place a kiss on my barely-there baby bump before he straightened and kissed my lips, murmuring and 'I love you.'

He held the car door open for me as I slid inside and strapped myself in as he walked around to the driver's side.

"So breakfast with Shawn, Paul and Dad. Then we need to pick up the flowers, before heading over to see Julianne," I said and Ted nodded as he started the car.

Shawn had called me a couple days before the one year anniversary to let me know that he and Paul would be in town for the day. We agreed to meet for breakfast before going to see her together.

Seeing Shawn and Paul again was good. Shawn and I had kept in touch, and I had told him a while ago about my being with Ted as well as my pregnancy, though we'd never discussed the parentage of my baby.

Paul and his wife had found out when they had run into me one night backstage at RAW. They'd both been ecstatic to hear that Ted and I were expecting.

Breakfast with the four men was pleasant. We spoke freely and easily about our lives, about Julianne and about the future. It was a nice way to celebrate Julianne.

My cell phone rang as we were finishing up our meal and I excused myself to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lys, it's Beth."

"Oh hey, what's up?"

"I just wanted to call and let you know I can't make it today. An appearance came up, they just told me last night. I'm sorry."

"Hey, duty calls. Don't worry about it, Julianne with understand." I smiled slightly.

"I'm sure she would. Well, tell everyone I said hi. Oh and Jillian says hi too, I talked to her yesterday. She wanted me to tell you she's sorry she couldn't make it either."

"Tell her it's no big deal."

"I will. I'll see you when you guys come back on the road."

"Yes you will. Bye Beth."

"Bye."

Beth and I had become good friends after she and Nattie had approached me that one day in catering. The two had now become two of my really good friends. It was great to have them around while I was on the road.

I returned to our table to the see that Shawn had insisted on taking care of the bill.

We stopped at the local florist to pick up the carnation bouquet I had ordered and then our group of five headed on to the cemetery.

We all stood, looking down at my sister's grave, missing her, but not feeling as depressed as we all had at one time. We all stilled missed her with an incredibly strong ache, but we knew it would be okay, and we knew she'd want us to be happy and move on with our lives, which we slowly were.

Ted placed his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.

Few words were spoken, because not many were needed. The emotions were still raw, the wound not completely healed over yet. No one dared to pick at the scab.

I saw Shawn glance over at me, once, twice. After a few moments I looked up and met his eyes, that's when he spoke.

"The baby is really Mike's, isn't it?" He asked.

I was a little surprised, as was Ted, but our shock was rivaled by that of Paul's who looked completely dumbfounded.

"Are you high or something Shawn-" he began to ask incredulously but I cut hm of with my answer.

"Yes. Mike's the biological father." I stated.

Paul looked between Shawn and I, while Marty just sighed and Ted squeezed my shoulders.

"Will you tell him?"

"I don't plan on it."

Shawn just nodded.

"It's my choice, no one else's."

Shawn looked up at me, "I know. One would think I'd be against it but...I think, it's the right choice. For you and for the baby. No need to confuse him or her. She'll have a father, that's the important thing," he said, his eyes meeting Ted's.

Ted smiled slightly and nodded.

I felt relieved that he hadn't expressed his disapproval like my father had. Dad still didn't approve of my choice, but he no longer argued with me about it. He was slowly trying to let it go.

I looked back at my sister's grave after Shawn and Paul said their goodbyes, they had a plane to catch. I hugged both of them, kissing their cheeks and telling them I'd keep them updated on the baby.

My dad also said he had to go and he hugged Ted and I goodbye.

Ted and I stood, his arms around me from behind.

"I guess Mike won't come."

"I thought he would." Ted remarked.

I shrugged and shook my head slightly, "I heard he's not doing well."

"Yeah, I've noticed." Ted murmured in reply.

"He's hurting."

"He did it to himself."

I bit my lip, "he just misses her."

"We all do. But you don't see all of us getting drunk every night and holing ourselves away."

He had a point, so I let it go. Still a little hurt that Mike wasn't going to come and see Julianne.

It had been a year. And a lot had changed. All because of this one woman, and her death.

But her death had brought new life, and I was reminded of that when Ted's thumb stroked my stomach softly and he pressed a kiss to my shoulder.

Life was good, it would be okay, we would make it.

I could see that now.

I felt hope and love once more.


	19. Propositioning Forever

_**Oh my, cue the waterworks, guys..I started crying writing a certain part of this chapter...so...i dunno, maybe i'm just sensitive today, but whatever...if you're a contagious cryer like me, keep some kleenex handy**_

_**Anyways, this is the last normal chapter, after this only the epilogue is left. **_

_**Thank you once more to my amazing reviewers: **RatedrKjErIcHo**, **KiwiStar**, **DeathDaisy/Guess**(lol), **Sonib89**, **KatieKazaMizAwesome**, **xDarlingNikki**, **ArokLynne**, and **Miz Kaitlyn**. You girls are all soooo wonderful and you make my day when I read your reviews. So keep 'em coming please! **_

_**As a quick little reminder, the only things I own are my OCs Alyssa, Julianne and Giselle. That is all! Everything else belongs to its respective owner. **_

_**Also, there's a poll on my profile, please vote on that if you haven't already. Thank you. **_

_**Oh, another thing, I've posted a new fic titled Songs About Rain, it's CM Punk/OC...check it out if you'd like :) **_

_**Read, review and enjoy.**_

_**Onward and upward, my lovelies**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 19- Propositioning Forever**_

"I feel fat," I muttered as I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Ted, who I could see through the bathroom doorway, rummaging through his suitcase looked up at me and shook his head.

He walked over to me, placing his hands on my hips while giving me a soft kiss, "no, you're just pregnant."

"How could I forgot when I've got this thing going everywhere with me," I said, pointing to my baby bump which had grown significantly now that I was almost five months along.

"Aw, baby, she's complaining about you already," Ted spoke to my belly and I couldn't hold back the smile that curled my lips upward.

I hand reached out and caressed his cheek, "you're gonna be so good at this," I murmured.

His hand covered mine, fingers encircling my hand, "_we'll _be good at this. We're a team, remember?"

I smiled, "of course."

"Are you almost ready to go?" He asked.

I nodded, "yeah, let me just finish my hair, then I'll be done."

"Okay, I'll leave you to that," he said.

"Ted?" I called after him as he turned to leave the bathroom.

He looked back at me, "yeah?"

"I love you," I smiled.

"I love you too Lyssa." He grinned back before leaning in and leaving a searing kiss on my lips.

We broke the kiss and I stared up at him, wide-eyed and a little lost. I couldn't remember what I had just been doing.

"Your hair," he supplied with a smirk.

"Right," I pulled back, "I knew that."

He chuckled as he left the bathroom.

Tonight was the last WWE taping that I would be present for. Ted and I had agreed that at the five month mark I would stop traveling and stay at home more. There was still four months left but Ted was being really protective about it and didn't want to put stress on me or the baby because of traveling.

Honestly, I was dying to go back to Arizona. I'd been traveling on the road for so long now, I wanted to sleep in my own bed and sit on my couch and catch up on all the shows I'd missed while I was gone.

Walking into a WWE Arena now wasn't as intimidating as it was that first time with Ted. Now, everyone pretty much knew me, most were polite and would say hi, some would strike up conversation.

They all noticed it to, my pregnant belly. And they all easily assumed the baby was Ted's and we let them all believe their assumptions. Sometimes, I believed the baby was Ted's too.

Until I spotted Mike in catering, or we passed each other in the hallway, or he was getting into his rental car when we were getting out of ours.

He didn't look good. Dark circles had settled underneath his once vibrant blue eyes, those same eyes were now dull and dark. From what I heard, he was pretty unbearable in the locker room, always starting pointless fights and arguments, drinking a lot. They'd cut him down on ring time as well, he didn't wrestle as often as he once had. No longer was he a main eventer, he was back to mid-card matches when they even chose to show him on TV at all.

All of this only reinforced my belief that not telling him about the baby was the right thing to do.

I'm sure he was aware that was pregnant, but he never approached me about, never asked me about it, never even gave me a passing glance.

He really just pretended I didn't exist.

Ted also pretended that Mike didn't exist.

They avoided each other at all costs.

But I couldn't blame them for it. Ted didn't want to do anything he would regret if he spoke to Mike about the affair I had with him. Mike didn't want to talk to Ted because I chose Ted over him. I hoped they'd get over it, but I was okay with them deciding not to be friends. Them being friends would have made it even harder to keep my baby's father a secret.

I was tired of referring to my baby as 'it' or 'the baby.' I couldn't wait til I knew the sex of my child. I was nervous and excited all at the same time.

We had the doctor's appointment already set up in about a week. Ted would be home with me for a couple days so he'd be able to attend and be there for the big news.

We also had a list of people to call once we did find out the sex of the baby. My dad, Shawn, Paul, Beth, and of course Ted's parents.

Meeting Ted's mother and father had been a nerve wracking experience for me, considering the fact that the first time I was meeting them was also the day we were telling them Ted & I were expecting.

Despite being a little shocked by the sudden revelation, they took the news really well.

I was shaking with nerves when I met them, and I think they noticed how completely terrified I was that they wouldn't like me. Throughout the night we got to know each other, Ted Sr. was surprised to learn I was Marty Jannetty's daughter, but he did look a little impressed.

"I wasn't aware he had a daughter your age." Ted's father had remarked.

"I wasn't aware either until about a year ago." I had replied.

We didn't go into much detail about how my mother kept the knowledge from me, but Ted Sr. didn't question anything.

By the end of the night he insisted I call him Dad, so as not to cause confusion when both Ted and Ted Sr were together.

"Plus, I'm sure you'll be my daughter legally in no time. I can tell just by the way my son looks at you," Ted Sr had told me.

I'd blushed, not sure if I should take it as a joke or take it literally. When I looked up, Ted was blushing furiously.

"Dad..." He said, shaking his head, sounding embarrassed.

I had smiled at him and he had smiled back at me.

Maybe I did hope that one day we would get married. But right now, I was trying to focus on having a baby soon, and that was a big enough ordeal for me.

My morning sickness had only lasted through my first trimester, and it was a relief once it was over. Though, after the first bout, Ted, despite my arguments against it, had helped me through each time I knelt before the darling porcelain throne. He was really sweet about it.

Well, honestly, he was great about everything. I never imagined any man being this excited over a baby, and I certainly didn't expect it from Ted given the circumstances.

Ted was really a blessing through it all. Each day he gave me another reason to love him. There were too many to count any more, I stopped keeping track. All I knew was that I loved him, and I wanted him here through everything, for the rest of my life, for my child's life.

I'm pretty sure he's my soulmate.

I wonder if this is how Julianne felt when it came to Mike.

/

Being home wasn't all I had imagined it to be.

It primarily consisted of me walking around my apartment with nothing to do, being alone. My dad visited me every other day, but I didn't expect him to spend all of his extra time with me. He had his own life too.

He was really excited about the grandbaby though. He talked about him or her all the time. It was adorable, he was just as excited as Ted. And when the two got together. Oh boy.

Finally, after a week at home by myself, Ted had a couple days off and he was flying out to Arizona to be with me. We had scheduled our doctor's appointment for while he was here, so he could be there when the sex of the baby was revealed.

I woke up the second morning Ted was back to find a not on my pillow, letting me know Ted had let me slept in and he had go out to lunch with my dad and he'd be gone for a couple hours, running some errands.

What errands did Ted have to run?

And why was he having lunch with my father?

The schedule persisted over the next few days. Ted was suddenly spending more time with my father than he was me.

I brought it up over breakfast before we went to our doctor's appointment.

"You know, I'm really glad you and my dad get along so well, but seriously? What are you two up to that you have to do every single day you're here. I've been so lonely sitting her without you and when I'm supposed to be spending time with you, you're out doing god knows what with my dad."

"I promise, it's nothing bad."

"I'm not worried that it's bad. I just want to know what it is." I said, arching an eyebrow at my boyfriend.

He just chuckled, "you'll find out soon. But, today, I'm spending every minute with you, okay?" He leaned across the table and laid a kiss on me that made me completely forget what I had been curious about before. My fingertips slid under his shirt, tracing the muscles of his abdomen appreciatively, before they began to play along the waistband of his jeans.

He pulled back, catching my hand and pulling it away. "We have a doctor's appointment to get to."

"Doctor's are always late. We'll be waiting there for at least an hour." I reasoned.

"Mmm, as tempting you are, you'll have to wait," he pecked my lips.

"Tonight?" I grinned.

"Tonight." He agreed.

/

"So, this is gonna be a little cold." The technician warned me before she squeezed out the jelly used for ultrasounds on my slightly protruding belly. I tried not to jump at the temperature, seeing as she had warned me about it, but I did a little.

Ted held my hand as he watched the woman prepare the machine and do whatever she had to.

"Alright, now we're gonna take a look at your baby. And hopefully if the little guy or girl is positioned we'll be lucky enough to determine if it is a boy or a girl." She smiled at me and I nodded before turning my head to watch the screen.

"Here we go," she said slowly as she moved the hand-held part of the machine around my stomach.

She glanced back at the screen and moved it a bit more before a smile lit up her face.

"Oh looky there. It looks like your baby is a little girl."

I couldn't stop the tears that came to my eyes as I heard the news.

I had tried to keep myself neutral so that I wasn't disappointed when I did find out the gender. But I'd wanted a little girl so badly.

Ted kissed my knuckles as the nurse showed us our baby, pointing out her arms and legs.

"Amazing," Ted breathed and I just nodded as my tears still fell silently. They were happy tears, and I hadn't cried happy tears in so long.

After the nurse wiped away the jelly and gave us the go-ahead that we were all done, she stepped out of the room.

Ted leaned over and kissed my forehead, eyes, cheek, chin, and finally my lips.

He pressed his forehead to mine, "I love you."

I smiled slowly up at him, "and I love you."

He then turned and kissed my stomach, "and you too baby girl."

My tears had been coming to a stop, but at his words I began to cry more.

"I'm going to be here for you through everything, I promise. I'm going to be very overprotective, you'll probably think I'm crazy and unreasonable at times, but I'll always only have your best interest in mind. Your mommy and I, we're going to try our best to give you everything you could ever want, because you're all we could ever hope for and want."

He glanced up at me before looking back at my stomach, "now, I'm going to take your mommy home and show her how much I love her."

/

As Ted pulled out of the hospital parking lot my eyebrows furrowed as he made a left turn instead of a right.

"Babe, you're going the wrong way," I said.

He just smiled and didn't respond but instead just squeezed my hand, which he was holding in his between the two seats. I studied his face, trying to figure out what he had planned.

He drove for a couple minutes before he turned into a nice, quite neighborhood. I looked around, the houses were huge, spacious, family type houses. There were kids playing on the driveways and sidewalks, there was laughter from the parents sitting on porches watching.

"Ted, what are we doing here?" I asked, turning my gaze away from the beautiful home and instead to my boyfriend

My eyes flickered over once more as a large moving truck came into view. It was parked in front of a large two story house that was a light crème with darker brown detailing. It had a cute little porch in front and a patch of grass in the front, a porch swing and a beautiful stone walkway.

Ted pulled into the driveway of that house, next to another car that was parked there.

"Ted, who's house is this?" I asked.

He got out and walked around, opening my door for me. He led me up the shallow steps to the front door and then stopped to face me.

"I'm hoping it'll be our home." He reached into his pocket and produced a key ring, which he placed in my hand, "that is, if you say yes."

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked down at the key ring. There was a house key, but next to it on the key ring, something caught the sunlight. My breath caught in my throat as my eyes flew back to Ted.

He was down on a knee, smiling up at me with a hopeful glint in his blue eyes.

He took my hand in his, "I know we're a family already, and we'll be a family once the baby is here. But I want to be a family in every possible way. Emotionally we are, mentally we are, but legally...well, not yet."

I thought I had used up all my happy tears, but apparently I still had a couple more to spare and they leaked out the corner of my eyes now.

"So, Alyssa Luann Scott Jannetty," he smiled as he tacked on my father's last name, "will you say yes to plan of becoming my wife legally, so that I can have you all to myself for the rest of my life?"

I lifted my eyebrows, only Ted could phrase it that way and still seem completely and utterly charming.

My hand gripping the keyring shook, but I nodded my head firmly. "Yes!"

His smile was huge, bigger than I'd ever seen it, as he stood and pulled me into his arms. Just holding me for several long moments, rocking us back and forth slightly.

"Thank you." He murmured.

I shook my head, leaning back, "for what?"

"For being you." He kissed me then, in front of our house.

I let us enjoy the moment for a little while longer as he sat us down on the porch swing and took my engagement ring off the key chain, and placed it on my finger instead.

I took a good look at the simple diamond and band, it was perfect. And I said so, "it's so beautiful. Ted, you really didn't have to spend so much money on me. I mean, a ring _and _a house. I know your paycheck is quite large, but this is a lot."

"I didn't pay for the house, actually."

I arched an eyebrow as I looked up at him, "please tell me you didn't let my dad pay for this."

He shook his head, "no, it, uh...it was actually a gift from Julianne."

I blinked at him, confused, before my eyebrows furrowed, "what?" I didn't understand what he meant.

He paused for a moment and took a breath, "before she died, she left this house to you, its in your name."

"H-how? How did she get this house?"

"Your mother had left this house to Julianne, and your childhood house to you. They're not far from each other, your mom was trying to make sure you would never go without a safe home."

"And then Julianne found out she was dying."

He nodded, "yeah, and I think she knew you wouldn't want to live in your mom's house after they were both...gone...so she left this house as a gift for you."

A crease formed between my eyebrows, "how did you know about it?"

"Shawn."

"Shawn?"

"In the letter that Julianne left, she uh, she also gave him this," Ted leaned forward slightly and pulled something out of his back pocket before holding it out to me.

It was an envelope, slightly wrinkled, like it had been through a bit of travel and wear before it got to it's destination.

I stared at it.

I'd been so angry after Julianne died, because she wrote Mike and Shawn letters, but she never left anything for me.

But she really had.

I should've known better.

Ted was watching me carefully, keeping the letter extended to me. When he realized I wasn't going to reach out for it, he withdrew his hand.

"Let me show you something first," he said as he stood, placing the letter back into his pocket and extending his hand to me.

I took it, interlacing our fingers.

He unlocked the front door and we walked inside.

"You guys finally here?" My father's voice sounded from somewhere inside the house.

Ted pulled me through an arched doorway into the kitchen. I stared around at the beautiful earth toned tiles and cabinets, it was perfect.

"Did she say yes?" I heard my dad ask Ted in a whisper.

Ted chuckled, "yeah, she did."

My dad clapped Ted on the shoulder, "good. Welcome to the family," he chuckled, "officially."

Ted smiled up at him, and I couldn't help but smile at the two men myself.

Ted turned to watch me as I wandered through the kitchen and then began making my way through the rest of the bottom floor.

"Do you like it?"

"It's like they built my dream house." I said, in awe.

"Julianne picked out everything. She had it remodeled, they finished up not too long ago. Your father and I took care of a few things at the end."

"She did this, the colors, the carpet, everything?"

He nodded, "yeah, it was all your sister."

My chest seized and my throat constricted, "I can't believe she did all of this."

Ted was silent as he followed me through the house as I stared in wide-eyed awe at every little detail that Julianne had picked out.

In the year that she had been gone, I had forgotten how well my sister knew me. She could read me like the back of her hand, I had always confided everything in her, my protector. When I was a teenager, I thought she never listened to me when I talked about my dream house, my future, and all of that.

But she had.

She'd remembered ever detail, even the multi-colored rose bushes in the backyard, and the wooden porch swing, and the curved staircase, dark wood cabinets and light carpet, coffee tones on the walls. Everything.

I wouldn't change anything in the house. It was perfect the way she'd made it.

Ted placed his arms around me, "you like it." It wasn't a question, he could tell.

"I thought she wasn't paying attention to me when I talked about this kind of stuff. I-I didn't know she really was." I buried my face in his chest, letting my tears fall freely.

This was the greatest gift I had ever received.

"You still haven't seen the project your dad and I have been working on." Ted murmured. "C'mon," he tugged my hand gently and led me up the swirling staircase to the second floor.

"The master bedroom is here," he motioned to an open door, but I could tell he was excited to show me whatever his 'project' was and I just peeked inside the room before nodding at him to continue. "There are three more bedrooms up here, but we used this one," he stopped in front of the door directly next to the master bedroom, "for the nursery."

He pushed open the door and stood aside so I could enter.

The walls were painted in a soft, peachy orange. A color that would've worked for either a boy or a girl. The floor was different checkered squares of carpet in different pastel colors, greens, oranges, light pinks, soft reds.

An olive green fabric rocking chair was in one corner of the room, a lamp and a small bookshelf next to it. A changing table in the same dark wood that matched the rest of the house. A beautiful wood-work crib that matched the changing table, was up against the opposite wall. A cloth canopy hung over it and on the wall space between the canopy and the top of the crib, the words 'Sweet Dreams' were painted on the wall.

I gasped at the sight as I turned slowly in a circle, taking in every inch of the room. Shelves with stuffed animals, childrens books, photographs.

"Do you like it?" Ted asked from where he leaned against the door frame.

"I love it. It's...it's perfect," I said as I turned to face him.

He smiled softly at me and nodded, "good." He looked around the room, "I quite like it myself."

I grinned as I looked back at the room again, "you and my dad did _all _of this _yourselves_?" I asked.

He smirked, "well..with the help of the lady at the store..."

I laughed, "I thought so." I let out a breath, "but really, it's amazing. I couldn't have done any better myself."

He waited until I was done staring around the nursery and then he showed me the other two bedrooms and the master suite.

After a moment he spoke, "well, if I can get the go-ahead from you, the movers are gonna start bringing things in and then we'll go get the rest of the furniture from the apartment tomorrow." He said as we started making our way back down the stairs, Ted first, me following.  
"I have to pack up the apartment," I said.

He smiled, "that's taken care of, I got a few helpers."

My eyebrows furrowed and I looked up as suddenly several voices yelled out "surprise!"

I laughed as I spotted Beth, Nattie, Jillian, Shawn, Paul, Stephanie, Cody and a few other WWE Superstars and Divas, all of whom I had become good friends with since I started dating Ted.

"Oh my gosh," I said.

Beth hugged me, "congrats on the baby, the engagement, the house...everything!"

I laughed as I hugged her back.

After I greeted everyone and said thank I stepped back at Ted's side.

"Soo...Is it a boy or a boy or a girl?" Shawn asked anxiously.

I grinned, "a girl."

Everyone broke out into happy smiles and exclamations.

We ordered in pizza as the movers began to bring things inside. The girls helped me place everything, and we began to unpack some of the boxes that they had brought over. Apparently the reason Ted and I had to leave on time this morning was because they were all to show up after we left and pack up my apartment and have everything back here by the time Ted had proposed.

"The only thing we didn't pack up was your bedroom," Nattie said as she munched on a slice of pizza. "Other than that, it's all in the garage in boxes."

We spent the afternoon settling into the house, though no one would let me lift anything, not even the lightest of boxes. They had the movers get the couch in first so I could sit on it and direct traffic from there.

When the sky started to darken, and everyone was worn out, they began to say goodbyes.

"Are you guys sure you don't want to stay over?" I asked.

"Nah, we all have hotel rooms and stuff, don't worry about it," Paul said as he hugged me.

"Congrats on the baby girl," Stephanie said as she hugged me as well.

"Thank you for helping out." I said to my friends.

"Any time," Shawn said, kissing my cheek.

They all left, driving off, and I returned inside, looking for Ted.

I found him sitting against the wall in the nursery, fiddling with the envelope which held the letter from my sister.

When I entered the room he looked up and he held the letter out to me, "will you read it now?" He asked.

I chewed my lip and pushed my bangs out of my face before nodding. I sat down next to him, taking the envelope. I began to rip it open but stopped when Ted went to stand up.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I uh..I didn't know if you wanted to read it in private, or..."

"You can stay," I said.

He sat back down next to me, and I leaned against his shoulder as I pulled out the piece of paper and unfolded it.

_To my dearest sister, Alyssa,_

_ I hope you didn't jump to the conclusion that I didn't write you a letter at all. Because I did, obviously. You're reading it now. _

_ I had the hardest time trying to think of how to leave something for you that you'll love, because my death is going to be hard, no matter what I leave to you. You just lost mom, and I understand how unfair this is for you to lose me too. _

_ I wish I didn't have to leave you._

_ I haven't known that long, and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, or anyone about being sick. I didn't want you worrying about me. I remembered the way you reacted when Mom was diagnosed and I didn't want you to be like that. I couldn't handle seeing you like that again. _

_ I know, you and I seem like opposites most of the time, but we do have a few things in common. _

_ Like our desire for a future. _

_ I remember all the late night conversations we had when we were both teenagers, where you would tell me all your hopes and dreams for the future. They always involved a rich husband and a beautiful house, a couple kids. And when you'd ask me about mine, all I'd talk about it my career. _

_ So, even when we were alike, we were still different. _

_ But that's why we worked so well as sisters. We complimented each other. When one of us was weak at something, the other was strong._

_ I'm glad I got to be there for you when you needed me. And I'm sorry I won't be there anymore. It kills me to know you're going to have to go through heartbreak and love and all those others things without me. I'm sad I won't get to be at your wedding, or hold your first baby, or throw you a fiftieth birthday party. _

_ Most of all, I'm sorry I'm leaving. _

_ But this is the one time where I have no control over anything that's happening._

_ There is one thing I want to be able to control though. I don't ever want you to have to worry about having a roof over your head while you're figuring the rest of your future out. _

_ With the money mom left me, and my own that I had, I bought you this house and it's mostly paid off. It's your dream home, I put a lot into fixing it just to your liking, and I hope I got every thing right. I tried to remember ever little detail you ever told me. _

_ Shawn was supposed to get this letter to you when he felt you needed a little pick-me-up. So I don't know exactly when you'll be getting this. But I hope when you do read this, that you're happy, that you love the house, and that you're happy with where your life is heading. Know I'll always miss you, and I'll always love you, no matter what you do in life. _

_ Now, instead of being your protector, I'll be your guardian angel. _

_ I'll tell mom you say hi, okay. _

_ I know you'll be okay, you've got Marty now. And if Shawn does keep his promise to me, he'll be looking after you too. _

_ I love you Alyssa. Find happiness and peace and a family. Find a career you love, and a man you love even more. Have a couple kids for me, because I'll never got to do that, raise them like our mother raised us—to be good and strong and amazing. Most of all, don't forget about me, but don't dwell on me either. I'm not that special that you should give up your happiness and your life to mourn me. _

_ You'll do okay kid._

_ With Love,_

_ Julianne (Big Sis) _

As I began to cry harder than ever, Ted pressed his forehead to my temple, holding me to him, whispering to me softly.

I curled into him, relishing his warmth, so grateful he was there with me.

He rubbed my arms soothingly and kissed my head over and over. He just held me as my tears reached a crescendo and then smoothed out until I was just sniffling.

After a couple more moments, I had control of my vocal chords again.

"I have an idea of what to name our baby girl." My voice was hoarse and cracked as I spoke.

He nodded, urging me silently to tell him my idea.

"Julia Giselle DiBiase."

He smiled softly, "it's beautiful." He paused before turning my chin and kising me gently, "and perfect."

Yes, it was the perfect way to keep Julianne's memory alive.


	20. Keeping Memories

_**Oh my gosh, so many people to thank! First of all, let me say that while writing this fic has been extremely challenging and there were some times where I thought I just wasn't getting the correct points across, I'm so glad I battled through and wrote this fic out for you guys. I'm proud of it, I think it was a good follow up to Meet Me Halfway, and it's been great to hear that you guys feel the same. Your reviews have made me smile, laugh, cry a little, and honestly have just inspired me. So thank you to everyone who has read this fic.**_

_**And also...**_

_**Thank you to my followers: **AngelDestiny22**, **ArokLynne**,** BallerinaGal321**, **BigRedMachineUK**, **CalyWraith**, **CeNationHBKPunk**, **Clayhammer1000**, **DamonandBonnie4ever**, **DandDgirl**, **DarkAngelMel2**, **DeathDaisy**, **HardyxLover**, **KatieKazaMizAwesome**,** KiwiStar**, **Kristl**, **rachelisawesome**, **RatedrKjErIcHo**, **RKOsgirl92**, **Shown13**, **Sonib89**, **StraightLife116**, **Taylormade625**,** TheGreatWhite**, **VIXXY VAMPIRE**, **xDarlingNikki**, & **xxFallingSkiesxx._

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_**And last, but NOT least, my wonderful, beautiful, lovely reviewers who make my day with each and every review: **Jeffyzfavoriteskittle27**, **KatieKazaMizAwesome**(thanks for sticking with me), **StraightLife116**, **Sonib89**(thank you for reviewing EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER!), **DarkAngelMel2**, **RKOsgirl92**, **xtrishnjeffeverx**, **HardyGirl421**, **HelloKittylova**, **BigRedMachineUK**, **quidditchandsonicscrewdrivers**, **RatedrKjErIcHo**(thank you for your amazing reviews and for sticking with me through out the fic!), **DeathDaisy**(thank you sooo much for sticking with the fic girl, and talking to me all the time),** Akane-Nikki**, **BubblyShell22**, **xDarlingNikki**, **KiwiStar**(oh my e-sister! Thank you for listening to me via PM as I strung you along with this fic! You're always the best, thanks for always being there to help me out), **Clayhammer1000**, **ArokLynne**, **Miz Kaitlyn**, **my wonderful anonymous reviewer**, **Showni13, & BallerinaGal321_

_**Now onto the epilogue, the final installment of I'll Keep Your Memory.**_

_**But remember, there will be a third fic in this series, titled Nothing Left To Lose. I will post a little A/N on this fic when it is up, so all of you guys will know it's there. **_

_**So, for the last time—read, review and enjoy**_

_**onward and upward,**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Angel **_

* * *

_**I'll Keep Your Memory**_

_**Chapter 20/Epilogue: Keeping Memories**_

_Ten Months Later_

Alyssa cradled her baby girl in her arms, smiling slightly at the six month old. The little girl's bright blue eyes shone in the spring light as Alyssa's feet crunched along the grass of the cemetery.

"We're going to visit your Aunt Julianne today. The last time you saw her, you were in my belly still," Alyssa said, knowing her daughter didn't understand a word she was saying, but feeling that she had to say the words.

"Babe, wait up," Ted called as he locked up the car.

Alyssa paused and turned to smile at her husband as he walked quickly to catch up with her. When he reached his wife and daughter, he placed an arm around Alyssa's back and smiled at the two most important women in his life.

"Ready now?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah," he nodded and kissed her temple before ushering her along the path, hand on the small of her back.

"I can't believe it's been two years," Alyssa spoke, her voice soft with and undertone of the usual sadness she felt when remembering her sister was dead.

"I know, so much has happened." Ted commented. Despite the fact that he'd lost one of his closest friends two years ago, he had gained the love of his life, and the apple of his eye—his little girl—Julia Giselle DiBiase.

The small family was silent as they continued walking, eyes looking ahead of them but not processing their surroundings. They had walked this path, to this grave site, several times before. So when Alyssa suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and gasped, Ted froze as well, looking back at his wife. Her shocked gaze drew his eyes away from her to where she was staring.

The man she had spotted had heard their approach and had turned to face them.

Mike's blue eyes widened slightly as he recognized Alyssa. A soft breeze grazed his skin, stirring the branches of the willow. It was the spot where he and Alyssa had met, two years ago.

"I-I..." Mike didn't know what to say, or what was appropriate. His eyes moved from Alyssa, to Ted, to the child in Alyssa's arms. Then his eyes cut to the gravestone, Julianne's name was written across it, and the memory of losing her made his heart clench.

"Last year I got here after you had already left, I was hoping to do the same again." He finally spoke.

Alyssa swallowed thickly. "It's fine, you don't have to leave." Then she offered him a tentative smile. He forced himself to return the expression before his blue eyes met those of Ted DiBiase.

Ted smiled at the man, he had no ill feelings toward him. He had every right to be there as well. Julianne had been the woman he loved, Ted could accept his presence today, and he was proud of Alyssa for making the same reservations.

"Looks like we're a little late to the party, huh?" A voice suddenly asked from further down the path. Alyssa, Ted, and Mike all turned to see who had arrived.

Shawn smiled at Alyssa, his eyes lighting up as he saw the baby girl in her arms. "This must be Julia," he said.

Alyssa grinned widely at the man, they had spoken several times in the past year, there was no longer any awkwardness between them. She saw him as a close friend, a member of her family. They hadn't actually seen each other in the flesh since she was still pregnant with Julia.

"This is her," Alyssa said, easing her daughter into Shawn's awaiting arms.

Paul and Stephanie, along with Marty, all joined them in a semi-circle around the grave. "Hey baby girl," Marty said, wrapping his daughter in a one-armed hug, kissing the top of her head.

"Hi dad," Alyssa replied before moving to hug both Paul and Stephanie, as Marty embraced his son-in-law.

As the others greeted, Shawn's eyes had found themselves attached to Mike, who stood awkwardly on the other side of the grave. The others noticed and a tense silence fell over the group.

"It's good to see you Mike," Shawn said before a smile graced his aging features. He couldn't hate the man who had loved his daughter, despite the details he had found out about later. He wouldn't hold a grudge against the man who had lost the same thing he found himself searching for every day.

Shawn hadn't known her long, but he had loved his daughter as if she'd been with him everyday of his life. Those three months that he got to know her, through the fights, the tears and the misunderstanding, he saw himself in a young girl who had her whole life in front of her, yet the weight of the end pressing on her shoulders. He still didn't know how she had kept it all to herself, knowing that she would die. He still read her letter, he kept it in the top drawer of his nightstand. Whenever he left for a weekend with his wife and kids, he took it with him, so he could read it whenever he felt like she was slipping away from him.

Two years wasn't a long time, but he still felt as if every day her memory slid further away from him, the exact shade of blue that characterized her eyes was alluding him, he could no longer remember if it had been a crystalline blue, or a sunset sea blue. Pictures didn't help, they didn't do her justice.

Shawn could only imagine that Mike felt the same way.

And Mike did. He tried to relive his moments with Julianne in his head every day. The good, the bad, the one night they shared together, the times he held her when she cried, touching her face after she had collapsed. Thinking about those times made his heart ache, but it made him _feel_, and pain felt better than nothing nowadays.

After Alyssa had cut ties with him, Mike had found himself in a downward spiral. His career was doing well, but suddenly, it started to fall short, he had less air time, less matches. He lacked his usual enthusiasm and bravado. Some of his coworkers had noticed, but most chose not to say anything. Maryse vocalized her worries every now and again, but Mike ignored her. He and Ted never spoke to each other when they passed each other backstage, and Alyssa hadn't been on the road since late into her pregnancy.

With Alyssa, he had lost everything. He was lost.

Until he found himself at Julianne's graveside.

Minutes later, Beth and Jillian both arrived, looking solemn and slightly out of place. Jillian had departed from the WWE several months ago, but she and Beth still stayed friends. They had promised they would visit Julianne on the second anniversary, seeing as they had missed the first.

"Hey," Jillian greeted Alyssa awkwardly, she hadn't treated the Julianne's younger sister well when she had been on the road, but she couldn't take back things now. And from the warm smile and hug Alyssa gave her, she could tell that there was no point in apologizing for something that was clearly better left in the past.

"Thanks for coming, we weren't expecting so many people to show up," Alyssa said, hugging Beth as well.

After everyone greeted the two blond women, they all fell silent, turning and looking down where both Julianne and Giselle lay.

"Julia, your Aunt Julianne was a strong young woman, just like you'll be one day." Shawn said, speaking to the small child in his arms.

Alyssa smiled as tears burned her eyes at Shawn's words.

"And you're grandma," he paused as his heart twisted painfully in his chest, it had been decades, but the loss of his young love would stay with him forever. He had lost her twice in his life and it seemed unfair that he'd also lost the one thing they'd done right together. "You're grandma was one hell of a woman," his voice was choked with emotion and tears blurred his vision. "I'm heartbroken by the fact that you'll never get to meet them, but I'm sure your mommy will tell you all about them when you're older. She'll tell you how strong they were, and how they're up in heaven right now watching you grow up. So you'd better make them proud, grow up to be a strong, independent, beautiful young lady, and learn how to be wrestler like your dad and your grandpa and your uncles."

Alyssa sniffled, and the others gathered around also made similar sounds as they tried to hold their emotions in check.

Ted pulled his wife closer to him as the tears began to silently trickle down her cheeks. He kissed her temple and rubbed her arm.

Paul wrapped his arms around Stephanie from behind as the brunette woman wiped at her eyes.

Beth and Jillian shared a meaningful look as they swallowed back tears. Mike forcefully pressed a hand across his eyes, trying to stop himself from crying. Marty placed a hand on the young man's shoulder. Mike looked up and their gazes met. Marty just nodded once, tears of his own threatening to fall.

It was a simple meeting between a small group of people who had been changed immensely by one woman, and they would forever be connected as long as they kept Julianne's memory alive.

They spoke easily after that, not one of them afraid to cry as tears fell and tissues were passed around. Some sat, some stood as they reminisced about Julianne. Alyssa and Marty doing most of the talking, since they had known Julianne for several more years than anyone else there.

They didn't know how long they sat there talking, but eventually Beth stood, saying she had a flight to catch, and Beth was Jillian's ride, so both women said their goodbyes and walked back down the trail to their car.

Stephanie and Paul left shortly after, Stephanie giving Alyssa her number so she could call if she ever had any questions or needed any advice about motherhood. Alyssa appreciated the gesture greatly and promised she'd call the brunette sometime soon.

Marty left, telling Alyssa he'd see her Thursday night for their usual family dinner. Before she and Ted had married they'd officially moved in to the house Julianne had bought for her. Alyssa and Julianne's childhood home had sold not long after being on the market. Now a new family lived in Alyssa's childhood home, a young couple with two daughters.

Shawn handed Julia back to Ted, the small girl had fallen asleep in the older man's arms. Ted grinned and accepted the hug offered from Shawn.

Julianne's father embraced Alyssa, kissing the top of her head. "She's gonna be a fighter, a true Scott girl."

"She'd better be, I'll expect nothing less from her," Alyssa said, smiling despite the sadness she felt.

"I'll see you soon, don't be stranger, okay Shawn," she said, touching his hand.

He smiled at her and nodded, "course not." He nodded his farewell to Mike and then left.

The first to arrive were now the last to leave. Alyssa stood next to Ted, leaning her head against his shoulder, Mike sat by Julianne's grave still.

She slipped her hand into Ted's, "let's get going honey." She looked back at Mike, who had stood up suddenly.

"Alyssa, can we...talk?" Mike asked, turning to face the little sister of the love of his life.

Ted looked at his wife uncertainly, before fixing a hard gaze on Mike, the warning there without any words being spoken.

"It's fine Ted," she whispered, touching his upper arm lightly, "head to the car, get Julia strapped in, I'll catch up with you." Ted hesitate but after a slight squeeze to his arm he nodded, kissing his wife full on the lips before heading off with his daughter.

"You were right," Mike spoke once Ted was far enough away that he wouldn't hear their conversation, "about everything. I had no reason to be upset. I'm sorry for everything I did, everything I said."

"I forgave you a long time ago." Alyssa said, her voice steady as she looked at the man she had once believed she had feelings for. She had been wrong then, they had done some horrible things, made some costly mistakes, but she didn't hate him, didn't regret him. He gave her the most beautiful thing she had in her life.

They were silent for a few moments. Alyssa had nothing to say, but she felt that Mike still had something on his mind.

"She's beautiful," he said suddenly, "Julia." He clarified.

She nodded.

"Congratulations. You and Ted, you're good together."

"Thank you," her voice was soft.

"I wished I had what you and him have," Mike said. There it was. That's what he had been wanting to say, she realized.

Alyssa smiled softly, "I know you'll find it someday Mike."

"Someday," he trailed off, looking up at the sky, breathing in deeply.

"Or today, or tomorrow," she shrugged, "you never know, I mean, what have you got to lose?" And with that said, she turned and left. She didn't know if she'd see Mike ever again, but she'd see him when she looked at her daughter. The one thing from him that she had kept to herself instead of giving it back to Julianne.

Mike watched her leave, his eyes following her as she walked down the path and met Ted, who had been leaning against the car waiting for her. Ted opened the car door and Alyssa slid inside before Ted leaned in and kissed her lovingly.

Mike's chest felt tight as he looked down at Julianne's grave. Alyssa was right.

"I have nothing left to lose."


	21. Sequel Note- Will Be Deleted Soon

So, I know you're not supposed to make these notes in the place of a chapter, but this is important...

I just wanted to let all of the followers of I'll Keep Your Memory know that the next part of the If I Die Young trilogy has been posted.

The fic, which follows Mike after Alyssa has left him, has been posted and it is titled Nothing Left To Lose.

It's much darker than I'll Keep Your Memory or Meet Me Halfway, but it's a romance fic because that's what I write. It's going to delve more into Mike than the previous two fics did and it's going to focus on how Julianne and Alyssa have both changed his perspective on love and life and how a new woman, Aurora Holt, is making him change his views again.

Anyways, I hope you choose to go check the fic out. I'm really happy with how it's starting and I hope you will enjoy it as well.

Thank you for reading I'll Keep Your Memory, and for all the amazing reviews.

Onward and upward,

xoxoxo

Angel

PS- I'll be deleting this note in a couple days, so if it suddenly disappears, you know why :)


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